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#1 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, Lord. I am really at a loss.
My DS, who is 8 1/2 months old, has been sick all month. Cough, runny nose, eyes stuck together.... now, on Monday, I finally took him in, and he has an ear infection. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in two or three months, and HE WON'T STOP CRYING!!! Morning, noon, and night, he cries. I know he's sick, but my God!, I can't take it anymore!!!! I have to put him in his crib and let him scream and scream because I'm afraid I'm gonna totally lose it on him! To top it off, I have a three year old who has been viciously competing for my attention because DS consumes every waking minute of every waking day. Last night, I totally SNAPPED. I opened the fridge, which is so overstuffed 'cuz it hasn't been cleaned out in weeks, and a shelf of stuff collapsed. Well, I started whipping out old crap and just throwing it - literally throwing it - into the trash, some against the walls - then I ran into my room bawling hysterically, slamming the door as hard as I could. I even screamed at my 8 1/2 month old to shut up! My poor three year old was a nervous, whiny wreck for the rest of the night....
My DH has been supportive, but he can only do so much. I try to get out once in a while, like to sit quietly at the library for a few hours or something.... but nothing is helping. I'm at a loss, and I feel like I'm gonna snap again... and the guilt for all these horribly unmotherly feelings is just too much for me to bear!
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#2 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 11:12 AM
 
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Don't be too hard on yourself! There is light at the end of the tunnell. What are you doing for the ear infection? I know not everyone agrees, but I would be giving pain medication to ease the pain and cut down on the crying.

Try not to worry about accomplishing anything. Lay a blanket on the floor and lay down with your babies. Rent videos that are appropriate and run them all day if you have to. Consider this "emergency mode" and let yourself do some "lazy" parenting. It is an appropriate time for that.

Remember that it isn't your job to make your baby stop crying. Only to listen and empathize. It is okay for him to cry if he feels miserable. That is an appropriate response on his part. Yes, of course try to comfort him. But if you can't, then try to resign yourself to just listening. It used to help me some to tell my son to cry -- I'd say things like, "Go ahead and scream. Get out all your frustration. Tell me all about it. I'm listening."

My ds has asthma, chronic ear infections, and repeated severe respiratory infections. It is HELL. Absolute hell. Do you have a sling? My ds spent a lot of sick days in the sling because he was able to sleep more easily in an upright position. Even now -- at 2 and 1/2 and 35 pounds, I will sling him if he is sick and unable to rest.

Good luck to you. Keep posting. Remember that your responses are only human -- we all "loose" it and it is important to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes mommies throw fits too, becaue our needs don't get met and we don't know what else to do.
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#3 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 11:13 AM
 
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Can you get a friend to come over and help? Maybe hire a sitter for a few hours so you can sleep?

To have a child sick for a month is a very difficult thing and you are just running out of steam.

I would try to
a) get a friend or relative to come over and help you
b) see if your 3 year old can go visit a friend's house for a few hours so he/she gets some time to just be
c) Try to take care of yourself...it's hard, but if you can sneak in a nice cuppa tea or something, that might help you a little.

I don't know if this will help, but I wanted to offer something for you!
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#4 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 12:14 PM
 
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((((HUGS)))))))I have been there ds had reflux when he was a newborn and the screaming was constant. If he was awake he was screaming. It was awful.
First of all don't feel guilty. You are only human and there is a limit to what one person can handle.

I agree that your only focus should be the kiddos; housework will wait. That has been a very hard lesson for me to learn. I have all these unrealistic expectations and when life doesn't measure up to them, I get stressed. You have to let go and relax.

TThe tv is a good idea but if you don't like that, try curling up on the couch with the kiddos lighting some candles and playing soft music in your home, it soothes me and sometimes it distracted the baby for awhile. Try teaching your three-year-old some deep breathing exercises. I think that kids feed on your emotions. I know when I created an atmosphere of calm and relaxation for myself the baby would calm down some too.

Slinging is a great idea also, I think calling in reinforcements is a wonderful idea too.

Stephany
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#5 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 02:42 PM
 
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How is your day going Candiland?
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#6 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 06:56 PM
 
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Candiland:
HUGS!!!!!!
You are going to get through this. Just the fact that you reached out here to us for support means you are okay! Put the kids in the car, drive around if it will keep the little guy quite for a while. Or better yet, have DH take them out in the car and you can either sleep or clean up all the the things that would help your life if they were cleaned up. (like the fridge). I agree with being in emergecy parenting mode right now.

Maybe you can appologize to your 3 year old and tell her you were having a really hard time.
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#7 of 11 Old 01-29-2003, 10:27 PM
 
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oh, candiland! Hang in there. It is so awful when they are sick.

Dh can do alot. Get his help. Tell him you are losing it. Get him to put in lots of overtime on the daddy clock.
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#8 of 11 Old 01-30-2003, 12:10 AM
 
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I understand right where you are at. We just went through the flu and cold with both kids and myself being pregnant. It has taken us a month to get back on our feet. Honestly, I will pray for you. I do hope you can lean harder on your family and friends and husband. You need an extra set of hands to give you a break. Sleepless nights can make you go crazy. Take extra B vitamins to help you with your stress less. Sublingual B vitamins may give you an extra lift during this stressful time. I think all of us moms can understand exactly where you are at!!
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#9 of 11 Old 01-30-2003, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Aww, thank you everyone
I lost it again yesterday, not long after I posted my first message. Then I looked back on the board... and noticed responses! I laid out a blanket, popped in "Peter Pan", and stayed on the floor with my two babes for the rest of the morning! Granted, they were crawling all over me and beating the crap out of me and screaming, but, hey, I was feeling sick and run down, and I wasn't moving for anything!
I called DH at work and asked if he could come home early, and he did. He took the kids and entertained them and I slept - GASP!! - about four solid hours in my bed! When I woke up, I felt like a COMPLETELY different human being. I hardly recognized myself
I realized that I was freaking out because I have been missing sooo much sleep this month, with DS being sick and all.
Thanks so much, many, many hugs to you kind women. I don't know how I'd do it without MDC!
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#10 of 11 Old 01-30-2003, 04:14 PM
 
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Candiland,
I'm glad you got some rest and are feeling a little better. Hopefully in a few days everything will be back to normal. Take care!
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#11 of 11 Old 01-30-2003, 04:57 PM
 
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Isn't it amazing what some sleep can do? I am happy that you got some much needed rest and yeah for your dh that he gave you the help you needed. I hope that your ds#2 feels better soon and that things get a little easier. ((Hugs))
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