dealing w/IL's yelling/fighting - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-14-2003, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
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My IL's are very large and passionate family. With that they frequently fight. Sometimes its really loud. When i bring my ds over to visit or have dinner i worry about ds hearing all that fighting and yelling.
When they do fight i usually take my son away from the room and speak real softly to him, but i'm afraid that he may internalize the fighting to think they are yelling at him. At one point my FIL was yelling at my SIL while she was holding my ds! AHHHH

If i only take my ds there once a week, should i be worried about the effects of fighting/yelling on ds?

if yes, how should i approach my IL about this?
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#2 of 5 Old 02-14-2003, 10:19 PM
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I would think that all the yelling would cause stress for your ds. I would get him out of the room everytime like you are doing.

As for how to talk to them about it, I think this is your dh's responsibility. He needs to tell them to cut the fighting in front of ds. It is possible to be passionate & disagree without yelling.

sorry so brief -nakking
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#3 of 5 Old 02-15-2003, 11:47 AM
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I agree with Laralou--it your DH's responsibility to talk with them.

As far as reacting to thier fighting in your child's presence...if it were me, I would just get up and leave every time it happens. There's no need for a small child to have to listen to that! It can be very scary and traumatic for a child.

My DH's father and step mother are the same way--very loud, fight a lot (in front of their 6 y.o. and anyone else ). We actually walked out on Christmas dinner because of their fighting and that was before DD was born. I just think it's ridiculous and won't tolerate it.
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#4 of 5 Old 02-15-2003, 02:23 PM
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#5 of 5 Old 02-15-2003, 02:30 PM
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If the fighting is upsetting your son, I would simply stop going there until your IL's can learn to control themselves. Yes, your DH should talk to them about this. It's one thing to be "spirited", and I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, but when the atmosphere is tense and upsetting that is not good. I suppose if it were me I would just not go for a while.

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