transitions & goodbyes - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 01-22-2002, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
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i'd like your thoughts and advice and ask that this please do not wander into a work vs sah debate

my daughter is 3yrs and 3 mos. today we went to daycare (private in home thing) and did our routine. take off coat/boots and get held by mom for 5 mins or so. ask for hugs and kisses and go see the daycare mom.

sometimes dd will say 'dont go mommy' and i take extra time to give extra hugs/kisses and talk to her. i tell her i wish i could stay and that i know she'll do this or that and see emily or jared etc. and that i always come home to rachel and will see her at home. i try to reassure her and have her ok with my leaving.

today nothign would help. she was the most upset at my leaving as i've ever seen. i think part of the catalyst was that yesterday i was in the kitchen from 4pm to 10pm and other than dinner, didnt sit or leave it or do anything with my dd. this a.m. i spent extra time in bed with her and we started the day gently to help compensate for last night.

dh called the daycare and she settled down soon after i left so i think the problem was the actual transition

any thoughts or experiences with this moms?

she may have been fine after i left, but i sure wasnt!!!
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#2 of 5 Old 01-22-2002, 03:49 PM
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Try using a transitional object, and by this I don't mean a blankie or doll (although if she has one, that might help - my dd "uses" her lovey at preschool sometimes). What i mean is give her something of yours to hold for the day, like a piece of jewelry or a keychain. She can wear it or keep it in her pocket so that she feels she is "keeping" a part of you, plus it's like proof that you're going to come back. Or she can carry a picture of you or the two of you together. These things have worked really well for friends of mine.

Hope this helps!
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#3 of 5 Old 01-22-2002, 04:36 PM
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Peacemama that is an excellent idea. I read that giving them your watch and telling them how to tell what time you are coming back works too. Also you might spray something with your favorite perfume so that when she is missing you she can smell it. I read this book called The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn, to my ds, age 3 1/2 on the nights before he goes to preschool and it is a lovely story about a mother racoon who kisses the palm of her sons hand and he kisses hers and anytime they miss each other they can place their palms on their cheek and feel the love. My ds does the kissing hand with me on the days he has preschool and it has really helped him cope and know that I am coming back. Plus it makes me feel good too

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#4 of 5 Old 01-22-2002, 04:38 PM
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Last year when dd was 3 she was going to pre-school 2 days a week. AT one point during the year (towards the birth of new baby) she started to really get upset about going.
I started putting a"kiss" (kiss my fingers, then put hand in her pocket..not the candy) in her pocket. I would tell her to take it out later when she was missing me to put on her cheek.
This really seemed to help. To the point that one day she gave "it" back to me and told me she could wait til she got home.

Sounds a little too simple when I write it here, but it did help. She really loves pretend games...

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#5 of 5 Old 01-22-2002, 09:06 PM
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Aside from the above suggestions (which are all awesome!) and dealing with the underlying causes, here is an idea I have. In the preschool where my SO works, the kids "push" their parents out the door. Every morning they give a hug and a kiss, and then the kids have fun pushing them out the door. It gives the kids a sense of participation and power in the seperation, and it is something that makes them laugh as they begin the day at school. Done everyday, this seems to help some kids some of the time when nothing else works.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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