I'm supposed to be heading out to the farmer's market with dd, but after reading my emails, I'm so upset I need to post and vent!!
First of all, I live across the oceans from home, but I communicate almost daily with my aunts, whom I'm closer to, becoz I grew up in my grandma's house since I was 1 month old. I'm not close to my mum. Well, when I found out I was pregnant, we dec'd not to have my mum come again like the first time, becoz it caused a lot of stress, and also, I did not want to feign closeness with my mum. In any case, I just wanted to be alone to enjoy my children and not have to worry abt keeping my mum chatted up and busy when all I wanna do is sleep! Also, she wasn't too supportive of bf'ing and in fact, repeatedly told me I probably won't bf for long becoz women in our family tend to have little breastmilk. And she insisted I gave dd water the first week, and when I didn't want to, she dipped her finger into a cup of water and put it into dd's mouth!!!!!!! I've proven her wrong anyway. dd is 21months and STILL nursing!!
Anyway, my family, though they love me, and of coz they love dd too, have a very diff parenting philosophy. Not exactly anti-AP, but they tend to judge and label (for eg, oh, she sleeps thr the night, GOOD baby!!-- things like that). When I went back last year to visit, I had a stressful time with the criticisms of why I am still bf'ing, why dd is not eating much solids, etc etc etc. I was looking forward to being home but then I wanted to come back to dh after 2 days!! Up till now, they still have to haunt me with how she is not big, tall and heavy enough.
ok, so this time, we told them, we prefer no one to come when I give birth, and we will manage. Then one of my aunts said they have a *brilliant* idea to send dd back to Asia for 3 months abt one month before I deliver, so dh and I can be relieved!!!! URFGH!! horrendous!!! I hated the idea, but I just explained we wanted dd to be at the birth, etc and I got a reply saying, "Oh, we were just teasing, and true enough you came back with a long para of reasons, ha ha ha!" Well, I WAS NOT AMUSED!!! I do not have time typing replies all the time! I'm tired of explaining my parenting philosophy!!!
aNYWAY,I went on to say how I prefer dd not to be separated from us, how the first 3 years were crucial, and that once dd was left with my parents-in-law for 2 hrs and she was really upset, and my aunt replied to say, "oh then it's high time you teach your dd not to be so STICKY!!""
oh, don't they know how to get on my nerves?! 21 month-old being sticky? What abt packageing a 21-month-old on a 22-hr air journey back to Asia so they can have fun with her? I was really fuming!!!! I replied, saying dd is NOT sticky, but independent on the contrary, and she replied saying, oh yeah, nothing negative can be said abt your dd.
I AM SO REALLY UPSET!!! AM I REALLY BEING DEFENSIVE?! I DO NOT THINK SO!! I BELIEVE I SPEAK A LOT OF SENSE NOT WANTING DD TO BE SEPARATED FOR US FOR 3 MONTHS, IN A DIFF CONTINENT, JUST BECOZ ANOTHER BABY IS BEING BORN, MOREOER, SHE IS NOT A BURDEN TO US THAT HAD TO BE RELIEVED! AND DD *IS* INDEPENDENT, I WAS not BEING DISHONEST OR ANYTHING, HOW COME THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND??!! I'M SO TERRIBLY UPSET!!!
Sorry for screaming into your ears, I'm just terribly terribly upset.....
First of all, I live across the oceans from home, but I communicate almost daily with my aunts, whom I'm closer to, becoz I grew up in my grandma's house since I was 1 month old. I'm not close to my mum. Well, when I found out I was pregnant, we dec'd not to have my mum come again like the first time, becoz it caused a lot of stress, and also, I did not want to feign closeness with my mum. In any case, I just wanted to be alone to enjoy my children and not have to worry abt keeping my mum chatted up and busy when all I wanna do is sleep! Also, she wasn't too supportive of bf'ing and in fact, repeatedly told me I probably won't bf for long becoz women in our family tend to have little breastmilk. And she insisted I gave dd water the first week, and when I didn't want to, she dipped her finger into a cup of water and put it into dd's mouth!!!!!!! I've proven her wrong anyway. dd is 21months and STILL nursing!!
Anyway, my family, though they love me, and of coz they love dd too, have a very diff parenting philosophy. Not exactly anti-AP, but they tend to judge and label (for eg, oh, she sleeps thr the night, GOOD baby!!-- things like that). When I went back last year to visit, I had a stressful time with the criticisms of why I am still bf'ing, why dd is not eating much solids, etc etc etc. I was looking forward to being home but then I wanted to come back to dh after 2 days!! Up till now, they still have to haunt me with how she is not big, tall and heavy enough.
ok, so this time, we told them, we prefer no one to come when I give birth, and we will manage. Then one of my aunts said they have a *brilliant* idea to send dd back to Asia for 3 months abt one month before I deliver, so dh and I can be relieved!!!! URFGH!! horrendous!!! I hated the idea, but I just explained we wanted dd to be at the birth, etc and I got a reply saying, "Oh, we were just teasing, and true enough you came back with a long para of reasons, ha ha ha!" Well, I WAS NOT AMUSED!!! I do not have time typing replies all the time! I'm tired of explaining my parenting philosophy!!!
aNYWAY,I went on to say how I prefer dd not to be separated from us, how the first 3 years were crucial, and that once dd was left with my parents-in-law for 2 hrs and she was really upset, and my aunt replied to say, "oh then it's high time you teach your dd not to be so STICKY!!""
oh, don't they know how to get on my nerves?! 21 month-old being sticky? What abt packageing a 21-month-old on a 22-hr air journey back to Asia so they can have fun with her? I was really fuming!!!! I replied, saying dd is NOT sticky, but independent on the contrary, and she replied saying, oh yeah, nothing negative can be said abt your dd.
I AM SO REALLY UPSET!!! AM I REALLY BEING DEFENSIVE?! I DO NOT THINK SO!! I BELIEVE I SPEAK A LOT OF SENSE NOT WANTING DD TO BE SEPARATED FOR US FOR 3 MONTHS, IN A DIFF CONTINENT, JUST BECOZ ANOTHER BABY IS BEING BORN, MOREOER, SHE IS NOT A BURDEN TO US THAT HAD TO BE RELIEVED! AND DD *IS* INDEPENDENT, I WAS not BEING DISHONEST OR ANYTHING, HOW COME THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND??!! I'M SO TERRIBLY UPSET!!!
Sorry for screaming into your ears, I'm just terribly terribly upset.....