My cry for help... - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 103 Old 01-03-2006, 07:38 PM
 
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: I cannot imagine what you are going through now and don't have time to fully digest or answer just wanted you to know that your post brought tears to my eyes and I will be thinking of you and hoping that this can be sorted out. Poor mama, poor baby:

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
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#92 of 103 Old 01-03-2006, 07:55 PM
 
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My first thought was that it sounds like some substance in his body is making him act this way -- food or a medication perhaps? Is he taking or eating anything different? My son was on a cough medication called B-Tuss once when he was about 2.5 years old, and he went absolutely CRAZY, throwing these huge fits, biting, kicking, screaming. It was horrible and SO not like him.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, mama. I would definitely talk to his therapist about this rage very soon.
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#93 of 103 Old 01-04-2006, 01:32 AM
 
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I am very sorry that you are dealing with this difficult situation.

I haven't read all the responses yet, so please accept my apology if I am repeating. One thing that stood out for me is the fact that you were taking him to hockey. It is my experience that hockey is a very violent sport, and children who already have anger issues have a very hard time keeping their emotions separate from what they percieve as the game. I hope you consider removing him from such a violent sport, and put him into something that will help him bring out more positive aspects of his personality.
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#94 of 103 Old 01-04-2006, 02:04 AM
 
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There are some physical issues that can cause rapid mood swings or rages. Thyroid issues springs to mind, hormonal imbalances, high or low blood sugar, nutrient deficiencies...just a few that pop to mind.

It might be worth getting a really thorough physical, complete with bloodwork.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#95 of 103 Old 01-04-2006, 02:23 AM
 
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Hope your son gets the help he needs and you don't have to deal with another outburst for a long time!! I am having similar problems and am trying to figure out what to do. I don't know your son's age but there is a cut-off age 13 here, where a parent loses the ability to put a child in mental health treatment without the consent of the child which makes it really difficult to get help.
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#96 of 103 Old 01-04-2006, 05:06 PM
 
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How's everyone feeling today, mama?
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#97 of 103 Old 01-04-2006, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We seem to be improving. He handled some disappointment very, very well last night,(he wanted to go to a friend's house before dinner/before homework, etc and he was tired from not going to bed the night before, and so I told him that it wasn't a good idea.) but he handled it very well, cried some and yelled a bit, but no violence. DD2 told me "I hate you, you stupid poopyhead"....but she's two. she's trying it on for size,

We have an appt tomorrow and I've writting down everything I can remember from that night, including things that were said, how I felt, etc....so we'll see what the therapist says. And I called a nurse that I know. Our ped just retired and there's not really anyone at our clinic that I like, so I called her and asked her to find someone that I could work with, someone that I'm not going to have to fight with over parenting/vacs/etc. She's supposed to get back with me today.

I don't know. I want to say that we're healing, but without knowing the cause, it doesn't feel like healing, more like.....surviving? Does that make any sense? But, I keep coming back here....reading all the love and support when I start feeling overwhelmed with it. And the bruises on my hand are starting to heal....Thank you so much for asking.
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#98 of 103 Old 01-04-2006, 10:08 PM
 
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Just major, major hugs and support here, mama.
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#99 of 103 Old 01-05-2006, 12:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by APMom98
I want to say that we're healing, but without knowing the cause, it doesn't feel like healing, more like.....surviving?
Surviving is good. Hang on to that. I'm glad your friend is going to look into a reccomendation for a ped that will support your parenting choices - that is key.

Keep on surviving. Healing will come as you work through finding causes and prevention etc.

Hugs to you mama.
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#100 of 103 Old 01-05-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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Just saw this - SOOO sorry that happened to you. How awful and scary.

First of all, I am sad that you felt you needed a couple of drinks (I myself enjoy the Mike's Hard Berry or Cranberry.... ) to come here for support. You did nothing wrong. You didn't cause it. You responded as well as anyone could have. I wouldn't have done as well. I strive never to hit my kids but would have in that situation, whether out of fear or anger or.... I don't know. You did an incredible job and you should feel absolutely NO embarrassment over what transpired.

Second of all, I would try to not hold on to the words he said. Kids get to a certain age and learn that they can hurt us with words. He was angry. My dd1 is nine and more in control of her emotions these days but when she was younger, she would resort to mean comments if things didn't go her way sometimes.

Sounds like he has a lot to deal with right now. I am glad he is in therapy; that can only help I'd think - assuming you really like his therapist. I agree that he needs a good physical outlet. Are the hockey practices and games in any way violent or physically aggressive? If so, that might not be the best outlet for him. I agree with finding something else if that is the case.

He needs that one on one time with you. It is hard for us as parents to really WANT that when they are being so impossible to be around sometimes. When my dd1 went through her hard stage, everyone told me to spend one on one time with her - I didn't want to! It was all I could do to get through the time we had to spend together; I didn't want any extra! It was a very hard time for both of us. We survived it; you will too.

The physical part is what concerns me. If he can hurt you, he most certainly can do some very serious damage to 3 and 2 year old girls. He clearly has some anger control issues. He is not a toddler; he is seven. He knows it is out of control. And when his godfather pulled rank on him, he dropped right into line. So he was not as completely out of control as it may have seemed. He wasn't "out of his mind"; he was able to pull it together when he got that phone call.

I really don't think the physical threat was so terrible. It will not be popular on MDC but that was an awful situation in which people could clearly have been seriously injured or killed. Telling a seven year old to stop it or he will be spanked doesn't seem at all out of line to me. But I never claimed to be super GD either... GD is great and works for lots of people on this board. But the situation you described went beyond what GD could do. Really, is the threat of spanking worse than him getting hit by a car as he runs across the road? Or causes a head on collision?

I would up the number of days per week he sees the therapist, with an emphasis on anger management. Personally, I would look into some medication for him - you have two other small children and are doing this by yourself right now. You can't have what happened that day happen again. No one wants to put their child on meds but maybe a 30 day trial on something low dose? I am generally very anti-meds for kids but it is needed in some cases.

I hope I didn't say anything that makes it any worse for you. I totally feel for you and think you did a great job that day. It will not always be as hard as it is right now. Take care of yourself during this time too. Do you have a friend or sibling who can babysit for you once a week so you can go out with a friend or something? Keep us posted on how things are going.
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#101 of 103 Old 01-05-2006, 12:59 AM
 
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Me again. I forgot one point!

A friend's dd1 had some anger management issues and was physically scary with her little sister (slamming her head in doors, etc.) They found that red dye #40(?) was a real trigger for her. When they took that out of her diet, she improved a lot - with just that one change.
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#102 of 103 Old 01-06-2006, 11:38 AM
 
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I don't have advice but didn't want to read without a
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#103 of 103 Old 01-06-2006, 12:23 PM
 
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My dear dear friend has a son who is now 13. He is such an awesome kid...I've never seen him ever lose it.

But she tells tales of his younger years that make you wonder how they survived. He also popped out of his car seat to attack her--more than once
Thankfully she had two older children who were able to help somewhat when that happened.

In the end, his anger management became an entire family project. There were signals that a blow-up was coming--and anyone in the family that saw those could 'sound the alarm'--which meant taking the family's baby into another area of the house and trying to diffuse the situation as best as possible...if possible...

It ended up that one sibling was much better than anyone else at recognizing and calming him....
and as he got older, they all worked to help him recognize the signs that a storm was brewing.

And as I said above--I can't picture this kiddo ever being the way I've heard. He is such an awesome kid and is SO patient with my kids.

You did an awesome job with your son--it is so hard to find safe ways to handle your kid attacking you (my youngest does this...). My gut instinct is to fight back and to stiffle that is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do--I'd take labor and birth over handling those situations ANY day.

I know someone mentioned Rescue Remedy....it is amazing stuff--I carry it with us all the time now.
BUT. It doesn't do ANYTHING if I try to make ds take it. I have to offer it and wait until he wants it for it to make an explosion end.
However, I take it the second he starts to lose control. It helps me deal with things in a semi-rational manner.
We use the spray, which I just carry with my wallet.

And another vote for 'dyes are EVIL'. We knew that dairy makes ds lose control, but never caught the dyes until this Christmas when my mom and the kids made 100% safe cookies with all sorts of decorations. Ds ate about 5 of the little red cinnamon candies and was acting like he was possessed for 2 days afterwards

s mama

mom to three boys:  reading.gif(18 bigeyes.giffencing.gif(10&7)
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