I'm kind of numb about the whole thing right now. We've just moved cross country from NY (where all our family is) to TX last month and DH has a new job and there's plenty of stress for both of us right now.
I don't know when/how to even tell him and who knows, maybe it's a false positive? (three times)
Two children is so wonderful -- I just don't want them to have to share me even more. I'm from a family of 6 and although I like it, I see know that things would have been so much different if I were one of two. I want to be able to give my two children more (not just physical stuff and extra fun classes and stuff like that but most importantly TIME ) There's only so many hours and kids need so much one on one attention.
If we have three kids we'll have to get different cars because you can't fit three car seats next to each other. And there are so many family activities (family passes too) that are just set up so perfectly for the family of FOUR//// I know some of this might sound awful but I just feel like my great life is being over turned...
I guess I should just hang low with my little stowe-away,,, I'm only 5wks LMP (3wks gestation)... no need to get too worked up, right.?
Please tell me how wonderful it is to have 3 kids...
I have 3 kids. I love them dearly. DD#1 was planned, dd#2 was not, ds was planned (although it took a lot of discussions). I remember not being prepared for our second. I was devestated. I remember walking down the stairs with 5month old dd in one hand and the pg test in the other. I was in tears and in shock. With ds he was planned, but we took our time. After the girls we were done and we got rid of all our "stuff". Then we had a mc and we were both devastated. We had been humming and hawing for years about trying for a boy always coming back to "we are just getting our lives back", then we get pg and loose it and it hurt so much. That's when we realized that we weren't done. I'm sure if we hadn't lost it then we would be going through the same feelings you are. Trying to get pg after the mc gave us time to mentally prepare I guess.
Now, life is busy. Money is tight. It's hard to balance everyones needs. There is caos all day long and the only time it's quiet is when they are all sleeping. I LOVE IT!!! Somedays I want to run away, but then I realize that I would be missing on all the wonderful moments as well as the moments that make me want to pull my hair out. The biggest help is that I teach the girls independance with teeth, pj's and they do have chores. Everyone helps out because it's just too much for one person. We did have to get a new car, which sucks because we really didn't want to payment but we manage. The house is always a mess. Not dirty, but messy. I can pick things up but half an hour later it's a disaster again.
I am also wanting a degree in nursing. I will be working on it while I'm at home with ds over the next few years. When he's in school then I will be to. I excersize in the morning. That's right 6am at the gym. Honestly, I love it and prefer it. It really wakes me up and I am full of well needed energy all day long. It's hard to adjust everything again, but it's well worth it.
Originally Posted by cjr
Now, life is busy. Money is tight. It's hard to balance everyones needs. There is caos all day long and the only time it's quiet is when they are all sleeping. I LOVE IT!!! Somedays I want to run away, but then I realize that I would be missing on all the wonderful moments as well as the moments that make me want to pull my hair out.
Thank you for your honesty.
This is so true...
I have two birth children and a few teenagers that are foster children. I long to have another baby...to birth another baby. And sometimes reality hits and I feel different. But then I listen to my heart....
My heart says very different. We have "enough" to provide all the love for another child. That is what it all comes down to for me.
Hope that makes sense.
I concieved my last about a week after we decided we just couldn't do this again. Incidentally that was the week after the big commitment rummage. you know there one where you get rid of al your baby stuff to prove you are committed to not having any more children :LOL
She is just the sweetest thing. her birth was a hoot, he spirit is delightful, my oldest two just worship her. Really I thought our family weas complete and I couldn't possibly handle another one but she has been nothign but joy and has really brought out the best in us all.
if it makes you feel any better transitioning from 2-3 was easier than 1-2. also parenting the third has by far been the easiest. There is something to be said about experiance
I hope everything goes well for you and your family.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
I can understand how you are feeling though.. even though we want this huge family, we just moved to charlotte, nc SOLELY, so i could go to a massage school that i wanted to go to to become a massage therapist, my ultimate goal is to be a holistic healer if you will, massage being the "normally accepted" along with being a nutritional counselor, i'm also a certified herbalist and plan to become a master herbalist or possibly a naturopath, i cant decide yet and a MW.. prefering HB. Obviously i have high schooling hopes as well Keep in mind, you have 9 months, you can always pick up PT classes right now, just because you have a baby doesnt mean your dreams and goals must stop... many colleges offer online, corrospondance and evening classes, it may take you an extra year to acheive your goal, depending how much you'd need anyway to become a nurse practitioner... your possible new one will likley be nearly ready for school by the time you complete the courses! You could likely even find PT employent as a nurse practitionerif you wanted but also wanted to be mostly home with the newest one.. of course thats a lil way off
When my mom got preg with my lil sis(13yrs after me and being told there was no way she could get preg) she just told everyone... God must know just what i can handle and i guess i need HUGE gaps betweeen children. Now occassionally i question him(26 yrs old with 9-10 children??? ), but i believe the same. I"m not "pushing my religion" on anyone.. but i would suggest that if you do believ in God... ask him about it.
unexspected additions can throw us for a loop thats for sure!!! I was totally thrown when i learned i was preg with my #3, #2 was 7 months old and i found out when i went to the hospital cause i broke my foot... i'd planed to wait till #2 was about 2 to start TTC#3.... she is 5 now and i cant imagine a minute of the last 5 years if she hadnt been part of it... the children and i have been thru alot and ther were times i wanted to give up, but she's been there and always seemed to make me see the bright side, even if all she was doing was sleeping
perhaps thinking back on the joys and also seeing how you can still reach your goals will make things a lil easier to soak in.
best of luck
Give yourself time to digest the news - it takes time to see the blessings in our lives. A fellow triplet mom sent me this quote once -- "Once you stop wishing you had the life you thought you wanted, you can get busy living the wonderous life that is waiting for you" . . . . I love that.
Well, Liam wasn't planned, but he is certainly not unwanted. I quit my office job where I was climbing the ladder quickly to SAH. I now take care of other people's children in addition to my own. My life is chaotic and noisy. I take an SSRI to help with PPD. I wash 15-20 loads of laundry a week and run the dishwasher daily. My queen sized bed sees many visitors. I do all of my reading in the bathroom in 10 minute increments. I rarely wear makeup or fix my hair. I sing Twinkle Twinkle daily and I look forward to 10:30 because Oobie is on. MY only time that is mine is the 37 minutes I take to go work out 3 nights a week.....no, this isn;t what I had planned when I got my business degree, but it is my life. And I wouldn't change a thing. I love it. And, I love my dh for buying me sporty wheels for my "uterus on wheels" minivan.
I just have no idea how to break the news to my husband (we're pretty close and usually talk about everything/anything) but I just know this news is going to be so stressful on him (with a new job and transferring out of state and $ being tight)... I think I'll try to hold off a bit,.... OK, we all know how hard it is to keep this sort of news to ourselves!!!
At least I don't have any "bad" preg symptoms! My other two pregnancies and births were GREAT!
Once the third gets here, you will wonder how you lived without him/her.
(btw, we loved having three so much that we are trying for #4 now. )
I have two things to say mostly, that have been true for me. First, I think that when you are just looking at those two lines on the test and thinking about all the practicalities it is overwhelming and you can't imagine how it will be, etc. etc. It is impossible at this point to think about the *person* you have co-created. You may be satisfied with the number of children that you have now, as I was, but soon (may take a while) you will be able to get in touch with your feelings for this person and you will know that your life would be empty without him/her. YOu could ask my brother. THey had 2 kids and had scheduled his vasectomy when she turned up pregnant just 3 months after their second was born. Oh what turmoil they went through! Fast forward to when "Baby#3" is four years old and they discover he has cancer. He died 2 years later after a very brave fight. I have SO often thought about how they wondered how in the heck they would deal with all their kids, the difficult pregnancy and bedrest, all the sicknesses and stress of life and transitions happening.... but what they wouldn't give today to have that third child back again to make their family complete. I say all that just to say hang on 'til the reality of the person inside you becomes real; then it will all be different.
The other thing is thinking outside the box. I mean, now you are a mother of two. You aren't just adding more to what you're doing and staying in the same box. Your reality will be different. You will use some of the same skills you have, but you will learn new ones a step at a time that are ONLY applicable to mothering 3. It's a new box and it is good and just right for you if that is what you have. Examine why you feel you need to be that certain kind of mommy to them. Where is that belief coming from? There are happy adults that come from small families and big families. What are the necessary ingredients? It may not be what you think. AND when they are grown and you and DH are gone, they will still have each other and you will be just a memory. What do you want to give them beyond just you?
I fit 3 carseats next to each other in 2 different cars.
3 IS better than 2, way way better. I always say "have 1 or three or more." never 2!!
a 3rd child dillutes tension between the first 2. It dillutes competition. It will stop parents/ grandparents/ relative/ friends from constantly comparing the 2. "So and so is the quiet one, so and so is the noisy one." Nonsense like that.
3 forces them to learn to share. You can always tell when a kid is from a family with 3 or more kids. They share better, has been my impression.
You can have a party without inviting anyone.
just my 2 cents. congratulations!!!!!!
i have moments like this with my other two, and they are all so different and lovely...
yes, my days are very VERY busy. yes, they fight over toys sometimes. yes, i had to give up my little subaru sedan in favor of a big ugly unreliable ford. yes, i have moments where they all NEED something at the same time, and the baby is screaming while the 3 year old missed the toilet, and the five year old is "cooking" in the kitchen. BUT... you deal with it as best you can because at the end of the day you have three little ones that would rather snuggle with mommy over just about anything else.
how it is easier with three than with two? my older two play together when i have to nurse the baby to sleep. my son is a HUGE help with the baby in ways that my three year old can't really help ("adam quick! i need a baby wipe!!!"). the baby LOVES her two siblings and is really interested in everything they do to the point where i can actually go to the bathroom alone and the baby doesn't try to follow me! (or i can post on mdc, haha) i have three kids to hug and kiss instead of two.
it will definately help though, to make sure you and your SO arrange some regular down time for you... a yoga class, or a long shower, or whatever you enjoy. and get a sling (or wrap, whatever) that you LOVE. it is amazing how much easier it has been to have my littlest in the mei tai on my back while doing the dishes or going for a walk or doing the shopping... it's really not any more difficult than it is with two when you have your hands free.
I did wonder what I had gotten myself into when I was newly pg with my third. That first trimester tiredness really wiped me out and with a 4 year old and 2 year old it was tough. Bedrest also wasn't easy with 2 kids, but we got through it.
I also had thought about going back to school, I also am a non working RN, but decided to just wait until my youngest was a little older.
I hope everything works out for you.
Honestly, dd has not cost us much money - yet. We have an old Renault with 3 rows of seats and a tiny car for 'lonely' journeys. We are all squeezed in a small house and don't go to theme parks or places like that. We have a family membership to the National Trust so we can visit loads of ancient buildings and stately homes and take picnics with us. There are more 2+3 deals out there than you think once you start looking.
I wish I had another sibling; my sis drives me nuts sometimes and I wish there was someone else to turn to for a contrast!
So we have 3 but are planning for a fourth.......................
Well, I'm from a family of 6 kids so I guess I can do this just fine...
But I think I'm off to make a vas. appointment for DH!
|my older two play together when i have to nurse the baby to sleep. my son is a HUGE help with the baby in ways that my three year old can't really help ("adam quick! i need a baby wipe!!!")|
Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds 10yo dd 8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds
Now that Ariel is here, and has been for almost 8 months now, I wouldn't trade her for the WORLD. I can't say the same for all third babies, but she is very happy, easygoing, self entertains VERY well. I am a much more relaxed parent. My second was colicky and cried for very much of the day and long stretches of the evening. By contrast, Ariel rarely cries. Her big brother, who is 4, adores her and is happy to play with her.
While I did have to reset the "when we can do things" clock, thankfully by only 18 months, I found adjusting to the third baby MUCH MUCH easier than adjusting to having 2 children. For one, your current children are already used to sharing you with eachother and you are used to dividing your time between them. I think Ariel self entertains so well because she LOVES, i mean absolutely lives to watch her older siblings play. She laughs more for her big brother, Trevor, than for me!
Really, all around it was an easier adjustment for me. I don't feel like my children ever get the short end of the stick, so to speak. While Rachael seems a little jealous and she pinches and scratches (she also does it to every, not just little sis) I don't feel like she is lacking in attention from me. Really, our family is very complete with 3! That was kind of rambly, but I hope it helped a bit. Congrats!
With two, if one kid is off on a playdate, the other wants to go or feels left out. With three, there are still two kids at home to play together. You get more than one "way" to practice sharing. There is not as much pressure on any one person to be the other sibling's support, or the parents' helpers when that time comes.
I don't think I am explaining it very well but three is the way to go!! Once you have three, you will wonder why you didn't plan it that way.
|3 IS better than 2, way way better. I always say "have 1 or three or more." never 2!!|
|a 3rd child dillutes tension between the first 2. It dillutes competition. It will stop parents/ grandparents/ relative/ friends from constantly comparing the 2. "So and so is the quiet one, so and so is the noisy one." Nonsense like that.|
|You can have a party without inviting anyone.|
I'm getting more and more excited about this whole new little surprise!
I haven't updated my signature line yet, but I feel like I'm really starting to embrace this pregnancy!
Keep it coming if you've got anymore comments, thoughts, stories,... Maybe 3 was my "perfect" number all along and I didn't even know it!
Originally Posted by sparklemom
I totally agree.
Again, totally agree.
When dd starts listing all the people she loves there are 4 of us before she even starts on Nanny and Grandad and all her friends.
She is learning so much from the boys, when she was smaller she hardly needed toys because they provided a 24/7 live show for her! I'm sure she will never know 'bored'.
I had finally figured out a timeline of plans (I'm anally organized), and liked that I got a little break for me time - not nursing around the clock, able to leave kiddos for a little while...etc...
Now it feels like all my plans are down the drain, and I'm not sure how to incorporate new plans - school, moving, building our home, doula stuff, etc. I know it just means I'm 2 years set back from where I am now, but in the meantime I'm lost, and terrified of 3 teeny tiny kiddos! Plus I don't want the 4th child to be years and years younger than the others, so there's that to think of too. I dwell easily.
I'm happy for the baby and all, excited. But this isn't what I planned, expected and the idea and adjustment for me is hard right now. I planned to have our new home built before more kids, and having my next babies in our jaccusi tub in our new house - not the fishy pool that s/he will be born in.
Getting 3 kiddos out of the car scares me cause I have back problems. Costs scare me. Getting zero sleep scares me. Doing 5 million loads of diapers if Austin won't potty learn, scares me. Keeping the house clean, laundry, dishes, food, my sanity - terrifying. Nevermind going out in public, or to kids programs. I feel overwhelmed.
Everyone I've talked to with 3 kids, says I'm worrying too much and that it's not that bad. Most say 1 to 2 kids was the harder transition. I think I'm a worry wart, and need to stop planning so much.
I've discovered that the way to keep me from worrying, is thinking about snuggling/nursing a teeny tiny newborn again. I can just picture it and I feel better. I know it'll all work out, I just need to remember that when I get all paranoid.
Adjusting to the idea is hard, especially when you have 9 months to worry & wonder 'what if'. I grew up in a family of 3 and loved it. My DH was oldest of 6. I think 3 is a great number, I'm not even sure why I want 4 kids, DH wants 3. It'll all be fine, it's just scary to think about until you're actually 'there'.
You'll be a great mama of 3. It really helps to just vent your worries to other moms who understand. I feel like if I talk like this to my family/inlaws - that they'll think less of me for being nervous. But here, I feel like my fears are acknowledged and that I'll be ok. Hopefully you feel better after all these great mamas gave you words of wisdom. I feel better reading it!
I love my kids and honestly thought that two at were 15 months apart were a lot of work, but I am finding the age difference between ds and dd's to be hard to balance. The girls are just getting into "big girl" stuff like sports and school. Their emotional needs are changing and they need dh and I in a different way than ds needs us. I'm used to the needs of a baby, but the need of growing girls are somewhat challenging. I didn't expect it to be so hard to raise a 6 and 7 yo, and a 1 yo. It's hard to juggle the emotional needs of these kids. I was not prepared for that at all.
Yes, it's a lot of work. Yes, you have to put your wants and desires on the back burner. Yes, it's another few years before you get some time to yourself. In the grand plan all that really matters is that your family is happy and healthy. Do you think you would have gone for the third if you had a taste of your own independance? I often ask myself that question. That was our dilema. We were just getting our lives back. I don't think I could have lived with the "what if we hadn't waited" question that would have been going through my mind had we not had our third. It would haunt me. I would have missed out on my son. My dd's would have missed out on knowing a younger sibbling. It was different for us because we planned to concieve ds, but it was a hard decision to make.
I don't think I would have gone back to being a mom of a small child had I accomplished career goals for myself before having him. I think I would have stuck with my two lovely girls and always questioned what our son would have been like had we taken that route. I'm really glad we had our third now.
I have a friend who wants four kids. She just gave birth to her first last week. She said she wants the first two close and then a couple of years between the last two. I honestly think that if she waits to have her third that she will stop at two.