Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
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I'm really glad you posted this thread. I have written and rewritten my answer b/c the more I think about it the more complex I discover it is. I mean, it's natural when mothers get together that you are going to say what your little one is up to. As mothers we understand how totally exciting it is when your little one grasps an object, or utters their first consonant sound. THAT is what we are sharing with each other, yet somehow it comes out as competitive, because I suppose the natural response is to say whether or not YOUR little baby is doing the same thing or did that at the same age.
And I think each one of us has some selfconciousness about our parenting choices. Gawd, it's like religion or something! You do what you feel is best for your baby, which seems by inference to suggest that anyone who does differently is doing "less". I'm sure that for every cosleeping mama who is desperate to defend their choice, there is a formula feeding mom who also feels that need. We are all trying to validate our choices to others, not because we doubt them ourselves, but perhaps to avoid this notion of "if I do X because it is what I think is best, then obviously I think what you do, Y, is not the best".
I know when DD got sick last week with her first cold that I actually felt like I could no longer "brag" that my 100% breastfed baby had "never had a sick day in her life". It was like I'd let down the cause of BFing. Yet I'm betting that a FF mom who's baby gets sick is probably feeling somewhere in the back of her mind like SHE's just "proven" that formula is inferior. KWIM?
I'm betting, Friendlymama, that your sister feels exactly the same way you do. It would be only human to do so. Deep down we all know that your DD not sleeping thru has not as much to do with cosleeping as it does with her own innate rhythm, b/c my baby sleeps awesome and we've coslept from day one. I also know moms who have tried to sleep train and failed. She's probably dreading every sniffle from her formula fed baby thinking you're going "aha" inside. I bet if you asked her, and she was really honest with you, you'd find out you both feel that sense of competitiveness and yet neither one of you intends it...ya know?
Okay, I"ve rambled enough. I hope some of this makes sense!!
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Mama to DD14 and DS12, both born on MDC.