Just saw this - SOOO sorry that happened to you. How awful and scary.
First of all, I am sad that you felt you needed a couple of drinks (I myself enjoy the Mike's Hard Berry or Cranberry....
) to come here for support. You did nothing wrong. You didn't cause it. You responded as well as anyone could have. I wouldn't have done as well. I strive never to hit my kids but would have in that situation, whether out of fear or anger or.... I don't know. You did an incredible job and you should feel absolutely NO embarrassment over what transpired.
Second of all, I would try to not hold on to the words he said. Kids get to a certain age and learn that they can hurt us with words. He was angry. My dd1 is nine and more in control of her emotions these days but when she was younger, she would resort to mean comments if things didn't go her way sometimes.
Sounds like he has a lot to deal with right now. I am glad he is in therapy; that can only help I'd think - assuming you really like his therapist. I agree that he needs a good physical outlet. Are the hockey practices and games in any way violent or physically aggressive? If so, that might not be the best outlet for him. I agree with finding something else if that is the case.
He needs that one on one time with you. It is hard for us as parents to really WANT that when they are being so impossible to be around sometimes. When my dd1 went through her hard stage, everyone told me to spend one on one time with her - I didn't want to! It was all I could do to get through the time we had to spend together; I didn't want any extra! It was a very hard time for both of us. We survived it; you will too.
The physical part is what concerns me. If he can hurt you, he most certainly can do some very serious damage to 3 and 2 year old girls. He clearly has some anger control issues. He is not a toddler; he is seven. He knows it is out of control. And when his godfather pulled rank on him, he dropped right into line. So he was not as completely out of control as it may have seemed. He wasn't "out of his mind"; he was able to pull it together when he got that phone call.
I really don't think the physical threat was so terrible. It will not be popular on MDC but that was an awful situation in which people could clearly have been seriously injured or killed. Telling a seven year old to stop it or he will be spanked doesn't seem at all out of line to me. But I never claimed to be super GD either... GD is great and works for lots of people on this board. But the situation you described went beyond what GD could do. Really, is the threat of spanking worse than him getting hit by a car as he runs across the road? Or causes a head on collision?
I would up the number of days per week he sees the therapist, with an emphasis on anger management. Personally, I would look into some medication for him - you have two other small children and are doing this by yourself right now. You can't have what happened that day happen again. No one wants to put their child on meds but maybe a 30 day trial on something low dose? I am generally very anti-meds for kids but it is needed in some cases.
I hope I didn't say anything that makes it any worse for you. I totally feel for you and think you did a great job that day. It will not always be as hard as it is right now. Take care of yourself during this time too. Do you have a friend or sibling who can babysit for you once a week so you can go out with a friend or something? Keep us posted on how things are going.