Oh, Lord. I am really at a loss.
My DS, who is 8 1/2 months old, has been sick all month. Cough, runny nose, eyes stuck together.... now, on Monday, I finally took him in, and he has an ear infection. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in two or three months, and HE WON'T STOP CRYING!!! Morning, noon, and night, he cries. I know he's sick, but my God!, I can't take it anymore!!!! I have to put him in his crib and let him scream and scream because I'm afraid I'm gonna totally lose it on him! To top it off, I have a three year old who has been viciously competing for my attention because DS consumes every waking minute of every waking day. Last night, I totally SNAPPED. I opened the fridge, which is so overstuffed 'cuz it hasn't been cleaned out in weeks, and a shelf of stuff collapsed. Well, I started whipping out old crap and just throwing it - literally throwing it - into the trash, some against the walls - then I ran into my room bawling hysterically, slamming the door as hard as I could. I even screamed at my 8 1/2 month old to shut up!
My poor three year old was a nervous, whiny wreck for the rest of the night....
My DH has been supportive, but he can only do so much. I try to get out once in a while, like to sit quietly at the library for a few hours or something.... but nothing is helping. I'm at a loss, and I feel like I'm gonna snap again... and the guilt for all these horribly unmotherly feelings is just too much for me to bear!