Brother and sister sharing a room? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
mrzmeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: outside over there
Posts: 3,253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have a son and daughter and are looking at buying a two bedroom home. Though our dd will likely continue to co-sleep for a year or two, they'd eventually end up sharing a room. We wouldn't have to stay there forever, but would probably want to stay until they were teenagers, at least, if we could.

Any thoughts on a brother and sister sharing a room? Has anyone done this? How long are kids usually comfortable with it? And, finally...any thoughts on bunk beds in this situation?

Thanks
mrzmeg is offline  
#2 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 07:37 PM
 
Marlet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Closer to home..
Posts: 8,986
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have shared with my brother many times. It worked great for us (we are also 6 months apart in age though. That may have had something to do with it.). The first time we just had beds on oppposite walls. Not a big deal at all, it was especially nice when I got scared at night. I didn;t have to go upstairs to my parents, I coiuld just wake him up and talk with him. I think it is part of the reason we are as close as we are now.

Give more**Expect Less
There is no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothing.
Marlet is offline  
#3 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 07:43 PM
 
Lucky Charm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: brett favre's house
Posts: 7,753
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My kids shared a room until they were 5 and 8 yrs old.

We used bunk beds, and it was fine.

Then all of a sudden, our daughter needed privacy. And it was looong before she was a teen.

It seemed like they got their own rooms right i time, although i am sure they could have gone a bit longer, but not much.

The whole pre-teen time was challenging.
Lucky Charm is offline  
#4 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 07:56 PM
 
katebleu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: south of the center of the universe
Posts: 995
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my younger brother and i shared a room for a couple of years when we were 3 and 5 to 5 and 7 or so. it worked out fine because we had bunk beds and the top bunk was my private area. younger brother had to be invited by me if he wanted to go up there.
katebleu is offline  
#5 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 07:58 PM
 
Alkenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: ...life is beautiful all the time
Posts: 11,759
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My older two are 10 and almost 13 and they still share a room (with bunkbeds). Half of the time one or both ends up on my floor in the middle of the night still, no biggie.

We haven't had many "privacy" issues. Only if a friend is over and one or the other wants to be alone with them, then the other just has to respect it and stay out of the room and vice versa. Mutual respect.
Alkenny is offline  
#6 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 08:10 PM
 
USAmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Arizona
Posts: 18,763
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh and his sister shared a room until dh left home. I asked about privacy and he said you just lock the door, no big deal. They had separate beds and matching dressers. He says it made him closer to his sister and that's one reason he wants to have the kids share a room for awhile.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
USAmma is offline  
#7 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 08:14 PM
 
Ceinwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The cold, crazy north
Posts: 2,726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I shared a room with my brother as well (I'm three years older than he is). I have lots of fond memories of laughing and giggling late at night and telling stories to each other.

I think we each got our own room when I was around ten - at that age I was starting to be ready for some privacy.

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
Ceinwen is offline  
#8 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 09:36 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,773
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 21 Post(s)
my brother and i shared a room till i started my periods at 11 1/2 (bro 2 years younger than me) when my mom thought of separating us. mainly coz i was scared at night and would sleep in his bed and stain it every time.

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
#9 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 09:54 PM
 
Helen White's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With the other Naughty Mamas
Posts: 1,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My brother and I shared a room until I was 12 or 13 and he was 11. We shared a bed when we were really little, then got our own twin beds when we were older. We were perfectly fine with sharing the room. We played together all the time, so it was nice to have our toys in the same place. (We often played with GI Jos, cars, Barbies, and My Little Ponies all at the same time.) I have fond memories of telling each other stories and talking after lights went out. Of course, I was happy to get my own room when I finally did.

Anyway, I have a boy and girl 2 years apart, and now that Kira is 1, I'm seriously thinking about trying to transition them to sharing a bed together (rather than sharing a bed with us). I certainly wouldn't have a problem with them sharing a room.

Oh, forgot to respond to the bunk bed question. I would have loved a bunk bed when I was a kid! But I'll bet we would have fought over the top bunk. Surely there are creative solutions to this problem, though. If both kids can be trusted not to fall out of the top, maybe they could take turns?

Mother of three and strong advocate of being KIND to each other. (No one is going to learn how to be a better mother by your telling her she makes you want to throw up.)
Helen White is offline  
#10 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 11:07 PM
 
srain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,353
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I shared a room with my brother for a summer and had no problems, but we always knew it was temporary so that might have made a difference. I was 8 and he was 15.

In some states, weirdly enough, it's illegal for opposite-sex kids to share a room (or at leastto not have another bedroom available).
srain is offline  
#11 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 11:30 PM
 
Milkymommi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wherever the Wind Blows
Posts: 1,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In response to the pp... I believe that only applies to government housing projects that are obviously regulated. My dh grew up in a housing project and his Mama still lives there, those are definately the rules. However I don't believe that applies to those who are living independant of a housing authority. (unless maybe DCF is involved with a family as they love to make a big fuss about stuff like that)

To the op... We have 3 kiddos who share a room Well, technically anyway- our youngest ds who is almost 4 is actually still in our bed but does have a bed in the other room and opts to use the floor in there occasionally :LOL but mostly he is still with us.

We have bunkbeds for our almost 9 yo dd and our almost 7 yo ds (all have b-days soon!) dd has the top bunk and that is her private place. The boys couldn't care less at this point about space or privacy. Up till now we have had no problems at all with them sharing a space, the only thing we've encountered as of recent is dd needing a private place to dress... she has become VERY modest as would be expected with her age and all. She WILL NOT dress in front of anyone, not even Daddy anymore. So she retreats to the bathroom, no biggie. I think if given the choice she'd love her own room but since it's not an option right now it's not an issue. It never gets brought up at all by anyone and they all seem content.

I think it's an issue that will probably need to be guaged individually according to each child needs. Some kids may be able to stay a long time together while others might not be able to hack it. There's always the ever famous personality clash as they grow up and maybe other issues. So all in all I say go for it and see what happens over time, you'll be fine for at least a good 10 years I would imagine.

Ima to Mizz.Jonas- 14, Isman- 12,Javsar- 9, Nani Gweesa- 4 and Baby Micah born into the Universe sleeping at full term Oct. 19th 2008 and Partner to Abba ~ belly.gif8/2011  Grateful to be Dead  broc1.gif
Milkymommi is offline  
#12 of 34 Old 10-11-2005, 11:40 PM
 
mamawanabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: lorrie in Chicago
Posts: 2,000
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I shared a room with my brother until I was 10 1/2 (he was 8 1/2). Probably at age 9 I was beginning to want my own space, but I was still pretty OK with the situation. We had bunk bed - great fun.

I REALLY am a fan of siblings of whatever gender sharing rooms until they hit junior high or so. After that it would be difficult not just because of desire for space/privcy, but because very few if any of of the kids they know will share rooms (it isn't at all common any more), and they will be "weird" for doing it.
mamawanabe is offline  
#13 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 12:46 AM
 
Mere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 2,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am glad to hear all of this because we are planning on having dd and ds share a room (with bunkbeds) soon - they will be 4 and 2.

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
Mere is offline  
#14 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 02:27 AM
 
Sharlla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Springfield Mo
Posts: 12,042
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it would be ok until they are preteens. Then I could see a problem with it. We are adding onto our house to make sure each boy has their own room. I think having personal space and a place that is all yours is important.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

Sharlla is offline  
#15 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 03:57 AM
 
fire_lady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 754
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think there is nothing wrong with that. My brother and I shared rooms until he was 11-15 yrs old . At that age he ask for his own room.
Your son and daughter can share the bed room as long they are comfortable with it.
fire_lady is offline  
#16 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 12:13 PM
 
mamabohl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Newport News, VA, USA
Posts: 1,322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I shared a room with my brothers (3 of them!!!). Up until I was 10 or so it was just me and my older brother (he's 3.5 years older than I am), we also slept in a bed together. Then my mom had 2 more sons, 15 months apart...we were living in a 2 bedroom duplex. So as they outgrew their cribs (in my mom and step-dad's room) they moved into our room. We had 2 toddler bed and a bunk bd in one tiny room, lol. It was kinda annoying to have no space of my own...but that was with 4 of us, if it had just been me and my older brother I don't think I would've minded at all.

Genie, mama to T (4/02), I (10/04) and T (7/09)
 
 
 

mamabohl is offline  
#17 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 12:28 PM
 
Camiroo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 52
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I shared a room with my two brothers when I was younger. My parents remodeled the basement so as to have another bedroom for me to move into, but my oldest brother ended up claiming it. So middle bro and I shared a room until we were 15 and 14, respectively (at that point, my brother moved to France for a year of foreign exchange). By the time he got back, we had moved to a new house. Funny thing about it is that my oldest brother is not very close with either one of us, and middle bro and I live about 2 miles away from each other and talk every day. He is one of my best friends, and I think that for the most part, we enjoyed our time together growing up. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as your children are willing participants.... and as long as you're not homophobic. My brother is gay, and my stepfather is convinced that this is the reason! :LOL
Camiroo is offline  
#18 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 01:07 PM
 
Mylittlevowels's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: cleaning another "uh-oh"
Posts: 1,532
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My brother and I shared a room until I was 9 and he was 11. We had bunk beds
Mylittlevowels is offline  
#19 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 03:51 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I shared a room with my brother who is 2 years younger than me. I think we were 6 and 8 when we stopped sharing a room. I am pretty close to him now, not sure if that has much to do with it. My dd is 4 and ds is 2 and they have shared a room for a while now. We tried putting them in seperate rooms but one would always end up coming to sleep in the other's room. As much as they fight at times, they love each other so much and truly enjoy sharing a room. I'm not sure how long I'd keep them together though, it would depend on space available and if they still enjoyed sharing a room.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
#20 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 03:55 PM
 
trmpetplaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,918
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My best friend and her brother shared a room until my friend was 17 and her brother was 15. They had bunk beds and they got along better than most brothers and sisters I know of (including my own siblings). My two younger siblings shared a room till my sister was 9 and my brother was 7. That's when I went to college and my sister got my room. They also had bunk beds. In both cases the girl had the top bunk, but I think that was more by virtue of being older.

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
trmpetplaya is offline  
#21 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 07:29 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: raising the revolution
Posts: 4,883
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think sharing is a great idea, and if the need was there for them to share as they got older, there are always creative solutions you could do like a curtain down the middle of the room or removable screens, partitions etc... even though that would make space a bit tighter, it would allow for them to have their own "space" and privacy with the exception of one having to leave or enter the room on the other's "side" but that can be worked around!

Good luck! I don't think there is anything wrong with it until the children are uncomfortable and that usually wouldn't happen until pre-teen (if it did)...
captain crunchy is offline  
#22 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 07:32 PM
 
boobybunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,361
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My cousins shared until they were 16 and 13. They are the closet brother/sister I have ever met. I envy them. My older two shared a room until just a few months ago, at age 9 and 7. We moved them only because my daughter is a neat freak and her older brother is a slob. :LOL
boobybunny is offline  
#23 of 34 Old 10-12-2005, 10:58 PM
 
katsam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 687
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I shared a room with my brother until I was about 9. I think I really wanted my own room at that point, but I don't remember having any problems when we did share a room.
katsam is offline  
#24 of 34 Old 10-13-2005, 12:40 AM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I slept in my brother's room a lot growing up. Then he hit about 11ish and said no more. In my mommy hind sight I think that is when he started to have wet dreams and obviouslly didn't want his sister to know.

I remember accusing him of wetting the bed shortly before I was banded. :LOL
Marsupialmom is offline  
#25 of 34 Old 10-13-2005, 12:49 AM
Ok
 
Ok's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You can read the permutations below-- but we found boy/girl room sharing to be fine. All the children were with dh and I through their toddler years and know that mom and dad can share a room, all the kids take baths together (and used to with me as well). 10yo ds started requesting some privacy around 8yo-- although I think it was a space issue more than a sex issue, if that makes sense.

When we moved ds and dd out of family bed, we moved them into a room that they could share together. Sometimes they shared a bed, but often they slept in their own beds. They were 5 (ds) and 3 (dd) when we moved them out. They shared a room for a couple years. Then when dd was 6yo and we were moving 4yo ds out of family bed for new baby-- 4yo ds moved in w/ dd. She got tired of his messiness :LOL and begged to have her own room, so now 5yo ds is with 10yo ds. And the baby ds is still in bed w/ mom and dad.

Bunk beds make me nervous. However, I made a platform bed that sort of formed an Lshape over a low captains bed when the kids were smaller. The height of the home-made platform bed was only about 4ft... much smaller fall should that happen.
Ok is offline  
#26 of 34 Old 10-13-2005, 03:03 AM
 
RubyWild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,807
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm really surprised by how many sisters and brothers shared bedrooms. I think that is so great!
RubyWild is offline  
#27 of 34 Old 10-13-2005, 03:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
mrzmeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: outside over there
Posts: 3,253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for all the great responses! If anyone else has a story, I'd love to hear it too

It does sound like it's not just an acceptible idea, but perhaps a preferable one! We actually submitted an offer on the 2 bedroom house tonight. Keeping our fingers crossed...!
mrzmeg is offline  
#28 of 34 Old 10-13-2005, 09:27 AM
 
Alkenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: ...life is beautiful all the time
Posts: 11,759
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's not an accepted ideal because everyone makes everything sexual. Noone bats an eye at same-sex siblings sharing a bedroom. If it was just a privacy issue, kids would need privacy from same-sex siblings too, but I find that the people who are "concerned" about my children sharing a room always have the same argument, and it's sexual. : My answer to that? My DH was molested by his BROTHER, so if it's going to happen it doesn't matter WHAT sex they are or whether they share a room together.
Alkenny is offline  
#29 of 34 Old 10-14-2005, 03:20 AM
 
mama2monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 176
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son & dd share a room. They have bunkbeds & they LOVE it!! I had the option to put the girls in one room & let my lil man have his own room but my dd & ds are so close. They are still young & often they even will sleep together on the bottom bunk. My ds & dd are still young & to them it is just normal i guess. They have shared aroom for 8 months now since we bought our new home. in our case my oldest dd is 8 & she likes having her own room & space. I think in our case letting the girls share a room would have caused issues.
mama2monkeys is offline  
#30 of 34 Old 10-14-2005, 04:08 AM
 
2kids4now's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: CA
Posts: 35
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

I have a ds (7) and a dd (4) who have been sharing a room for 2 years now. They now both sleep in the bunk bed, but they started out with dd in the toddler bed until she potty learned (easier to clean a crib mattress than futon LOL - and ds wasn't ready to be on the top of the bunk beds yet).

As far as sleeping arrangements it seems to be working fine. The only issue we have is when ds wants some quiet/private time and dd wants to play (with him). I think even separate bedrooms wouldn't solve that problem right now.

I'm encouraged to hear that our children should be fine sharing a room for some time. I'm so glad I found this thread!

May
2kids4now is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off