THe "lying to your kids" concept is not why we do not do Santa with our DC. We feel that fantasy and make believe is an extremely important part of childhood, and we do not believe that encouraging it is "lying".
DD (age 4) believes wholeheartedly in fairies, and it brings her a lot of joy to build fairy houses and imagine the fairies coming to visit them. She leaves them little notes and they write notes back to her.
THe main reason we do not do Santa Clause with our children is that we do not like the whole "If you are good Santa will bring you presents, but if you are bad he will not." This whole thing bothers me so much. I feel like it is bribing your child to be good so that he/she will recieve material things. And what about kids who do not do presents on Christmas for whatever reason? I do not want my children thinking they are on "Santa's naughty list." I do not want them to think Christmas is all about what presents they and others will or will not recieve.
What are your thoughts?
I personally feel there are different "degrees" of Santa. I had a friend whose parents really went out of their way to make Santa "real". Elaborate explanations of how Santa does what he does, to the point of arguing with the children when they questioned it. And the dad would even go on the roof and make reindeer tracks in the snow, and track snow/ashes around the hearth to make it look like Santa came down the chimney. Would have the kids write to Santa and Santa write back. Very intense. We just tell it like any other story, and plan to let the kids believe as much and for as long as they want.
When ds was 2, he believed Thomas was real. When we saw and rode on the "real" Thomas, he was ecstatic. Now that he's 5, he understands that the Thomas stories are just make-believe, but I never had to sit down and explain it to him. This year, I can see the Santa myth starting to unravel for him too, and that's fine. I think it will happen on its own, and if he asks me "is Santa real?", I plan to help him research the matter, read about the history of Santa, rather than giving him a "yes" or "no"
Anyway, my point (I think ) was that I think you can pick and choose what you like and make your own Santa tradition.
I think that we'll have the story of santa, and all that. I don't know about paying to get a picture taken with him.. That's a little stupid to me. But, if my DS wants that when he gets here, I probably won't deny him. I think that not doing santa is a weird thing just because people will ask the DC's 'What is Santa going to bring you this year?' and 'Have you been good? Santa's watching!'
I've become much more sensitive with what I say, since I work around children. I ask them what Holiday they celebrate, and if they bring up Santa, then I play along. After having a little Jewish boy say 'Um, we don't do Christmas, and Santa isn't real', I tried a different method. Works much better.
I don't like the idea of lying to my children, and arguing with them, creating reindeer tracks, making a mess of the living room with soot, that's a little overboard. I think that telling them the story of St. Nick, and how it's changed over the years, is a much better (and more honest) approach.
Originally Posted by Greenie
creating reindeer tracks, making a mess of the living room with soot
|THe main reason we do not do Santa Clause with our children is that we do not like the whole "If you are good Santa will bring you presents, but if you are bad he will not." This whole thing bothers me so much. I feel like it is bribing your child to be good so that he/she will recieve material things.|
I was raised with Santa and I was absolutely devastated when I found out he wasn't real, so I don't feel like we have to do Santa.
I also hate the bribery thing. Honestly, even if I had the most evil kids on the planet, I would still buy them a little something.
Thats one of the many reasons we are not going to pretend santa is real.
Don't get me wrong, I think gift giving is a great thing- year round. If I'm out, and I see something that I KNOW a friend would like (and I have the money lol) I love to get it for them. THAT is true gift giving. Christmas inspired obligatory gifts is not.
I know it's different with kids, but I still want to keep the Christmas gift giving to a minimum (VERY minimum), and just get stuff for him throughout the year, for no reason at all except that I want him to have it. I don't like the idea that you "have to" buy gifts for your kid simply because it's a specific day of the year.
Probably not a popular opinion, but there it is.
Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
I don't agree that the 'lying' about Santa is harmful or wrong, so we do the whole Santa thing here. the things I do NOT like about Santa are the materialism and the good/bad thing, so we do not practice that part at all.
It does bug me to think of kids getting loads of presents from a basically anonymous man on the north pole and that the kids feel entitled to it. For what? When my dd gets a gift I want her to know that someone she knows and loves picked that out with her in mind and that it required effort/thought/money etc. I feel that's necessary for her to understand and experience gratitude.
In our family Santa brings the stocking, and that's it. Some clementines, lollipops, a trinket or two - just small little delights that will fit in a stocking.
the whole santa thing was so bad for me and beside being really mad abiout having been lied to for so long it wa s great reliefe to find out there wasn't some guy at the north pole who hated our family as much as everyone in our small town did.
not everyone thought the whole santa thing was funa nd delightful. for some of us it weas stressful and heartbeaking and just one more way to be reiminded the the whole world was unfair for some people.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
Also when I was a little kid the whole Santa thing just weirded me out. Why was this strange old man buying me presents and not my parents? Why was it okay that he was breaking into our house? I just didn't want some stranger in my house at night when I was asleep, presents or no.
Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (17) Seth (10) Pandora Moonlilly (6) and Nevermore Stargazer (3) Married to awesome SAH DH.
|It does bug me to think of kids getting loads of presents from a basically anonymous man on the north pole and that the kids feel entitled to it. For what? When my dd gets a gift I want her to know that someone she knows and loves picked that out with her in mind and that it required effort/thought/money etc. I feel that's necessary for her to understand and experience gratitude.|
And also, I don't want my DD thinking that other kids somehow don't deserve Santa's bounty, but she does.
Mom to 5 wonderful kids (9, 6, 4, 2 and 0), 1 adopted through foster care.
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1. The lying. I think you can still be magical & do make believe but not insist that Santa/other characters really exist & write letters. I love fairies & nature, but I'll tell my kids that I like to PRETEND there are fairies who live in our garden, not that there ARE fairies who live in our garden.
2. The good/bad kid theme - ugh.
3. The commercialism of the holidays - buying gifts because you HAVE to, rather than just randomly seeing something somebody would love & giving it to them right away...
4. We celebrate the Winter Solstice instead.
We'll still talk about Santa as a character & explain the good will behind St. Nick. If our kids want to pretend & play Santa games, fine, but I'm not going to lie and tell them that he's real.
I think it's all about how each parent decides to do Santa.
ETA: I know this is going to come out weird, but hopefully some will understand what I'm trying to say. We are Christians, but really... I don't think of Christmas as Jesus' birthday. We focus on God and Jesus every single day. We pray every day, read the Bible every day, attend church 3 times a week (more if they have activities), etc. Jesus is part of who we are. Giving him one certain day a year seems odd to me (not for others, just for my family). More than likely Christmas will be a Santa, reindeer, Frosty the Snowman thing for us. We'll focus on Jesus just as much as we do any other day.
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