Anyone with a 4(ish) year age gap between siblings? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-08-2006, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by wurzelkind
May I also give my .02$?

DH and BIL and not more than 21 months apart. They had rough time when they from when preschool-aged until after both their teen years. They hit each other, they got mad at each other, they through things at each other - you name it, they did it. I know that they also had a lot of good times but still my DH tells his mom that he had secretly wished for more support.
Now they run a company together and that's the best decicion they ever made. Both know the other one almost like they know themselves, they rarely argue and everything is going smooth. DH says that he can't imagine another or a better business partner. And BTW - they are 31 (BIL) and 29 (DH).

When I got pregnant DH and me envisoned a similar age gap like he and his brother had but as soon as DD was born I told him 'no way'. I was sooo filled up w/that little thing and I never wanted some other child to disturb this. Since we decided that I will beginn an apprenticship this coming autumn (college and work mixed together, a typical european thing ) ttc is put on hold until after that - this will be in 3 years from now (Jan.'06) So DD and her future sibling will have a age gap of 5 years. A bit too long for my liking (I thing that 3.5-4 yrs is best) but ok. I sooo miss being pregnant and I am soo looking forward to it!

So to the OP - 4 years is just perfect in my eyes! :thump up
I'm German too. I've lived in the UK for 5 years (my dh is British). My brother just qualified as a lawyer in Munich.
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Old 01-08-2006, 08:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to thank everyone who has posted here.

Your experiences have been very valuable, helpful and reassuring for me to read.

This is such a huge, life-changing step and it's great to connect with other mamas who have insights to share.
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Old 01-08-2006, 08:51 PM
 
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Good luck with TTC!! I also felt like I was somehow breaking the sacred bond of "we three" when we started to ttc for our second child. Having our second daughter has brought out something in our first daughter that is magical. The girls do fight somtimes but mostly there is love. Lots of it. My dd1, who was very high needs and self centered (and still whines a lot ) has turned into a little nurturer. She will do things for her sister that are so thoughtful. Like sneak into her room and put animals and books on little sister's bed "so if she wakes up she'll be happy to find her toys there." My dd1 reads to her baby sister, teaches her ABC's, and they are learning to become playmates (toddler sometimes makes that hard since she doesn't do cooperative play yet).

My toddler adores her big sister, easily forgives her after fights, and wants to copy everything she does. If my dd1 is napping and dd2 is awake, she will ask for her big sister and look for her.

Having 2 kids definitely changes the family dynamics and there are challenges, but there are also so many joys.The greatest gift I have given my daughters is each other.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 01-08-2006, 08:58 PM
 
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My dd is 4y 12d older than my ds and i wouldnt have it any other way(cept for maybe a bit farther apart) When I first decided to have kids I knew that I would want them spaced at least 4-5 years apart. The reason for this in my mind was because I wanted to be able to enjoy a newborn without the demands of a younger child 2-3yo still possibly in diapers and needing me to do everything for them. My dd helps me so much I cant describe it. If I am nursing ds and cant move around she can do simple things for me like bringing me something to drink or handing me a diaper for ds. And when I am driving she can hand ds toys and stuff. I guess that makes her seem like a bit of a maid but it isnt that way honestly. She is also old enough to understand when I explain to her that I have to do things for ds right now. With say a 2yo that prolly wouldnt be as easy. And she is old enough that if I have to go to the bathroom it is safe to leave her for a few min. alone with ds. I guess not all kids are this way but dd is really in love with ds and is supper with him very gentle 97% of the time. Plus I have a older brother (8yrs) and a younger brother (2yrs) younger and by far i got along much better with my oler brother me and my youngest didnt start to get along until adulthood. Mostly a jealousy issue I think.

Honestly the thought of having 2 kids 1-2 years apart terrifies me I think it would be much harder since both would need almost constant attention. Plus I honestly wanted to be sure that I could bfeed as long as possible sometimes the milk dries up in pg and that would be that much milk that the first child would loose. I would say that I would definatly try tandem nursing but I just dont know if that would have worked for me or not. We are done having kids but if I had chose to have anouther it would have been at least 4-5 year difference in their ages to.

 
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Old 01-09-2006, 04:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by teachma
And actually, in my area, the 18 month to 2 year spread is so common because moms are first starting to have kids in their late thirties and don't have "the luxury of time," as one mom told me. I, however, did have that "luxury," and my children are 3 years and 7 months apart. It has been PERFECT for us for lots of reasons. My kids are now 21 months and almost 5.5 years old, and they are the very best of friends. Ds loves, loves, loves his little sister and the admiration is completely reciprocated. I won't bore anyone with particular details of their lovey-dovey sibling relationship, but it's great.


Also, the huge increase in infertility plays into it...we WANT a 4 yr spacing...BUT, it took us FOUR years to get preggo with our first....so we are really torn..do we start trying NOW(dd is 16 months)...and IF we get preggo really soon, there will only be a 2 1/4 year spacing..or wait 2 more years, until dd is 3 yrs, trying for that 4 yr gap, and then *possibly* have it take another 4 years..(or more)..or maybe try at some point in between..?? .so that the spacing is possibly 8 years +...and then risk being so old that we can't have anymore? dh is already 40... and i would like 4 kids....but if it's gonna take us 4 years each time...you can see how the math doesn't work out..

uugghh...it's just so complicated!

**looking back with frustration and amusement at all the wasted time, effort and money to use BC in college, convinced that if I failed to use BC even once, I would get preggo and therefore my life/future would be over.....surely the universe is laughing it's arse off about that one...**

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Old 01-11-2006, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our first cycle has started and I am excited!!

Many thanks for the feedback, it's been very helpful indeed.
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