She is 17 months. When Dh comes home usually I'm making dinner with one hand, Dd is in my other arm, often hanging by a nipple. Dh calls her Tiny Tim!
Well I have a bad back that isn't getting better; every time I go to the DO, all my adjustments have pulled back out. And yesterday we were in a minor car accident in which my chest got hit against the carseat (caution to carseat-nursers). So now when I pick Dd up in the way that protects my back (I basically tighten my whole chest), my chest kills me.
So today she signed that she wanted some stuffed animals in the bed before she would nap. I said OK, lets get out of bed and get some animals. She rolled out of bed but stopped at the bedroom door, like there was a forcefield. She extended her arms and cried piteously. This has happened before and I've picked her up (before she's gotten to this stage of crying), but with this new chest injury I really feel like to heal, I have to give it some rest.
I told Dd that I know she wants to be carried but wouldn't it be fun to go get the animals herself? You can walk wherever you want, get whoever you want, etc.
She begrudgingly walked toward me, reached up, pointed to the desired animal. By then she was so close to it, I encouraged her along. She grabbed it, moved pretty quickly back to the bedroom, climbed up back into bed, nursed to sleep with the animal at her feet.
I have always felt that when Dd was ready, she would not ask to be carried so much. But I did not expect a rather serious back problem to intervene. Am I terrible for making her do it herself?
I think there are times I just cannot pick her up as much as she would like (all day, every day). How can gently encourage Dd to explore her abilities?
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
After a long love affair with walking, my DS went through a wanting to be carried everywhere phase (mainly when we were out and about). After a month or so, I was starting to get rather tired of it... I simply encouraged him not unlike you did with your DD and after a couple of weeks he stopped asking to be carried so often. It was literally a load off!
Now, he walks along with me just about everywhere and enjoys himself very much. He stills asks to be carried once and a while and I'm great with that, I just scoop him right up because usually it's been so long, that I actually miss us snuggling up and walking along!
Best of luck and I do hope your back is feeling better soon.
|Originally posted by Cindi
If you are a martyr and sacrifice your health for your baby, you are also being a role model for over-sacrifice. When I looked at things this way, that how I take care of myself is part of my teaching, I really had to re-evaluate all the sacrificing I do for ds.
Curious, sounds to me like she did just fine. She knows you love her more than anything and you were standing there supporting her. I think you did great!
I also agree with what Cindi said.
Have you explained simply to dd that you have owies, and that carrying her makes them worse? Information is always good for them.
Yesterday Dd wanted me to carry her to her dining table, and I sat in one of the chairs and called her to stroll over and join me. She cried, and Dh, who is not accustomed (any more than I am) to hearing her cry, picked her up and carried her to me (all of 4 feet).
He has been encouraging me for weeks to spare my back, but the crying is so hard to take, we're both finding it hard to go from the appropriate response to a more helpless infant, to letting a more mature child speak her mind. Which at this age, comes as a cry.
I told him that thee time had arrived for Dd to start seeing that one person can do what's right for them, even if someone else doesn't like it. Especially if a courteous explanation is given. I told him that this is the start of an important lesson for a girl, and will be handy when she is older and in dating situations.
Mom says "I'd rather not carry you but please join me at the table," and that can become "I'd rather not go back to your room and drink a bottle of wine, but please join my friends and me for pizza." Whole grain, organic pizza, of course!
My mom seriously injured her back when my little brother was 2-1/2 and still enjoyed being carried a lot. Suddenly, not only was she unable to lift him AT ALL, but she was spending several hours a day in traction! He was very upset, but he adjusted after only a week or so. I also had to adjust to not having so many things done for me. It helped that mom maintained a very friendly, non-rejecting attitude, so that we felt she was happy to have us around but just couldn't do certain things. She would ask us to do things for her and make a big happy fuss over how pleased she was and how grown-up we were to be able to do that, so we felt helpful rather than deprived. It also helped to have daddy spending a little time carrying us and "doing tricks" when he got home.
Good luck with your injuries!
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 10 years old and a girl EnviroBaby 1 year old!
I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more.
Yesterday we had a little upset when I encouraged her to walk to the kitchen, "walk where you want to go and I'll follow you," I said. She cried the whole way...but today she signed for water and immediately started walking toward the kitchen. Got her water with nothing but a smile.
Progress! Thanks again for the support.
How exactly did you approach this with your Ds? Dd has accepted that she will walk to the kitchen for water, but hasn't relinquished much other holding opportunties without unhappiness. I am less predictable that I will definetly carry her when she raises her arms or cries. I suggest options, I bed down to be with her, I walk to her table and chair set so she can walk to me and I'll be down with her instead of high up (she loves seeing what I'm doing).
Other times I carry her just as before. I'm trying to pace myself and judge how much she really needs the carrying. Like if she wants a toy that's a few steps away, I encourage her to walk. But if she's seeming just in need of contact, I carry her.
All I've noticed is that she seems to have converted one means of getting into my arms to another - she wants to nurse almost constantly.