|View Poll Results: Will/does your child refer to adults as sir/ma'am?|
|Yes, it's appropriate and shows respect for elders||17||18.09%|
|Yes, but only to strangers||15||15.96%|
|Voters: 94. You may not vote on this poll|
I live in the south(not born here) and it is expected of children to say yes ma'am and no ma'am. Even before theycan talk, when parents speak for them, they include these.
It is supposed to be done out of respect for your elders. But so often I hear yung people say it quickly and without thought. In some cases there is an obvious snotty tone, especially when speaking to people of color.
I will NOT teach my child to say these things. I think saying yes please and no thank you arefar more respectful.
I agree with the "Yes, please." and "No, thank you." Everyone-- including children-- deserves respect. That said, it may be a cultural thing too-- done just because it always has been done. (Not saying that's right at all, but it does happen! )
I have two cousins that are 12 and 5. May aunt and uncle have programmed them to say ma'am and sir to everyone every time. I don't know why, but it makes me very uncomfortable when they say yes ma'am and no ma'am to me. It sounds so artificial.
Growing up I had one aunt who hated to be called "Aunt _______" and another who wouldn't acknowledge us if we didn't say "Aunt ______"
I've never heard of anyone around here doing M'am but I know in high school we called our teachers "Sir" ( :LOL I used to call some female teachers "sir" just to make them crazy! :LOL )
The Yes Sir/No Sir term is more formal than Auntie/Uncle and almost has a sense of forboding to it.
I do, however, believe that elders should be treated with respect, and that children should say "please and thankyou". But that's about as far as it goes. Children certainly do deserve to be treated with respect, too.
Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
|Originally posted by lilyka
when people would say "Oh, she doesn't have to call me ma'am" my mom would tell them "yes she does". It made me and the person I was talking to very uncomfortable. I hardly ever talked to adults because of it.
We have no Southern ties, and generally Rain only uses the terms in similar ways.
Single mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler
i grew up in the south too, and i remember thinking it was insane that some of my friends had to refer to their parents as sir and ma'am.
i did always refer to older people as "mr. or mrs. so-and-so", but that's just what i felt comfortable doing. i still refer to people much older than me this way, really just to show that i respect the experience and wisdom their age offers.
|I generally use sir and ma'am when I'm addressing a stranger to either ask a favor or say something that might be misconstrued - it's sort of a way to make it clear that I'm asking respectfully, especially when I'm addressing an older person. So, in the mall I might say, "Excuse, me, sir, could you tell me the time?" or "Ma'am? I believe this scarf is yours, you dropped it as you got up.".|
This is understandable and what we do as well. How else would you address a person in these situations? Hey Mister just doesn't sound right. But in everyday situation with people we know, I think a lot of adults are going to be disappointed.
If someone were to ask Kailey,
"Are you having a good day?" I would like her response to be yes. Thank you." Not, "Yes, ma'am".
I live in the Northeast and we don't do the "sir and ma'am" thing.
I teach my children to be respectful in their tone. I teach them mainly by my own example. I convey a common respect for people (especially people in the service industry) by asking "please" and saying a gracious, "thank-you" for their services.
I try to teach them patience and understanding.
Adults are addressed either as "mr and mrs" if that's the adult's wish or by their given name.
I don't think children have a chance to be respectful unless the parents model this trait for them.
I think it's fine to buck the trend of your local culture so long as you are polite about it. That means you're under no obligation to teach Kailey to say ma'am and sir, but when she's a little older it would be a good idea to explain that some people like to be addressed by these terms and it is something she might CHOOSE to do when she wants to make an especially good impression.
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 10 years old and a little girl EnviroBaby !
I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more.
That said, I think its sort of silly.. I don't really get it. No one should expect to be addressed in anyway specific. As long as people aren't saying 'hey you!' or calling you names I think you can't complain
I figure (oops I mean I reckon ) if you live in the south your kids will probably just pick it up anyways. Sort of like saying 'y'all' and 'ain't'. Gah it was quite the adjustment listening to people, professionals with advanced college degrees using 'ain't' *cringe*
|Originally posted by stormborn
No kidding, if dd calls "Papa!" he will respond with "Yes Ma'am?" If I ask him to do something its yes ma'am. So I think it is just a cultural thing. The Southern version of please and thank you, perhaps.
I really believe that is the best way to teach something like that -- I will say yes, ma'am or sir to my baby. And sometimes, I will say no ma'am and no sir too!
I should also add that I am a native Texan. Although, DH feels the same way and he is South African -- they have a similar construction in South Africa. translated as "yes, uncle or auntie" (even for non-relatives).
I certainly would have appreciated the teaching as a child. All my friends KNEW to call my parents' their first names because the first time they were Mr. or Mrs. so and so, they corrected my friends.
My parents are very laid back about that stuff and thus so am I. That said, I NEVER EVER knew what to call my friends' parents. I was so very uncomfortable everywhere I went. I wasn't taught to say yes sir or no ma'am. Yes, please and no, thank you were taught, but to this day, I am mortified by something I did...
Story: I was in the car with my high school boyfriend of 3 years as his family. I called his mother her first name, and he came unglued!!! Absolutely UNGLUED! He wanted to know where I got off calling his mom by her first name. Well, he'd NEVER told me not to nor had she, and I'd always been to scared to ask her last name. I know that is strange (and for a smart girl, pretty stupid), but she was on her 3rd marriage, and I didn't know his step dad's last name. The only thing they'd ever been called was their 1st names.
I will never forget that. My son will say yes, ma'am/sir or yes, Mrs./Mr. so and so until he's told BY THAT PERSON to call him/her something different. I want him to be comfortable. To this day I still have no clue what my childhood friends' parents wanted me to call them. Luckily, one mother was eventually my teacher, so calling her by her first name wasn't an option anymore.