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Old 01-28-2003, 10:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i had to laugh at myself today - i have a college student come over once a week and watch dd while i get some things done around the house and on the computer. since the weather was nice, they went for a walk. i swear, i cannot go more than 45 min. to 1 hr. w/out seeing dd, or i feel myself starting to twitch emotionally.... i start wondering, "where are they? is she ok? is she happy? should i have given them my cell phone in case something is wrong?, etc...." i've read so much about about attachment parenting, and i'm the one who feels insecure at being away from her!!! she seems to handle it fine! no crying, not even a second glance back - just off on a little adventure! i don't know how moms who work outside the house do it! no disrespect intended. i understand many moms need to work, i just don't think i could do it! i'd be a basket case!!! i was so happy to see them walk up the driveway! i think i must be pretty neurotic.... anyway, just had to share with someone who wouldn't think i was entirely crazy.... thanks for listening!
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Old 01-29-2003, 02:59 AM
 
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I know what you mean! My DD is 6 mo and I've only left her for max 30 min in the last few months (longest ever was about 2 hours when she was much younger: DH took her for a walk in the sling and in those days she slept the whole time in her sling so I knew she wouldn't need to nurse until they got back).

ANYways...lol...I have left DD only a handful of times and I'm always missing her like crazy when I get back, clutching my cell phone the whole time, etc. I, too, wonder how working moms do it. I can't decide if my "attachment" is "what nature intended" or my own neurosis (my mother would be firmly in the second camp!)

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Old 01-29-2003, 01:43 PM
 
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I hear you too.
DS is almost 18 months and I have left him three times Once to get a tooth pulled, once to take my girls to The Nutcracker and when we had to go to dh's holiday dinner party. Oh wait once dh took him to the store with him while I was running sound for the ballet recital he spent the rest of the time in the sound booth with me. My sister accuses me of letting him run my life. She doesn't understand that I am the one who worries about him. It is not much fun for me to leave him if I spend the whole time worrying.

I enjoy my time with him, I know from experience it will be all too soon when I won't be the center of his universe anymore. I might as well soak it up while I can.

take care,

Stephany
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Old 01-29-2003, 02:06 PM
 
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I am exactly the same way.

I have never left her for longer than 1 1/2 hours and that is just to go on my walk ( I speed walk 4-5 miles a day). That only occurs about once a week, since most of the time, I HAVE to take her with me, dh is at work.

I have only left her with dh,no one else.

On Tuesday morning I go to a church study at my church. There is babysitting downstairs by the leader's daughter, but I always take dd with me into the study. She is fine, sits on the floor and plays and looks at books.

I just know I wouldn't be able to enjoy my church study if I was worrying about dd being downstairs with the childcare. Plus, she is 11 1/2 months old and wouldn't like being separated from me at all.

So, whereever I go, she goes!!

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Old 01-29-2003, 04:03 PM
 
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Me too!!

We went out without our kids (3 and 1) to my dh's holiday party, just for a few hours. (He had to show face to pick up his bonus.)My mil and sil came to stay with them at our house. The whoooole time we were gone, I was distracted and edgy...I was so happy to go home, I bounded up the steps to my house and it just felt so right again to be where I belong!
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Old 01-29-2003, 04:49 PM
 
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I am now working part time and it sucks for this reason alone. If my Mom is watching ds, I call home. If he's at sister's, I call there. I work 20 hours a week. You'd think I'd learn to deal...but this is torture for me. To the point where dh sees how pained I am, and we are planning a major downsizing in order for me to be at home full time again soon.
I also hate having weaned him...it's sad.
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:31 PM
 
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Its so cool isn't it? It reinforces what Dr. Sears says about AP being just as important for the mom & dad as it is for the baby because YOU feel connected and more in love with your baby.

"We shape the clay into a pot but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want" Lao Tzu
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:51 PM
 
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UmmNuh~

Good for you for finding a better way, with down-sizing and all! We did that, too, in order for me to be home! I promise it gets easier!

I just wanted to tell you, if you regret weaning, there are ways to go back to nursing if that is what you want to do. It's up to you if you'd want to try. Do you have an LLL Leader you could call?

Best wishes!
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Old 02-01-2003, 12:11 AM
 
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I work like 6 hours a week for a family member. Usually I am doing housecleaning for her and I take the baby with me. There have been 4 times so far when my MIL (who I trust more than even my husband) watched her so I could do horse chores for this family mamber. Its great for about an hour, then all I want to do is go home and hold her. I nurse her 1st thing when I walk in the door and it just soothes both of us like nothing else! I too cannot see working outside my home without my baby, especially full time. There's no way that I could handle that. Sometimes I think I need her even more than she needs me!

Holly
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Old 02-01-2003, 04:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Juelie's Mom
Sometimes I think I need her even more than she needs me!

You know, when I mention that I don't want to leave my baby for long periods of time, my mother (and a few others) have said that the baby would do just fine and that it is ME who "isn't ready to leave her". They say this like it is a BAD thing. You won't convince me that my baby would be better off with someone who doesn't know exactly how to comfort her, get her to sleep (let alone nurse her) but...even if it were true, is it so bad that it is ME who needs to be with her?

I think this says something (not so good) about our society when a mother is made to feel guilty about wanting to be with her baby constantly.Rather than being treated like a "good mother", I feel I'm being treated like a clingy hormone-laden silly woman. The more I learn about stuff like this, the more I realise that motherhood (and our society's attitude towards it) really are feminist issues.

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Old 02-01-2003, 06:29 PM
 
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I get 6 hours a week (3 hours, 2 days) of babysitting by the woman who was my birth and postpartum doula. I use it to do errands, go to the gym, use the computer, etc. The other day, I realized all I was doing was looking at pictures of Camille on our family website--and she was right upstairs! hee hee.
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Old 02-02-2003, 12:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Piglet68



You know, when I mention that I don't want to leave my baby for long periods of time, my mother (and a few others) have said that the baby would do just fine and that it is ME who "isn't ready to leave her". They say this like it is a BAD thing. You won't convince me that my baby would be better off with someone who doesn't know exactly how to comfort her, get her to sleep (let alone nurse her) but...even if it were true, is it so bad that it is ME who needs to be with her?

I think this says something (not so good) about our society when a mother is made to feel guilty about wanting to be with her baby constantly.Rather than being treated like a "good mother", I feel I'm being treated like a clingy hormone-laden silly woman. The more I learn about stuff like this, the more I realise that motherhood (and our society's attitude towards it) really are feminist issues.
Amen!!! Like we are not supposed to NEED our babies. Like I am some sorta weirdo cause all I wanna do is be with them!!! I work outside the home full time and CANNOT WILL NOT leave any more than I absolutley have to. I need them so so much.
We are not weird. We are in love
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Old 02-02-2003, 07:56 PM
 
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I have read that babies NEED their mothers because when they are born their respiretory and neurological systems aren't yet mature.
They need the closeness to mother to regulate those systems, and mother is best because while they were in the womb, their bodies were regulated to their mothers' breathing, heat beat, neural impulses, etc. When they are outside, they still need that closeness to regulate those sytems.

Of course, if mother isn't available, or in the case of adoption another caregive can provide that, but if possible it should be mother (just as if breastfeeding is impossible, fomula can provide the necessary nutrients, but breastfeeding is definitely preferable).

I think mothers may sense that about their babies and that is why we crave closeness too them. We know that they need our bodies to regulate theirs (if that makes sense).

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