We have 3 kids-dd 5.5, ds 2.5 and ds 12 months-we have decided not to have any more babies. It's a great decision-most of the time. I love our family dynamic. Dd is my only girl, very much my partner and helper when it comes to so many things. She's interesting, funny, smart, patient, a good listener, brave, empithetic...the list goes on and on. She's a budding crunchy advocate (she's told friends they shouldn't use paper wipes b/c it's not good for the land and has freeked out when given a plastic cup, instead of the safer ones we use...she has also said when she grows up she's going to cd, bf, homeschool, garden and compost
) I have a very special relationship with her and the thought of having another girl both makes me sad that it won't be exclusive and also scares the pants "on" me (haha) b/c she can also be high maintenence and DRAMA (she must get that from her father
Ds #1 is a ham-he's all boy and a people pleaser. He doen's say much but his big old head is always coming up with something new. He and his brother are only 16 months apart so he's already got compition there. He loves his baby though, he takes his frustrations out on dh and I. Really I like the idea of the boys being close. It's more like they are their own unit-like twins I suppose. I also imagine they will be more like that as the gap between there development closes.
The baby is on the move and already throwing tantrums. He used to be my sweet mama's boy. Smiling, laid back, nursing and sleeping when and where it was convienent for me. He's the cutest thing you've ever seen with his tiny body (he's a bit small) his big teeth anbd a big scrunchy-nose smile. He's not really like that anymore. He's uber needy-not that I expect him to be self sufficiant
He wants to be held the entire time he's awake and throws a fit bigger then my 2 yo when he doesn't get his way. Maybe that's my problem. He's growng up...right before my eyes.
Any way we decided for a slew of reasons that we are done, but the whole "never being pg again" breaks my heart a little bit. Part of me wants to do it again so I can do it "right" I'd love to have a home birth and cd from the beginning. But that's no reason to have a baby. That's an exparament that puts my whole family at risk, financially, emotionally, dynamically, physically, etc.
How do I move on with this part of my life and have closure to this wonderful season that is fading away?