Yes, peggy, it is the same child! Very perceptive.
Actually, I checked out the info. on sensory integration and, while very interesting, it really did not describe my friend's ds. Thanks for the advice, though!
I have noticed that the mom doesn't do very much to teach ds about feelings, especially the feelings of others. Amsvensk has a very good point when she says the mom should have taken her son over to my dd to point out how he made her feel, rather than the other way around. She does tend to ignore the feelings of the victim and put all her energy into reprimanding her son.
Something interesting happened during the playdate I mentioned above that I forgot to tell. I think this boy has never been taught acceptable ways to express "negative" feelings, and that he just gets told "That's not nice" a lot of the time. He was playing with a toy and yelled at my dd to "Get AWAAAYYY!!!" and mom told him to be nice, that he has to share, blah, blah, and when she was all done I said to him, "You seem like you really want to play with that toy alone. That's okay, you know, and it is not an easy toy to share. next time, instead of yelling, try saying, 'I want to play with this by myself. Please wait your turn.' " I swear, he looked at me like I had just shown him the Rosetta Stone. Well, would you believe that he did EXACTLY that the next time? It made quite an impression on his mom, too. I'm starting to think that this is the real problem, that he has never had his feelings recognized and validated, and that he has been made to feel that the feelings themselves are unacceptable, rather than the way in which he chooses to express them. I actually was able to discuss this with my friend and she said it made sense to her, so I hope she tries to interact with him in this way.