I'm tired of being a mom - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-01-2006, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm tired...really really tired. A little bit physically, but mostly emotionally.

I'm tired of the emotional and physical energy that being a good parent takes. Today all I can dream about is what it would be like to get in the car, alone, and drive away.

I get breaks, and time to myself...most every day. I go to the gym and the kids go to child care, my husband, God bless him, should win husband and dad of the year, makes the kids breakfast most mornings and spends an hour or so with them down stairs before he leavs for work so I can rest in bed before getting up, or go jogging, take a bath etc. The kids are in bed by 8:30 most nights and we stay up till 10 or 10:30.

I get pleanty short spurts of alone time...but I am craving a weekend (dreaming of a week) of solitude, or even better yet, alone time with my husband. I miss our time together, no worries about kids or breastfeeding or if they miss their momma.

My 3 1/2 year old is as high needs as they come, full of energy and will and spirit and defiance. She litterally exhausts me and makes me want to crawl into bed and cry. She is of course also very loving and caring and enjoyable at times...it is just today is not one of those days.

My 1 1/2 year old is a cuddle bug who loves his momma and wants to be with me all the time. We have been working on night weaning and he is finally sleeping all night most days. I'm so thankful, however, he still needs me during the day, so going away is not an option.

Today has been a paticularly challenging day, the kids were both up at 5:00 and rearing to go, and I am PMS'ing...the baby is cutting 4 teeth and has a gooky eye, we all have allergies...

I just want to run away. I dream of leaving the kids with my parents for a weekend, and my biggest fear is not how they will do with out us for 2 days...it is that I won't want to come home.

Is it bedtime yet???

Only 7 hours to go, then we can wake up and do it all over tomorrow.
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Old 06-01-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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I've totally felt like that too.
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Old 06-01-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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Sounds like you really need a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine (or two ).
Do you have anything to look forward to- to change up your routine? Like a family vacation or anything?
A change of pace usually helps my spirits..

I hope your evening is better than the start of your day was.

~e, wife to my sweet T , mama to my turtleman (12) , sunshine (9 ), and monkey (6)
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Old 06-01-2006, 05:41 PM
 
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could you maybe take a course at a local college or something? a lot are starting their summer sessions. you could have a night or two a week to do something that would get you out and socializing and doing something that interests you. i know you said you go to the gym and run and all but maybne something that MAKES you think about other things?
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Old 06-01-2006, 05:49 PM
 
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Well, you're already doing the things I'd advise! Are you looking for permission to go away for a weekend? I know your kids are fairly young but it really depends on how much rope you have left IYKWIM. If you really just can't take it another day, schedule a gramma weekend and run off with dh. If you need it, you need it.

I know I feel a lot like you do - and in a similar situation with different aged kids (mine are 9, 5 and 2). I am feeling guilty about my desire to go back to work (after a decade of SAHMing) because my youngest isn't kindergarten age yet. But I really don't think I'll make it to her fifth birthday without going stark raving mad - if I don't make the priority list more.

I'm glad you get breaks. I'm glad you go to the gym (that has helped me SO much). I'm glad your dh is helpful. Those are all good things. But sometimes we need more. It isn't selfish to take care of yourself. I skipped that part for so long - and we all ended up suffering for it. Not sure what the answer is but you have company...
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:20 PM
 
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I have no advice here, just sympathy.

I have those days -- sometimes I feel like that for a week or more.

These are hard ages (mine are 3 1/2 and 14 months). Most of the time, I love my job....but sometimes I feel burnt out too. Don't beat yourself up over having these feelings.

I try to get out of the house as much as possible during these funks. It helps! Lots of music helps too -- my girls like all kinds of music and will zone out listening if I put something on. Also, I let myself act a little crazy. For example, I let both girls splash around at the kitchen sink today, and the floor got totally soaked. So I put rags on my feet and mopped up the water while singing LOUDLY in a fake opera voice. I got very strange and puzzled looks from my daughters, but at least I entertained myself.
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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I have no advice here, just sympathy.

I have those days -- sometimes I feel like that for a week or more.

These are hard ages (mine are 3 1/2 and 14 months). Most of the time, I love my job....but sometimes I feel burnt out too. Don't beat yourself up over having these feelings.

I try to get out of the house as much as possible during these funks. It helps! Lots of music helps too -- my girls like all kinds of music and will zone out listening if I put something on. Also, I let myself act a little crazy. For example, I let both girls splash around at the kitchen sink today, and the floor got totally soaked. So I put rags on my feet and mopped up the water while singing LOUDLY in a fake opera voice. I got very strange and puzzled looks from my daughters, but at least I entertained myself.
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 08:22 PM
 
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It's okay to feel that way. I think lots of mama's have been in a similar state of mind at some time or another. It sounds like your doing everything you can to keep your body healthy and your mind sharp. Maybe a break is what you need. I don't think there is any shame in needing a break from the responsibilites of home, kids, husband, and that darn routine.

Like the PP, I try to look for the humor in my everyday situations. When my kids are having one of those difficult days that make me want to run away, I look at them out of the blue and say I have to shake out the sillies and so do they and then we shake and jiggle around the house for a few minutes and enjoy the calm afterwards.

Of course, we could all runaway. (I've threatened this before on another post, I've gotten no takers yet). We'll go to Cozumel - Margaritas and Cabana Boys for Everyone!!!! Like I said, look for the humor in the situation.
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Old 06-01-2006, 09:54 PM
 
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Here to say you are not alone. I have escape fantasies often.

It ususally involves Tahiti (though I've never been there, I'm sure that there would not be two 2.5 yo nursing toddlers clamoring all over me all day long.)
However, in my fantasies, my dh stays home with the kids (I think to aleve my guilt) and I enjoy being ALONE.

I wouldn't worry too much about your biggest fear - not wanting to come home - chances are you'd miss them after a few hours even though they drive you crazier by the minute.

Hang in there . . . and though you might not be able/willing to take a weekend, sometimes even a whole day alone or with your partner can do wonders.
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Old 06-01-2006, 10:33 PM
 
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Been there.... It will pass.... It gets easier. It does!

Sounds to me that you need a break. See if there is away you can get out by yourself for a few hours or part of a day. I KNOW it is hard when your kiddos are as little as yours. But make the effort, you'll feel refreshed and SO much better. Hang in there....it really does get better. My "baby" just turned 5. It is hard to believe right now but one day you will miss this time of right now. Try to cherish all the time today because it goes so quickly. Get some breaks now and then so you can really enjoy it.
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Old 06-01-2006, 10:35 PM
 
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I remember getting in the car to go to the gym when ds1 was a baby and home with dh and wondering what would happen if I just kept driving east...

It does get better...now I want to drive south! Just kidding...

Definitely make sure you get breaks that are just for YOU...that will help a lot!

Jen, former attorney and now SAHM to 11 yo ds and 8 yo ds

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Old 06-01-2006, 10:49 PM
 
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More sympathy. I often feel like running away. Seems common for these ages (mine are 3.75 yrs and 16 mos.). Hey that mexico thing with the drinks and boys sounds good! Actually I'd rather not the boys- they cause too much trouble. Really, alone would be nice. Or with anyone who doesn't want something from me.
It sounds like you're doing a lot so far (way more than me) but maybe it's still not enough. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a 'high needs' parent for how much alone time and rejuvenation I get.

I will try to savour my girls though.
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Old 06-02-2006, 02:12 AM
 
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I am a pharmacist (very part time now) and a mom with 5 kids. I know what you feel like! And what the others said is all true. There's another possibility that you might want to think about. Mom's can experience post partum depression months and up to a few years after a baby is born. No one is sure why, but nursing, weaning, lack of sleep, resuming birth control pills and many other factors can contribute to developing PPD.

If you really feel overwhelmed, and you feel like things may have changed to the point where you don't feel like yourself, think about givng your OB/GYN, midwife or GP a call. Some just need some mom time, some may need counseling and others may need an antidepressant. I am in the last group. After years of struggling and trying everything else, I finally tried an antidepressant and I feel much better. (Sorry Tom Cruise... )

~Lisa
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Old 06-02-2006, 12:01 PM
 
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I can't count the number of times I've felt the EXACT same way and I only have one! God help me if I have another child...

I hope you are able to find something that works for you, I agree with the pp that says counseling or medication can do wonders...sometimes a serious mental issue is disguised as burn out (as is the case with me, I'm getting on medication for it)

again...

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
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Old 06-02-2006, 02:08 PM
 
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You're definately not alone!
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