A good way to shut people up when they criticize your AP methods - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-30-2003, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally figured out an effective method of getting my point across when people give me anti-AP advice. Last weekend my SIL came to visit from out of state to meet her nephew - our 3 month old. Almost the whole weekend she confided in me with accounts of how her parents were so aloof & unloving to her and my husband, how they never took an interest in her interests, etc. I spoke with her last night and she was telling us how much she enjoyed the visit blah blah blah, but threw in a comment, "You sure give Luke a lot of attention - he's going to expect that when he gets older, you know." So I said, "well, we don't want him to grow up and feel unloved and unsupported the way that you guys did." SHUT HER RIGHT UP!!!! I realized that most people I know have feelings that their parents were distant since most people were parented with mainstream methods - yet at the same time they feel the appropriate way to parent is to give your children minimal attention. Proof that people don't empathize with babies, they seem them as objects, not human like themselves. I realized though, if you just bring the point back to them, and the way they were parented - you can drive the point home very effectively!

"We shape the clay into a pot but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want" Lao Tzu
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:41 PM
 
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yep. whenever people start to talk about spanking, i just say quietly, "well, my parents hit us, and i hated them for years, totally cut them out of my life for 3+ years, and still wouldn't trust them with my feelings, and i want a better relationship than that with shoshanna."
there's not much they can say to that.
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Old 01-31-2003, 10:33 PM
 
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I get crap from my mother all the time. My fault, I should learn not to tell her things.
I tell her, You parented your way I will parent mine. They're my kids.
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Old 02-01-2003, 04:36 AM
 
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Lots of times, people remark that our child has such a happy disposition, eagnerness to learn, and overall independence. Commonly, they go on to eventually criticize my parenting approach, "Still nursing?" "When will he sleep by himself?" My retort is usually something like, "How could you possibly question my style of parenting after saying I had the best kid ever???? It obviously works for him; why would I tamper with proven success?" People can be sooo idiotic!
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