Are pacifiers Bad? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: are pacifiers bad?
Yes they are bad. they are for lazy parents. 36 100.00%
Maybe not BAD but I choose not to use them 86 100.00%
take it or leave it. I don't care. 45 100.00%
They are good for some kids 90 100.00%
They are great! I wish I had one! LOL 11 100.00%
other 8 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 6. You may not vote on this poll

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#91 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 05:42 PM
 
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Wow talk about a case of mistaken identity!

isaacsmom - I think your boulder was meant for someone else. Please re-read my posts. However you might also want to keep in mind that it is no nicer to call someone a narrow minded twit then to call someone a lazy parent - KWIM? We should all be careful not to judge one another and state our opinions without personal attacks.

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#92 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 05:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by isaacsmom
...well I wish I had a boulder handy to throw at you...
i try to keep in nonviolent on the boards, you know, whether i agree or disagree.

i'm one of your twits, isaacsmom, though i chose not to post my opinions outright.

i'm also a first time mom, who goes with her mothering instincts and needs no constant reassurance. i mention this because i hope people out there know that being a first time mom does not always = needing constant reassurance, just as being a second time mom doesn't always mean you know it all.

i am sure i make/ will continue to make little mistakes, but i feel good about all of my decisions, each made on my own, including my decsion not to use artificial nipples.

if i didn't feel 100% good about the decsion, i would question if it is the right one, ykwim? that's how i operate.

anyway, i didn't even vote on the poll, i know this is a sensitive subject on the boards and have made the mistake of posting my opinions on the matter in earnest before, and that time people had plenty of boulders handy for me. what a cruel and archaic metaphor.

tabitha

Hi, I'm Tabitha. I'm a homeschooling mother of four: ds (11) dd (9) ds (7) ds (5) And I'm expecting a fifth in 2014! Find me at http://www.omelay.blogspot.com
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#93 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 07:21 PM
 
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Wow. Must be nice to feel 100% good about all your parenting choices, Tabitha! I certainly don't, and I doubt I am unusual. Life is uncertain, complex and challenging, and parenting is one crazy winding road. All of my parenting decisions are thought out and based on my gut, my instincts and sometimes research, and still are uncertain much of the time. Maybe I'm just not as smart as you.

ubertulip: Jackson could suck his thumb pretty early, but chose not to. But he loved his binky for sleep and the car for a few months... ??
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#94 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 07:29 PM
 
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I also feel 100% about my parenting choice to allow a few of my kids to have a paci. I think it all depends on the child and the parent. It's definately a personal choice. I honestly don't think there's a right or wrong here. Just a whatever's best for your family thing!

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#95 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 08:07 PM
 
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dotcommomma & tara-- thanks for answering my question. It must be so frustrating sometimes to be an infant!
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#96 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 09:34 PM
 
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Ok guys has anyone noticed that only 12% or so of people were saying paci's were bad. There always will be some very judgmental people. But mostly everone here (almost 90%) were not judgmental.

This was not a matter where I could be judged. My first DD would not take a paci and my second could not (she was born with a shortened freunulm which did not allow her sufficient sucking power to keep a paci in, (she was able to BF, Thank God.)
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#97 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 11:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ubertulip
Can I just ask, how long does it take babies to learn to suck their thumbs, and why on earth wouldn't you rather suck your thumb than a piece of plastic? I'm not judging pro-paci folks, I just don't understand. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 or something and I don't think I have any teeth problems.
The reason I chose a paci in place of the thumb:
You can sterilize a paci if needed.
You can limit the amount its used and when its used.
My son is 3 1/2 and still uses his, I'm not intending to force him to go cold turkey in giving it up, but I will continue to encourage him to use it less and less. He won't have it by the time he's 10.

Chelly
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#98 of 120 Old 03-31-2003, 11:40 PM
 
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Hey Chelly, you're not making fun of me 'cause I sucked my thumb that long, are you? :LOL
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#99 of 120 Old 04-01-2003, 02:37 AM
 
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Can I just ask, how long does it take babies to learn to suck their thumbs, and why on earth wouldn't you rather suck your thumb than a piece of plastic? I'm not judging pro-paci folks, I just don't understand. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 or something and I don't think I have any teeth problems.
What I don't get is why a thumb is ok, but a pacie isn't. They are both ways to self soothe when mom's boob isn't available or isn't preferred. I think there are some ways a thumb is preferable but some ways a pacie is preferable.

Assuming you think a thumb is ok, shouldn't a pacie be ok too as long as it isn't being forced into a babies mouth to "shut it up"?

BTW, Tabitha I thought your post was respectful - one of the "I won't do it but I won't say you are bad for doing it" ones. It didn't offend me and I am pretty easy to set off these days. LOL.

Bottom line for me is that I would love it if I could satisfy all my girls sucking needs and believe me I come close judging by the amount of time they spend attached to me. I have just found that I have to make some compromises to my "absolute AP values" to effectively parent my twins and my older child. Too many wants and only one me, kwim? I just try to make the *best* choices I can since perfect isn't an option.

Sunmountain, if you are out there, since you are the official threadkiller, can you pay this one a visit? Let's put it out of its misery!
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#100 of 120 Old 04-01-2003, 10:40 AM
 
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Originally posted by Ubertulip
Hey Chelly, you're not making fun of me 'cause I sucked my thumb that long, are you? :LOL
:LOL - No (well not really) :LOL

No I am just trying to say its easier to take a paci away than to take the thumb away :LOL
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#101 of 120 Old 04-01-2003, 11:51 AM
 
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Oh how true. My sweet DD age 6, sucked her thumb until she was 5. She never used a paci, not because I am against them but because a minor physical problem prevented it.


By the time she was 5 she was upset that she still sucked her thumb. She was a "cool big girl" (she got that idea from her big sister.) DH and I did not care about the thumb sucking AT All, but she kept asking us if we could get her a book to make her stop. (Another mom was talking about a book she used to help DS stop bedwetting at age 7.) When she went to the dentist, the dentist asked me if I had any questions, DD pipes up: "How do I stop suckin my tum" The Dentist said they could talk about it if she wanted (she is really nice and a mom of 5). She and DD talked for 20 minutes and came up with the idea (it was really DD's) of putting socks on DD hands at night. (this is when she sucked.) DD was very adamanent about using socks and would put them on herself. She was able to stop sucking in about 5 weeks.
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#102 of 120 Old 04-01-2003, 03:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by tara
Wow. Must be nice to feel 100% good about all your parenting choices, Tabitha! I certainly don't, and I doubt I am unusual. Life is uncertain, complex and challenging, and parenting is one crazy winding road. All of my parenting decisions are thought out and based on my gut, my instincts and sometimes research, and still are uncertain much of the time. Maybe I'm just not as smart as you.
I did not say i was usual, or that not feeling sure is unusual. Why cant a person just post their situation? I genuinely feel that there is a large misconception that 1st time moms are usually unsure, or need a lot of guidance, or that moms of more than one don't, and i think both are misconceptions- i was only using myself as an example. i have friends who are also "exceptions" to the "misconception" of 1st timemom=unsure of her decisions, maybe if i had used one of them as an example...?

It is not "nice" or unpleasant to feel strongly and sure about my decisions, it is just the way it is. I would never profess that it is due to intelligence. Every person is different. I did not magically become this way with decisions in pregnancy- i have always desired that should i make a decision, i be comfortable with it. very comfortable. especially when it is very important.

i think everyone is capable of choosing to approach life in this way, should they desire, just as i am likely capable of choosing to operate differently, though i wouldn't as i'm doing fine this way.

i am confident that if i approach every decision with an open heart and mind, and listen to my conscience as well, i will make healthy decisions that are good for me, my baby, and the world- not just on the short-term, but long term. it may sound "cocky" but it is true. and i don't write this to show off or look "smart", it is simply a truth about myself.

i hope, tara, as well as all reading this thread, that my posts are not offensive, since that could only mean that i am offensive as a person, laying myself bare here before you without attitude.

tabitha

Hi, I'm Tabitha. I'm a homeschooling mother of four: ds (11) dd (9) ds (7) ds (5) And I'm expecting a fifth in 2014! Find me at http://www.omelay.blogspot.com
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#103 of 120 Old 04-01-2003, 05:18 PM
 
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I understand what you mean, Tabitha. I didn't need guidance and help when I had my first, nor did I want it because most of the help offered was too mainstream for me. I did what worked at the time and didn't feel guilty about my choices. I hate it when moms feel guilty about doing things that work for them or their baby at the time. There is enought to feel guilty about. Feeling guilty about letting a baby use a pacifier is wasted emotion, imho. If you are not forcing a child to suck on a pacifier, and are meeting her needs in every other way, why feel guilty about letting your child use a pacifier?

Lets please get the topic on track and respect our fellow members. It seems to me that this isn't a topic that is deserving of any type of "attack." Let's just give our experiences and opinions and leave it at that.

Thanks,
Beth
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#104 of 120 Old 04-03-2003, 02:44 AM
 
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I want to add something about my expiriences with pacifiers and being a first time mom.. I'm only 4 weeks into it, but this is what I've learned so far:

You can read, study, make informed choices/decisions, but sometimes its really the child who leads you in one direction or another. I didn't realize that these little people have their own agenda/personality/needs/etc... and sometimes you need to revaluate your opinions.

I was 100% against pacifiers (I thought) before my baby was born. She however has certain needs that I didn't anticipate. I chose pacifiers are good for some kids. If my dd's needs were met easily with just nursing, or she was coordinated enough to suck her fist or thumb that would be what we would do.

Developing an attachment to your child that is strong enough to interpret their needs and meet them as completely as you humanly can in an effective and safe way is what most of us are trying to accomplish I think.

Its important to listen to your instincts as well as listening to your child.

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#105 of 120 Old 04-03-2003, 10:33 AM
 
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Well put Lea!!!

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#106 of 120 Old 07-01-2003, 04:38 PM
 
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I am surprised no one had the same experience as me. Didn't any of you have babies whose need to suck exceeded their need to BF????

My older DD needed to suck all day. I LOVED BF'ing but if she ate more than every hour and a half or so, she would get very colicky and spit up like crazy.

I gave her the pacifier if she had eaten within the past 20 minutes and still wanted to suck.

Anyone else use a paci for this reason???
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#107 of 120 Old 07-01-2003, 05:05 PM
 
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Yes, I absolutely had that experience. My youngest currently sucks his two fingers after he nurses. Some kids just need to suck all of the time!

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#108 of 120 Old 07-01-2003, 05:35 PM
 
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Well, we used a paci with dd, and we weaned her from it (cruely-looking back) at almost 2.

I wanted to mention something from my experience. My orthodontist told my mom and I that my teeth were so out of line, b/c I had sucked my thumb, that I had mishappened the roof of my mouth. Well, when dd was born and I was seeing a L.C. for trouble BFing, she couldn't figure out why no matter what she did, it still was hurting me. Finally she said, "do you mind if I feel in her mouth?" So, I was like "OK": Anywho, she felt dd's roof of her mouth and said it was very high and narrow, and that my nipple was being "sucked" a long distance so to speak, so the roof of her mouth at a couple of weeks was like mine, so I'm assuming it is just the way our mouths are formed (genetics) my mom's is the same way. I wonder how often the mouth of the child is mishappenes either way, nothing to do with the paci or the thumb? I realize that there must be times that the paci or thumb is to blame, but I know lots of people who needed braces, who never used either thumb or paci.

Anywho, more on topic- I was totally anti-paci before having my dd, and still would like to avoid it, but ds never used one, then starting sucking his thumb at 18 months when he saw his cousin do it

I'd rather do the paci than the thumb, I think, but would obviously prefer to have babes that are totally content with just the breast, it just doesn't always work out that way.

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#109 of 120 Old 07-01-2003, 11:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by laralou
What I don't get is why a thumb is ok, but a pacie isn't. They are both ways to self soothe when mom's boob isn't available or isn't preferred. I think there are some ways a thumb is preferable but some ways a pacie is preferable.
Yes, ITA. I don't think either is bad. I did, however, want to encourage a paci instead of the thumb with my youngest. (I'm so ducking right now, don't throw anything.) I have an eight year old that still sucks her thumb. Nothing we have said or done has helped her wean. We have set limitations, but of course when no one is watching, in it goes. She's habitual about it. Do they have some kind of AA for thumb sucking? Sorry, T. Luckily, she doesn't have any teeth or mouth problems at all.

With our last we made a deliberate decision to encourage paci use (if he was a needy sucker), because of my experience with my dd. I say, to each their own. I had one who is a thumb sucker, one who didn't need anything, and one who uses a paci in the middle of the night. : I couldn't have possibly been lazy with one or the other, I believe that I am pretty consistent in my parenting style. So, it is my best MD diagnosis, that all children are different and all have deifferent needs. Who knows, maybe the next one will insist on sucking something totally different.

Jenny
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#110 of 120 Old 07-02-2003, 10:44 PM
 
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Chiming in on a hot topic as a newbie

My 3 yo dd still has her binky- for sleeping only. She was bottle fed from the get go and needed the extra sucking to be soothed. She also had wretched colic and I would have cut off my right arm to stop the pain for her. Her binky helped her to calm down and it was worth every single second she sucked on it. She is very verbally advanced, and has an amazing vocabulary. Sucking on a pacifier hasn't hindered her speech progress at all.

My 5 mo old dd will use it occasionally, and she is ebf. There are times she just doesn't want to nurse- she will scream and spit up if I offer her the breast, but will suck on her binky readily. I am holding her while she is binky-sucking, so she's not missing out on any mama contact. She isn't as suck-needy as her sister, but does want it pretty often. She has also always bf like a champ and has had a binky since she was 2 days old. It hasn't affected her nursing/latch on at all.

I'm surprised to see some of the judging that goes on here, but I guess no online group is void of that.

I'm confident with the decisions I've made for my girls in this area, and that's that.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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#111 of 120 Old 07-02-2003, 11:14 PM
 
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Originally posted by tabitha
if i end up with a very needy sucker next time, i imagine i'll just nurse him/her 24/7. they way i see it, there is a reason the baby wants to suck so much at the breast. i don't subscribe to the "comfort sucking" vs. "nutritive sucking" dissection of nursing . a baby knows what he/she needs. i'm there to follow the baby's lead.

Sister, you've obviously never had a baby with reflux (GER). The more you nurse, the worse it gets, and trust me, if you were in a situation where you're baby was wailing in pain from reflux(stomach acids rise up in their throats) and you could ease their pain with a binky, you would give them one. I would sincerely hope that your principles aren't so zealous that you would let your baby scream in pain over them.

You make a good case but still.....never say never. There are always exceptions.

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#112 of 120 Old 07-04-2003, 05:25 PM
 
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I had blood blisters on my nipples.

We got a paci.

DD still uses it to sleep only. She is 3. When she is ready, she will give it up. I will not force her. Waaay back someone commented that older children have pacis because the parents are lax with discipline. My discipline does not involve forcing my darling daughter to give up her dearly treasured paci any more than I would voluntarially toss away my most treasured down pillow that I even pack in my knapsack when I travel. Her teeth are perfect and her vocabulary is excellent. I ask her about giving it up and she says "when I am older."

However if I do have another child, knowing what I know now I would probably try and see what would happen if I stopped using it around 5 or 6 months.
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#113 of 120 Old 07-04-2003, 07:36 PM
 
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I had blood blisters on my nipples.
Me too. It was awful. The pacifier saved my breasts and my relationship with my baby.
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#114 of 120 Old 07-05-2003, 12:19 PM
 
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kater07- sounds like those nurses need to be shot! How horrible!

Here's my view on pacis- I think it's a baby by baby case. Some babies can't stand the things and others can't stand it without them. All three of my kids have been take it or leave it babies and the oldest two threw the things away themselves by 9 months. My little one now is the same way but since I breastfeed he prefers to nurse for comfort and the bink is really just something he pops in his mouth to bite on.
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#115 of 120 Old 07-07-2003, 08:01 PM
 
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sounds like those nurses need to be shot!
Well, I was shot at early friday morning, around 2:30 in the ER where i work.

Nurses do not need to be shot, especially not over a pacifier.

Jo, you might be the proud mom of three heathens, but friday morning about 25 real life heathens descended on the ER after a night of clubbing, and assaults. The shooter shot randomly at the crowd, of which i was a part of, trying to help a desperately hurt young man who had himself been shot. a bystander was hit, and as of today is still on life support.

Normally, when i read posts bashing nurses, i try to look the other way. however, today your post hit me right between the eyes given my night that thursday. All i was doing was my job, and someone took a shot at me and my coworkers. I am most likely being over sensitive, and some will think me melodramatic, but i can tell you that saying a nurse should be shot, really bothers me today, especially because i was shot at.

have a nice day.
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#116 of 120 Old 07-07-2003, 10:03 PM
 
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as a soon to be mom i swore i wouldnt use one. but she slept so good when i ended up tryiing it. sleep made me a better mommy when we were up during the day and i only used it for naps and bedtime. at 1 1/2 i cut off the top and gave it to her. she thought it was yucky and threw it away herself. she still sleeps just as great without it but having it during the first year or so helped her develope good sleep habits. and it was great because she would go to sleep anywhere for anyone so it gave dh and i the freedom to take some time for us as a couple and not worry about her babysitter being able to get her down to bed. i remember babysitting other children who where pure hell to put to bed and it was so nice to lay her down and give her a kiss and hug and say goodnight and be done.

i was not neglectful and she was never seen out in public with it. now with twins i have to say they may have it a little more then my first but we will see. i have so much milk that they get full fast but want to suck still and get really mad because they just dont want any more milk.

And personallly i think thumb sucking is far grosser. you cant wein them of that and thumbs are really dirty! thumbs hurt teeth and a lot of pacifiers are more like the breast.

just go by what your baby needs. there is no reason to pass judgement on others decision esspecially on pacifier use. really who cares!

Angela: Catholic Homeschooling Mom to Sierra(11/00), twins Addison & Kendall(3/03), Jack(4/06), Brielle (7/08), Levi (2/2011); due with#7 (9/13). Birthed every witch way.....hospital. C section. VbAC. Unassisted water birth (hypno/painless). Assisted waterbirth to an almost 10lber! (Not painless!)
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#117 of 120 Old 07-08-2003, 12:08 AM
 
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sweetbaby3- I never meant that the nurses literally should be shot and I'm sorry you took it that way. I just meant that was horrible of them to be the way they were with her. There is only one nurse I wish would be shot and that has nothing to do with the woman being a nurse so I in no way shape or form wish ill on someone like you who is just trying to do her job.

On the reverse side of that, I AM a real life Heathen and want you to know that a "real life heathen" would never even touch a gun much less shoot one or harm another human being so hooligans yes...disgusting examples of humanity yes but heathens no.

I'm honestly sorry you had to deal with something like that sweety. No one has the right to put your life in danger like that. I hope it's not something you have to deal with ever again.
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#118 of 120 Old 07-12-2003, 05:42 PM
 
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We also resisted the binkie thing, until ds was in his beyond-colic phase, at about four weeks. He loved it (although he cried, er, communicated for about 8 hours a day). I figured he would be one of those kids who sucked it at 4 yrs, but at about 6 months, he started using it less and less until he gave it up. At about 10 months, he walked around chewing it because he was teething, but that was short lived.
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#119 of 120 Old 07-15-2003, 09:07 PM
 
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As long as you don't force them on the child, or cause nipple confusion, I see no problem with a pacifier. DD wasn't into it much and she had no nipple confusion at all! She knew there was only one nipple good enough for her. I wished she liked a passy now and then...
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#120 of 120 Old 07-16-2003, 04:32 PM
 
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I received a pack of pacifiers at my shower from my SIL, who said, "I don't know how you feel about pacifiers." I said, "I don't know how I feel about them, either."

Truth is, I had an intense love affair with pacifiers till I was 6 years old, at which point probably peer pressure and public humiliation caused me to self-wean. I have always had perfect dental alignment.

I agree that pacifiers look ugly in a child's mouth. That, to me, is the biggest downside.

Not sure what I'll do once my baby is here.
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