|View Poll Results: What do you get the MOST criticism about?|
|breastfeeding at all||5||1.67%|
|not doing cry-it-out sleep training||27||9.00%|
|babywearing/holding baby a lot||18||6.00%|
|other food and diet-related issues||27||9.00%|
|gentle discipline styles||32||10.67%|
|other (please explain-- I couldn't think of anymore right now!)||25||8.33%|
|Voters: 300. You may not vote on this poll|
A thread in diapering about strangers making comments about a child's cloth diapers got me thinking. I realized that I've gotten far more comments about babywearing, both positive and negative, and negative comments about co-sleeping, than I have about cloth diapering. And I know so many of us have gotten criticized for our AP and NFL choices, and felt the need to defend them.
So I thought we'd have a survey about what has brought on the most negative comments for YOU!
I voted for co-sleeping. Absolutely anyone who ever visits my house comments on the lack of a separate room for DD. Although she has slept in her own room part-time for about a month now, so I guess the comments might decrease soon. Surprising, nobody has ever said a word to me about CIO. My family and DH's are not the sleep-training types, I guess.
************Edited to add an apology for leaving out homeschooling, and also homebirth and natural birth. Sorry!!!
The only comments that actually bother me are the ones from people who KNOW that we are happy with our arrangements, but they still choose to believe that it's not possible, so they continue to make unwanted suggestions. I have it pretty easy, though overall, because I am older and most people know I am not the type who takes well to uninvited advice.
BIL Oct. 1961 - Jun. 2009 taken by cancer
Three years later and we still co-sleep part time and I wouldn't have it any other way
Not vaxing has gotten us a lot of negative attention when we have to go to the Doctor. I don't mind though, I've done my research and am comfortable with my descision. I'll go head to head with any doctor any day to support my choice not to vax.
Home'bing, hsing (I get the most support with this), selective vax on our timeline, no circ, no spanking, no CIO-share sleep, organic foods, wooden toys-- all fine and interesting to most, ime. Over the years, people have asked respectful questions about most everything. I've never had any really bad conversations. But even the most homeschool-y- hippie-libertarian-free- love-no-war, hang-Bush folks will do the freaky face thing when hearing or seeing a 3 yr old nurse. 'Wow! Are you sure that's *healthy* for them"!? Too much reading of Greek tragedies, I guess.
I also get lost of negativity about wanting to homeschool (he'll be socially retarted-direct quote- He won't have any friends. He won't be smart as the other kids. He'll be stunted, socially...yup because I intend to keep him locked away and not let him have any friends)
Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012) Married to awesome SAH DH.
Anyway, I picked gentle discipline. Only because all of the other choices on the poll rarely come up with people outside of my immediate circle.
My “discipline” style is very laid back. As long as my DS isn’t harming himself or causing others harm I pretty much let him make all of his own decisions and he deals with the natural consequences of his actions. Despite him being a wonderful, bright child who is usually very mild mannered people who I discuss this with still feel the need to go on and on about how children need discipline, preferably the strict spanking, shaming type crap.
I have actually heard one person say that small children are comparable to puppies or other semi intellegent animals. They need to be trained right from the beginning or else you’re going to have major problems later on.
So, because I don’t believe in hitting my child or degrading him on a daily basis for age appropriate things, I am basically looking forward to having a completely out of control sociopath later on.
Liz Lovin' DH DS (12) and forever missing DD (12/02/07)
From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my boy!!! 12/14/11
I think we'd get more negative comments about not circ-ing if more people knew about it.
We've never gotten a negative comment on cloth diapering, but people's reactions are usually along the lines of, "Wow, it's great for the environment that you do that, but you must be a saint to take on all that horrible extra work!" They never tried it, so how would they know? We rave on and on about how easy it is!
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 10 years old and a girl EnviroBaby 1 year old!
I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more.
I only nursed my children a couple of years so I didn't get a lot of somments about that bcause it is entirely unusual. Same with co-sleeping.
people think I am realy cool for cloth diapering and some kind of martyr.
But the vax thing. Holy moly - not only am I putting my baby in a life threatening position but also thiers. How dare I. I don't get to just opt out. everyony has to do it or it won't work ya know.
and homeschooling. I think a lot of people feel judged when I homeschool and they dont (those who feel it really is the best choice but are too lazy to do it)or they feel like I should be putting all that time and energy into making thier childs school better for everyone. (I would so not be the type of parent to volunteer.)
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
We don't discuss our vax decisions w/ many people but I'm sure we'd get negative comments about it if we did.
The grandparents think we are "too strict" when it comes to nutrition--basically all we do is limit sugar and junk and no soda
In general DH's friends think we're crazy liberal hippies when it comes to parenting and we get into some pretty good debates with them but they aren't negative or rude about it (other than the circ issue) We co-sleep, cloth diaper, babywear, extended BF, no-circ, selectively vac., gentle dicipline--they do none of these
My heartfelt thanks to all those that have donated milk to others; you are amazing
Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)
Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!
So, I tell my story on another board and this person tells me that since I was "too lazy" to BF, and would not get milk from a milk bank as we do not have money for that, that I was unfit as a mother. She claims that my medical problems were a lie and that everyone who ever said they "couldn't" BF just made up excuses not to do it. She talked down to me as if I were totally stupid. I told her where to get off and how to do it.
I do not judge anyone for their choice on how to feed their child. I would never ever speculate why a mama is using a bottle or not. However, I also am FULLY supportive of NIP. I think that BF moms get a bad rap too. I would have even participated in those "nurse-ins" some people were doing awhile back, but since I FF, I figured I might not be welcome.
mama to a sweet girl , & 4 silly boys
Only one person gets on my case about not vaxing. The world at large doesn't know about that. Likewise with co-sleeping, only close friends and family know but I'd have to say that's getting the most comments now from family.
It'll be homeschooling soon, though. I have a feeling the homeschooling stuff will make all that came before it look like small potatoes.
Another biggie has been No TV and our diet. Alot of ppl feel the need to comment on those two things as well. (I am so sick of the 'forbidding it will make it more alluring' argument I could scream.)
Diapers - when pregnant with DS, my dad asked my hubby if he wanted in on the pool about how long the "cloth diaper thing" would last, most people were betting 2 weeks. Before Christmas this year, when asking for the link to buy DS' new size large pocket dipes as a gift, my dad asked if they should just get gender-neutral colors from here on out. Talk about a 180!
Vax - I don't talk about it, my son's medical record is nobody's business.
Extended breastfeeding or not circ'ing - anybody who questions it can go F off.
Chaotic mama to 5 plus a bonus one on the way.
Circumcision is wrong, regardless of gender
That said I have probably received almost as many comments about ebf, cio and circ.
However I must say that my family is rediculously supportive, even my in-laws so even when they are baffled by the things I do they usually get over it pretty quick and think that I must be some sort of gifted ubermom to have thought of these things.
But by far the one I've gotten the most comments about has been my no-vax stance...from my mother, who says I'm putting my dd's life in danger and she has made comments to other people about calling CPS. *sigh*
Of course, my mother, who has always praised me for being an independent free-thinker who doesn't follow the flock also thinks I blindly follow everything MDC says If that were the case, I'd being living off-grid, in a yurt, eating an organic vegan diet (from my own garden of course), ECing, using cloth TP in addition to my cloth mama pads, raising chickens, sheep and goats, knitting and sewing all of my clothing (from yarn I spun from my sheep) , unschooling my kids who never watch TV, and DH would never touch another video game.
Come to think of it... that sounds like a nice vacation Anyone care to join me?
I said babywearing because almost every single person we know has said, "you'll need to put the baby down sometime and you definitely need a stroller". Yes, we have had to put the baby down on occasion (not very often at all though - and I happen to LIKE holding her ), but I personally HATE strollers and find them to be the biggest pain ever. I helped push my younger siblings in them and it was no fun at all. The wheels get messed up, it's really hard in a crowd of people, and stairs or trails cannot be done at all. When she's bigger we may think about getting one, but for an infant??? I think not. Not that I care if other people use the stupid clunky things...
The other thing we get a lot of flack about is EC. At least till I explain it in great detail. Then we get looks of absolute awe and amazement. "Your 6 week old has gone 12 hours without messing up a diaper???????" Wow. Amazing "She TELLS you when she has to go????" Yep!
But before I explain everything about it, people think we're completely mad
love and peace.
: Circumcision can never be undone :
I think people probably thought I was crazy to EBF and WOH, since it involved so much pumping, but everyone was, for the most part, supportive. Now when I find out a woman is WOH and pumping, I make sure to tell her what a great thing she is doing for her baby.