characteristics of a good mother? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 01:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
artgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 957
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
name the 6 top characteristics you think someone should have to be a good mother.

Here are mine:
love
empathy
patience
humor
creativity
strength


I'm doing a little unscientific research for a project i'm working on.
Thanks!!
artgirl is offline  
#2 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 01:50 PM
 
Anka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 84
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
human
generous
loving
caring
involved
one step ahead
Anka is offline  
#3 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 02:10 PM
 
mommy2cias's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 231
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ability to recognize when she's wrong and apologize for any wrong-doings she has done.

Very good sense of humor!
able to laugh when she wants to scream.
And all of those listed above.

Janice, car seat tech, wife to M since 7/99, mom to C since 4/02 and S since 12/09
mommy2cias is offline  
#4 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 02:13 PM
 
Charles Baudelaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,052
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Basically for me, it comes down to one quality primarily:

A realization that she is not the most important person in the world and the willingness to follow that realization to its logical conclusion.

In short, what your baby needs is far, far more important than what you want.
Charles Baudelaire is offline  
#5 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 03:10 PM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,929
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
responsive

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#6 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 03:15 PM
 
mamaduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Are different qualities desirable in a good father?
mamaduck is offline  
#7 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 03:21 PM
 
bri276's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,050
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd say for a mother or father, it would be to be kind, loving, affectionate, responsive, giving, and unselfish.
but as a sidenote, I hesitate to call anyone who is not abusive or seriously neglectful a "bad" mother. I think most people who truly love their kids are good parents in general, even if they use opposite techniques than I do.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
bri276 is offline  
#8 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 03:49 PM
 
la mamita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the dark side of the moon.
Posts: 2,146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
.

raising my two sunshine children.

la mamita is offline  
#9 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 04:01 PM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
loving
patient
accepting
supportive
interested
interesting
sunnmama is offline  
#10 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 04:07 PM
 
alexsam's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,296
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honest
Nurturing
Stable
Sense of Humor
Thoughtful/Reflective
Advocates for her child(ren)
Patient
alexsam is offline  
#11 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 04:10 PM
 
BabyOsMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,380
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Basically for me, it comes down to one quality primarily:

A realization that she is not the most important person in the world and the willingness to follow that realization to its logical conclusion.

In short, what your baby needs is far, far more important than what you want.
What comes with this, or counters it is the ability to know what she needs for herself to stay a good mother. It's a matter of balance. I'm learning this as I go, but focusing solely on the kids and abandoning myself is not serving any of us. So I guess recognizing wants vs needs in everyone and serving to fulfill those first is the key.
BabyOsMommy is offline  
#12 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 04:17 PM
 
OnTheBrink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 1,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
AVAILABLE!

Also -
flexible
commited
willing to accept help
open-minded
loving
OnTheBrink is offline  
#13 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 05:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
artgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 957
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Are different qualities desirable in a good father?
nope... my project is about mothers though, which is why I phrased it that way.

thanks for all the great responses!



sometimes I get so tired here of being sure to phrase things pc all the time. I never figured this post would be one to draw snarky comments.
artgirl is offline  
#14 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 05:18 PM
 
mamaduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Certainly wasn't meant as snarky, and I would have thought we'd have enough history with each other here that I could ask a question like that.

It is important to me, because I get sick of being held to more stringent parenting standards than fathers do, kwim?
mamaduck is offline  
#15 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 05:31 PM
 
swebster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: North
Posts: 429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anka
human
generous
loving
caring
involved
one step ahead
ok, I'm nitpicking....but this was the first thing I thought of when I read human

http://www.moggies.co.uk/html/scarlett.html
swebster is offline  
#16 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 06:22 PM
 
mamaduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Again, Kelly -- I'm sorry you took my question as a snark. Perhaps since its part of a project (and you did state that) then I should have left it alone. I was treating it as an open disscussion, and I apologize if I screwed up your intent. But I really wasn't meaning to be snarky. Its not something I'm often accused of, and in general when I ask a question -- you can assume that I am genuine.
mamaduck is offline  
#17 of 29 Old 04-03-2006, 09:08 PM
 
blessed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,401
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgirl
sometimes I get so tired here of being sure to phrase things pc all the time. I never figured this post would be one to draw snarky comments.
Snarky.
blessed is offline  
#18 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 04:40 AM
 
Anka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 84
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by swebster
ok, I'm nitpicking....but this was the first thing I thought of when I read human

http://www.moggies.co.uk/html/scarlett.html
feh. I did spend time thinking if I would need to elaborate or if people would understand that the meaning was " realising, and accepting, that even mothers are only humans, not superbeings that never ever makes any misstake."

Though that was one dedicated mother cat.
Anka is offline  
#19 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 08:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
artgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 957
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
mamaduck...
thanks for clarifying. I think I was a little grouchy yesterday.
I did think later... "hmmm... I wonder if she were really wondering if the answers would be different for fathers"

my project is really in SUPPORT of mothers though so I want to hear what kinds of characteristics mothers hope for in themselves.

Like patience.... oh I pray for more patience sometimes. I'm trying to create something that will help mothers obtain, rejuvenate, practice, etc. the characteristics they believe in... which is why I'm asking.

sorry.
artgirl is offline  
#20 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 08:57 AM
 
mamaduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, kelly!

Okay -- this:

Quote:
realising, and accepting, that even mothers are only humans, not superbeings that never ever makes any misstake.
Yes! This has been a big deal for me. I am a perfectionist. I hold myself to high standards. But I'm learning that in order to be accepting of my children and in order to respect their imperfections and humanity, then I have to be those things for myself first. So -- I think good mothers are very
- authentic
- genuine
- accepting
- love themselves and others regardless or even *because* of imperfections
mamaduck is offline  
#21 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 10:54 AM
 
swebster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: North
Posts: 429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anka
feh. I did spend time thinking if I would need to elaborate or if people would understand that the meaning was " realising, and accepting, that even mothers are only humans, not superbeings that never ever makes any misstake."

Though that was one dedicated mother cat.
Hee-hee
I knew that's what you meant, but any chance to plug Scarlet the amazing mama-cat.... I was just a few months pregnant when I first saw the story on some cheesy amazing pet videos show and I was just a blubbering mess. (hormonal, much?)

When I think about this question I think about a story my mom tells. I was just 4 or 5 and decided that the best way to wear my coat was with my legs through the sleeves, zippered up like pants, a belt around my waist and the hood hanging between my legs. no shirt of course, since the coat came up to just under my arms. A real fashionista in the making right? Anyway, the story always ends with my mom saying something along the lines of "Well, she's not me is she?" This really stuck with me and I think that in many ways it continues to influence my parenting style. Even though, of course, children are reflections of their parents... they are not us Even at only 8 months, I look at Bea and marvel at her uniqueness, her absolute personhood. and when it comes time for her to wear her coat like pants to Grammy's fancy restaraunt birthday party I hope I can roll with it, step back and remember that she may be from me, but she is not me...

does this make sense?
swebster is offline  
#22 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 11:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
artgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 957
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thank you! thank you!
This is really helping.
It doesn't matter how many times something has already been mentioned... if it's something you would list... list it again.

That way I can see which characteristics are most *universal*

(I know, this is not very scientific but many mamas listing their ideas are a LOT better than just me making it up in my head)
artgirl is offline  
#23 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 04:49 PM
 
slightly crunchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,363
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
kindness
accepting of shortfalls in self and others, esp. children
honesty
assertiveness/protector instinct
patience
loving
slightly crunchy is offline  
#24 of 29 Old 04-04-2006, 04:58 PM
 
Brigianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: who knows?
Posts: 9,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
  1. Respect--respecting her children as people, not things or extensions of herself
  2. Love
  3. Humility--knowing that she isn't infallible
  4. Sacrifice--being willing to put children's needs ahead of her own
  5. Patience
  6. Acceptance--accepting her children for who they are, accepting that life isn't always in line with her plans
Brigianna is offline  
#25 of 29 Old 04-05-2006, 01:11 PM
 
QueenOfThePride's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: the frigid north
Posts: 4,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, I'll just make my list before I read anyone else's.

1. Patience, patience, and more patience

2. An endless well of love

3. The ability to think critically and independently about issues like vaccines, schooling, healthcare, childcare, etc.

4. You must be bully-proof. Don't let your parents, friends, doctor, etc. make decisions for you and your child.

5. The belief that babies and children are PEOPLE, and should be respected. Know that children have their own mind and their own opinions and their own SELF separate from the parent.

6. The ability to provide life's necessities for your family - food, clothing, etc.

Tis the season, for hot apple cider!
QueenOfThePride is offline  
#26 of 29 Old 04-05-2006, 02:56 PM
 
Momma Aimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in South Texas and ready to go home
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
1. FAITH -- in God
2. FAITH -- in self
3. loving
4. calm, cool, collected, patient
5. fun, think out side the box, sense of humor
6. DEDICATION to the best of the child and family, willing to scrafice


But I am not sure they can be seperated, i think they are all linked

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
Momma Aimee is offline  
#27 of 29 Old 04-05-2006, 05:06 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
love
patience (I work hard at this one)
responsiveness
a sense of humour
generosity (of time and attention, in particular - I work hard on this one, too)
energy - lots and lots of energy (I don't have this most of the time, unfortunately)

um....that's six, but also honesty and humility - we can't lie to our kids, and we have to be able to admit it when we're wrong.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#28 of 29 Old 04-05-2006, 05:08 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Something I missed, and it ranks highly with me: acceptance. We need to accept our kids for who they are, not try to make them something else.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#29 of 29 Old 04-05-2006, 09:06 PM
 
GotKids?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 65
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
selfless
creative
good sense of humor
loving
nurturing
adventurous

GotKids? is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off