Toilet training ... - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Was your child's training child-led or parent-led?
Parent-led before 2 7 8.97%
Parent-led after 2 11 14.10%
Child-led before 2 14 17.95%
Child-led at 2 27 34.62%
Child-led at 3 17 21.79%
Child-led at 4 or later 2 2.56%
Voters: 78. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 07:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So here's the question: Did you do it at 2? At 3? 4?

Was it child-led or parent-led? Meaning, did you decide when they would "train," or did you, like Dr. T. B. Brazleton suggests, wait until they were ready and let them do it in their own good time?

And was it "traumatic," meaning did they go through all sorts of "poop power" stuff, holding it in for days?

In case you couldn't figure it out, it's ... a major issue at this moment for us. DS#1 is finally deciding he's ready to poop in the toilet (he's 5) ... child-led ... and DD is holding in her poops and having constipation issues (she's 3), so since she's going through this all anyway, we're finally leading her to the toilet.

And as a side-note, we have a not-yet-1 baby, too. Poop & diapers are the overwhelming theme of my life at this moment.

Well, beats thinkin' 'bout the war ...



- Amy
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#2 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 09:56 AM
 
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Well with my oldest DD we tried to potty train(I hate that saying)her starting at 2. About 8 weeks into it I realized we were going no where.So I stopped,right after she turned 3 she was in preschool 5 days a week,saw the other kids going and decided it looked like fun. She hasn't had an accident since. So with my youngest DD I'm letting her decide. She'll be 3 in April and will start preschool in the fall-so we'll see what happens.
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#3 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 10:12 AM
 
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I tried 'encouraging' her at 18 mts, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Then, at about 2.5 yrs, she asked for the potty to come out. On her third bday, she announced no more night diapers, and that was it.

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#4 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 10:19 AM
 
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The whole "potty training" thing went very smoothly for us. I voted Parent lead before two but I didn't push my ds at all. Starting about 2 months before he turned two I got him a potty chair and every time I went in to us the toilet I asked him if he wanted to us his potty, no presure, just asked once and that was it. He said no for months. One day right after he turned two he said yes, peed in the potty, was so proud of himself and never wore a diaper again. He even refused to wear a diaper to bed that night and woke up dry. I realize that this was not typical and how lucky I am.
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#5 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 10:27 AM
 
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Dh and I had a toilet training conversation this morning. Ds#1 will be 3 in April and he has no interest in using the toilet. He has a one year old baby brother, so I am not sure how that factors in. He will talk like a baby sometimes and motion to be picked up without using his words. Hmmmm....

He also holds his poop and he becomes irritable and hard to be around. It makes me sad for him and I worry about his health, as we have never made a big deal about his poops or using the toilet. I often wonder what I should do. I showed him some of his " cool" underwear yesterday and he says he just wants to hold them and not wear them .

I often wonder if he is embarrassed by the smell/act the pooping process, as he is a very sensitive and aware child and this somehow is coming into play. We never make a big deal out of it all, so I am so confused.

I am trying to keep this a child led process, but ds eats a lot of fruits, veggies, and fiber and his poops are soft and very messy to clean.

I don't know, amyrpk, but I am in the same boat. I posted in another thread that I resorted to perscription strength laxatives because he'll hold his poops for a week.
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#6 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 02:05 PM
 
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My daughter went through this immense leap of maturity right after she turned 2. At the time, my son was 2 months old so we were kind of babying her and not really expecting much of her milestone-wise for a while, but she really took off then.

In one week she weaned, toilet trained, and growth-spurted. It sounds traumatic but we let her take the lead and she didn't have any trouble with it. We had none of the usual toilet training issues (no holding it in, no refusing the toilet, no wanting diapers back, only 2 accidents all week long). She told me she wanted to try the potty one morning and she peed, so we let her run around naked for the day until she got the idea. By the end of the week, she was telling us when she needed to go to the bathroom and even doing so in public.

I had a couple of people tell me it was too early and it wouldn't keep working. I think that we do our kids a disservice when we disbelieve in their abilities like that. I mean, she was saying she wanted to use the toilet and not use her diapers, it was not traumatic, and she was able to inform me when she needed to go and wait to get to the bathroom. She was ready. I think that if I had missed that cue and kept her in diapers, as some people were suggesting, we might have missed a window of opportunity before she got used to having the ability to pee in the toilet but going in her diapers anyway...and it might have taken a long time to toilet train.

Anyway, just my thoughts. It could also be genetic, since I was all set a little after 2 and my husband was trained by 9 months (well, reliably ECed more like, but they didn't worry about it anymore at 9 months they tell me).

Still, I think it is important to believe in our kids' ability to do this more or less on their own; but on their own the way they put on clothes on their own...they need a little help sometimes, you know? I also think we need to not play mind-games with them and get good vs bad, dirty vs clean, or anything like that mixed up in it.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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#7 of 33 Old 02-07-2003, 06:32 PM
 
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The summer my dd was 2 1/2, I "taught" her how to use the potty, and we did some practicing both in and out of the house, but I didn't make an issue of it. And then she started preschool, and she really wasn't trained, so I kept her in diapers and took a break. Two months later she simply said she didn't want to wear a diaper anymore, and it took about two days of staying home naked, and poof, that was it. Easy as anything!

I really believe that when the child makes the decision for herself, it is much easier!
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#8 of 33 Old 02-08-2003, 01:33 AM
 
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My son was around 18 months old when he expressed interest, and he actually used a little potty pretty regularly for about 2 weeks at that time. Then, he totally refused to use it for about 6 months!!! I just ignored the whole thing; the "lazy" part of me wasn't really into doing the whole potty-learning thing, anyway. Then at the time of his 2nd birthday, I reintroduced the idea to him and he was interested. He now poops in the potty regularly on the 3 days per weeks that he is home with us. At his child care, he will have nothing to do with a potty. He likes to wear pull-ups, not underwear, and still has a hard time controlling his bladder. He is simply not ready yet- he still pees every 30 minutes!! So, we're just going slow with it, totally child-led, and he's 2.5 years old. I figure he'll get it eventually.
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#9 of 33 Old 02-08-2003, 02:14 PM
 
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My DD has expressed an interest since 19 months and has sat on the toliet but has no interest in learning.
She comments on us. We read potty books and figure she will let us know when she is ready.
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#10 of 33 Old 02-12-2003, 11:26 AM
 
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I read this a little sad. Ds#3 just competely toilet trained, no diapers, no heavy cotton training pants nothing, at night or during the day. No more cute little smoochable bottoms.

Anyway, in our house it was always child led, it seemed to be about 3 yrs - 3 1/2 yrs. Ds#2 trained early 2 1/2 yrs because of ds#1. Ds#3 is 3 1/2 and completely done.

We never had issues with holding bm's but I have a friend who had a son who held it forever. He was 5 too before he could go on his own. He had started going to a local church playgroup then (he's hs'd) and something about peer pressure.
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#11 of 33 Old 02-12-2003, 05:04 PM
 
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I start training at about 18 months. It ends when it ends. I don't stress over it.
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#12 of 33 Old 02-12-2003, 09:13 PM
 
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I had a hard time picking just one.

Up until he was 2.25 we lived in CA and so at 1.5 our son potty trained himself. Naked during the day 100% he will use the toilet #1 or #2. We moved and that changed everything back to pull ups [stress, etc] until 2.5 when he decided again to be 100% naked and 90% with undies [and 0% with pants, UHG] during the day.

Now he is 2.75 and we have changed strategies because, frankly, I am going back to work part time and do not want to pay extra to someone for diapers. [Long Story, That is the short.] So. We are taking the 100% underwear and pants during the day route. I wash his entire wardrobe every night after he goes to bed. And he wears two or three undies "in public" along with the addition of a paper towel roll to my diaper-change-backpack now turned wardrobe-carrier. : So far so good. We are one week into this, and I am very amazed! 4pm and STILL no accidents? This is his first naptime straight thru too so... who knows?
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#13 of 33 Old 02-12-2003, 09:49 PM
 
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We parent-led dd1 just before she turned 2, but she wasn't interested, so we stopped. A couple of months later she was ready and we were all done, night and day in a couple of days.

Dd2 was child let all the way. She started using the potty at about 18 months, but wasn't reliable until about 23 months. However, she still wets at night, and is not 100% dry for naps.
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#14 of 33 Old 02-13-2003, 11:18 PM
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hmmm. I hope I won't traumatize my dd. She just tunred one and I just bought her a potty.

I figure, she tries to follow me into the bathroom every time I go, so maybe she'll want to pretend, sit on it whatever, even if she's wearing her diaper.

Don't know if it helps her get used to the idea or if it's just frivolous.
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#15 of 33 Old 02-13-2003, 11:47 PM
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Hey, oatmeal, it's working for us (so far!). I got dd, 21 mo, a potty when she turned one, and we talked about it (well, at first, I talked about it to her) for a while when she'd come with me into the bathroom. She'd sit down on it (fully clothed) and pretend to pee. Eventually, she wanted to go for real. We now sit her on it each morning when we get up after nursing, each evening before her bath, and whenever she wants to use it, inbetween. She still wears (and uses) diapers during the day, but she's coming along!
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#16 of 33 Old 02-14-2003, 01:56 AM
 
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My daughter was 2 1/2 when she decided she wanted underwear. That was it. She just stopped wearing diapers and started wearing underwear. After about 3 days she got the hang of using the toilet.

Our son was three and we had a newborn in the house. The older boy discovered that one thing that really got my attention away from the baby was when he wanted to use the toilet or when he had an accident. He figured out urinating in the toilet after about a week, but took a lot longer with bm's. Still, by the time he was 3 1/2, he had it figured out. He is almost five now and still hates wiping himself after a bm. I do it for him, but he is starting to do it for himself sometimes.

Now the baby is two and the other day he was naked and running around and he peed on the floor. He immediately grabbed his penis and ran to the toilet. He really wants to be like the bigger kids. He's about four inches too short to be able to pee into the toilet, so I guess I could haul the potty out for him soon. We both live in hope that he'll be out of diapers within a year!
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#17 of 33 Old 02-14-2003, 01:56 AM
 
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child led before 2
we do ec and what i have learned from this experience is that babies don't like to pee or poop on themselves and they let you know when they have to go.
it is awesome!!!!
you should check it out for baby number three
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#18 of 33 Old 02-14-2003, 01:34 PM
 
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I guess I'd have to say parent-led after 3 (he was almost 3 1/2) but I was pretty certain he was ready when we did it, plus I talked about it to prepare him for literally months beforehand, along with having the potty chair out. Anyway, the experience was unbelieveably easy, especially considering he had developmental 'delays'. The first 2 days he pooped his pants, and the first day 1 pee accident - other than that, complete, over-night success
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#19 of 33 Old 02-14-2003, 03:14 PM
 
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We EC'ed so none of the options applied for us
Laurie


 

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#20 of 33 Old 02-14-2003, 11:16 PM
 
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We also EC'd until dd learned to walk (and we took an out of country trip at the same time). Since then she still uses the potty after waking up, but has shown no interest otherwise. Even tried that Toilet Training in Less Than a Day book with no success except that dd thought it was fun cleaning up after her panties and started to pee on purpose to play the clean up game. She has full control over her functions and has since around 8 mos. old. But she has no interest in using the potty and that's fine. Diapers are paid for (cloth) and we can wait until she's ready. It's not worth the power struggles to me.

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7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#21 of 33 Old 02-16-2003, 12:43 PM
 
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Great thread! Nice to hear all the range of responses. Sounds like the child will know when
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#22 of 33 Old 02-16-2003, 07:30 PM
 
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Well, we're late ECers or, depending on how you look at it, early trainers. 16 mo dd certainly isn't toilet independent (I hold her over the sink or the potty, I take off her clothing, I wipe), but she would definitely rather not wet herself if she can help it.
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#23 of 33 Old 02-16-2003, 08:19 PM
 
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I don't quite fit in to any of the categories.

My ds, at 2.5 decided he wanted to go pee in the potty. So, I let him. He never had an accident and was dry through the night with both from that age on. But during the day, he would not do the other in anything but a diaper.

Right before his third birthday, he decided, just like that, to start going both in the potty. I never pushed, but for six months it was frustrating to me. I couldn't understand how he could do one but not the other.

It was his control, I realize that now. And I'm glad I didn't push him. My mom wanted me to read some book called "Potty Training in a Day," and I just laughed. Like that would ever really work.

Dd, who is an angel child, is being so easy. At 2, she wanted to start trying. We sit her on the toilet and she pretends to go, and then she gets off. I can tell, any day, she's just going to start going for real. But she can decide when to do it. Of course, she's seen ds and four other kids that I watch during the day all learn to go, so in a way, she should know what to do.

It really is fascinating, each child is so different.
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#24 of 33 Old 03-29-2003, 10:43 PM
 
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All four of mine wanted to use it before age 2. I always have an open door policy at my home about the bathroom, and so they were always with me. They began to be curious about using the potty since I use it, so they did!

My youngest ds wanted to be like his Poppy and two older brothers, so he could not wait to use it. He was not even tall enough to use it wen he first tried.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#25 of 33 Old 03-29-2003, 10:51 PM
 
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Two and a half months before my daughter turned 4, I initiated parent-led potty training. It wasn't really of any concern to her. It's now a little over 3 months later and we have no accidents and she is asking to not wear a pull-up at night (we still use these for nap time and bed time). On the other hand, my youngest will be 2 in September and I'm hoping to have her trained before then because she already loves to sit on the potty and hates having a wet diaper. I won't push though if she's not ready. But, I personally felt that 4 was old enough to be out of diapers. (For me, not necessarily for her, my doctor said first-born children, especially girls sometimes aren't ready until 4.5 - 5.)

Peace.
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#26 of 33 Old 03-29-2003, 11:17 PM
 
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Wow. Here is where my "sort of AP, sort of not" personality comes in. We only used disposables, which keep a child very comfortable (at least ours were in the expensive brand we used). We did however feel that it was important that they decide on their own when they were ready to use the potty. I guess because of the disposables, I never found diapers to be any issue at all. They were very easy on us, easier really than kids who used the potty at an early age because we didn't have to worry about them "holding it" until we could find a restroom when we went out. So.... neither DD was interested until they were about 3 1/2. And then one day, both announced that they were going to use the potty, did so completely by themselves (did not want any help) and never had an accident.
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#27 of 33 Old 03-30-2003, 12:38 PM
 
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He turned 3 last week. I've had him in Disposable Pull-Ups for 3 months, trying to encourage him to go.

He'd go sometimes, but learned "hey, these are just diapers I can pee in!!!" and stopped peeing on the potty. Very frustrating for me (having the expectation that he should go.)

Last week, my babysitter was with him the whole day. She's been telling me that it's my fault. I have to be "more on top of it", i.e., following him, encouraging him after he drinks something and asking him 15 minutes later if he wants to go.

I was gone a whole day and she had him in UNDERWEAR. He was going to the pee the whole day. I continued it for 2 days and it worked! He now announces he has to pee and we go to the bathroom. He had 1 carpet/pee accident (he didn't like it) and another accident (too busy playing with friends he forgot to pee) and those help.

I can't believe it... but it simply the switch to UNDERWEAR that did it. He's been very eager to wear them. I was reluctant because I didn't think it would last long.

POOPING
He pooped once in the potty, but always goes to hide and poop in his diaper (now underwear)... he runs upstairs to his room, hides behind the curtains, or in the living room, hides behind the couch. People instinctively need privacy to relax their sphincter muscles.

A friend of ours (same age) pees in the potty, but tells her mother that she wants a diaper to poop. Fine by me.

I'm not going to pressure him too much to poop in the potty. I want to avoid the holding in. We're half-way there. I'm happy.

BTW, I have a friend with a 4 yr old boy and a 15 month old girl. The dd has been asking to "pee" and she sits in the potty! 5 out of 7 mornings, she'll actually pee in it. I guess seeing other people do it (and actually having a potty she can sit on) is a great motivator.

10 - boy
5.5 - girl
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#28 of 33 Old 03-31-2003, 12:45 PM
 
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i voted 'b4 2' b/c aidan initiated peeing in the toilet around 18mnths .

he was fulltime in underpants by 25mnths.

all i did as far as encouragement was told him i didnt want him to pee on the floor. (the child was usually naked bc he hates clothes, lol) i told him he could pee outside or in the tiolet or have a diaper. he never chose a diaper.

b4 i knew it, he was running to the toilet and peeing next to it b/c he couldnt reach the toilet. it was then that we made a step stool a permanent fixture next to the toilet.
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#29 of 33 Old 03-31-2003, 12:59 PM
 
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Ds was in daycare and was toilet trained before 2. He got a bad teacher when he was 2 and before I figured it out and pulled him, he regressed a little, but as soon as I got her fired he was back to no accidents.

With the girls I am ec'ing so I vote child-led before two (if that was an option). I thought it was crazy before I started, but now I think it is super smart.
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#30 of 33 Old 03-31-2003, 01:23 PM
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My ds will be 3 in May. I got him a potty about a year ago. He will pee in it reliably IF he doesn't have a diaper on. He pood in it once about a month ago. I think we just lucked out and he had to poo during bare bum time. He seemed pretty surprised and he usually hides when he has to poo (but he always lets me know by calling "Go away, Mum!" from his hiding place). I bought him some Bob the Builder underwear last month and I was all set to go for it. I normally do not buy anything linked to a TV show but I figured this was one time I'd use it for my own gains. Anyway, he loves them but says, "Underwears are for big boys, Mummy, I a little boy." (he didn't get this from us) So I didn't push it any further. I asked the other day if he wanted to wear them and he said, "Not quite!" Now that it's getting warmer (although it's snowing right now! EEK!) we'll do more bare bum time and hopefully he'll come around to the underwear. We're taking swimming lessons with a boy who is 6 months older and toilet trained so I'm thinking there might be some positive peer pressure there since I think he considers Andrew a little boy, too.
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