Not sure how to handle this - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 10-12-2005, 05:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First of all, dh is from India and I'm from the US and am caucasian. Dd1 is a perfect blend of both of us, and dd2 is slightly lighter. Of course all of dh's family is darker skinned. Dd has been aware of skin color differences for a long time and I thought I had done a good job of educating her about how we are all different and that's great.

Last night she was given a toy set with three dolls in it. Two causasian ones and a brown-skinned one. We were picking dolls to play with and she threw the brown one at me. I said, "You don't want to play with this one, I guess? Why not?" and she said "Because she has a brown face."

Where did this come from?! What can I do about it?

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#2 of 11 Old 10-12-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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maybe there is another reason she didnt want to play with it.
Maybe she wanted one that looked like mommy.
maybe she didnt equate brown face with brown skin but something else.

IMO, I'd wait and watch. See what happens next time. It may have had absolutely nothing to do with what you are thinking.

hugs!


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#3 of 11 Old 10-12-2005, 05:32 PM
 
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I agree with Amy, you never can tell why kids think the way they do.

That said, does she go to school? Has anything been said to her that you might not be aware of?

: I hope it's nothing more then her wanting the mommy to look like you

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
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#4 of 11 Old 10-12-2005, 05:36 PM
 
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ITA w/the two PP. My mother gave my niece an AA baby doll to play with, it was one of her favorites. Maybe try that?
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#5 of 11 Old 10-13-2005, 09:22 AM
 
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I agree with the PP's also. She could have wanted a lighter skinned one like her baby sister too.
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#6 of 11 Old 10-13-2005, 11:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! I feel better now. I still haven't found the right time to ask her but the more I think about it the more I'm pretty sure it was innocent. Sometimes we adults read too much into things.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#7 of 11 Old 10-13-2005, 02:13 PM
 
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My four kids are biracial (Carribean and Caucasian). My girls went through a phase where they did not play with darker skin dolls. I, being white, assumed that I had somehow screwed up. What I have seen though is at younger ages they wanted a doll that looked more like them. The darker dolls were not what they looked like. Although the white ones didn't completely either, they were closer. A friend gave us a Latino doll and they all fell in love with that. I think a lot has to do with self perception at different stages. Now at 8,6 and 4 my girls play with both types of dolls equally. My ds (2) on the other hand has never cared. It is hard to remember their thought process doesn't follow the same path as ours.
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#8 of 11 Old 10-13-2005, 04:36 PM
 
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FWIW dd has dolls of every color, sometimes she likes the lighter, sometimes she likes the darker. It's just what she wants at the time.

Unless it keeps happening I wouldn't worry about it.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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#9 of 11 Old 10-14-2005, 11:11 PM
 
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Where do you find all the black dolls? I needed a bunch of them for my mission in africa, and had a heck of a time finding any to send over there.
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#10 of 11 Old 10-16-2005, 12:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherylannl
Where do you find all the black dolls? I needed a bunch of them for my mission in africa, and had a heck of a time finding any to send over there.
Go to a part of town with a higher minority population. My local wal-mart is dominated by AA dolls & books. I actually have problems finding books at the local branch library that have a few caucasian faces in them, which really made me realize what AA kids go through with most bookstores/toystores/libraries. Until I was someplace where I was the minority, I just never really noticed it all that much.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

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#11 of 11 Old 10-18-2005, 02:01 PM
 
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I would wait and see as well. I worry about the same issues. DH is very dark and I am very pale. Right now she seems to have no preference. Last year when I was looking for a cabbage patch kid like her, she picked the AA one that was a boy and named him after her dad. She seems to like whatever she has and doesn't seem to notice that we are all different colors. Maybe though because his family is all different shades of brown as well as my friends from white to dark like her daddy.

Keep us posted. I keep wondering if it will come up, especially if the baby is a different color that she is. She is pretty much in between me and DH.
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