Introvert Moms and Extrovert Kids - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-12-2006, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mods - I'm not sure where to put this thread. It sort of has to do with SAHMing, but also WAHMing, but also about introverts Moms and extrovert kids and how that combo affects us as Mothers. So, I'll just start writing it, and maybe you all can figure out if it's in the right place!

Here's the thing. I have a 3.8 year old DD and a 16 month old DD. When DD#1 was born, I was working 60 hours a week on my brand-new business, and DH was working 60 hours a week on his well-established business and life was insane. We hired a live-in nanny to help us. After 18 months, I closed my business, realizing that I really wanted to spend a lot more time with DD#1 and also get ready for DD#2. And my business was sucking the life out of me and not getting anywhere. It was a far better financial decision for me to quit and DH to continue working.

However, we kept the nanny on PT (25 hours a week), because I was a little worried about the transition to SAHM. I really wasn't sure I could handle it alone, but I really didn't know why. I just had this "gut feeling" that it was going to be hard for me.

Even having help (and our nanny has been more like a mother's helper at times), I still felt overwhelmed by being a Mom and even more so the idea of being a full-on SAHM. That is why I just didn't do it right away.

Lately, I've really been wanting to work again. I love my girls, but I cannot figure this out, why I want to go back to work so much - and then one day, I read a comment on the boards about introverts and extroverts and something hit me! (We need a "lightbulb" smilie!) This Mom was talking about being an introvert with an extrovert child and how difficult it was to find time to re-charge during the day. Her DD was just . If you know some about introverts, you know that they really need alone time to re-charge.

Well, THAT WAS ME!!! To a "T"... My DD#1 was extremely extroverted and I am extremely introverted, and being with her all the time was daunting, to say the least. Even just having to care for a baby who needs constant attention was overwhelming. And after reading that, I started wondering about the correlation between being an introvert Mom and having a hard time accepting being a SAHM - because the children are with you all the time and I was thinking that could be very overwhelming to an introvert. :

What do you all think of my crazy thoughts here? Do you think there is any validity to it? I would be soooo happy to think that my not wanting to SAH is not because I don't like my girls, but more about needing time to re-charge and do some work that re-charges me. My occupation is a dressmaker - and it is a very solitary occupation. I LOVE IT. It's quiet and peaceful, and I accomplish beautiful things by doing it. But the biggest thing is - I don't have to work with a lot of people. I could never be a salesperson, for example, or even work in an office with many other co-workers. (Just to clarify - my other business when DD#1 was born was not dressmaking, but related to it.)

Anyway, I hope this sort of makes sense. I'd love to hear what you all think - and I really, really want to be clear - I am NOT starting this thread for a SAHM/WAHM debate! So, if that is what you want to do, go somewhere else, please!

I just want to talk about the idea of introverted Moms and how they relate to their extroverted kids and if being an introvert Mom makes you really want to get away from your kids sometimes, even to the point to wanting to get a job to get out of the house!
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#2 of 8 Old 07-12-2006, 07:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasaurus
I just want to talk about the idea of introverted Moms and how they relate to their extroverted kids and if being an introvert Mom makes you really want to get away from your kids sometimes, even to the point to wanting to get a job to get out of the house!
I have looked through the want ads before!
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#3 of 8 Old 07-12-2006, 09:28 PM
 
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My wee one is only 4 1/2 months, but I completely understand.

Side note: Have you read "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney? A lot of common sense stuff, but is also chock full of awesome things that have helped me to be OK with parts of myself that I'd been thinking needed to be changed.

Anyway, with the wee one I am always ON. ON ON ON. I had to go back to work, no matter what, due to the decision to live near my parents in this god-awful expensive area. But, while my occupation is nowhere near as solitary is dressmaking (I drool at the peace and quiet that conjures), I still have moments where I can be OFF and recharge. I can sit and think. I can take a walk to get some water.

While I was home with my sweet babe, it was so SO hard not to be able to have recharge time. Don't get me wrong, I love the wee babe, but I just know EXACTLY where you are coming from.

((Hugs)) I hope you are able to find a way to get some time to yourself to be OFF for awhile.


An introvert and ain't ashamed of it!  love.gif
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#4 of 8 Old 07-12-2006, 09:34 PM
 
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I am very much an introvert, and so is dd, but ds is very extroverted and our baby cousin who lives with us is just plain clingy. It does get stressful, but never to the point of my looking for a job (which would be even more stressful for me). I try to calm down while they're asleep, but that doesn't always work. Anyway, I don't have any suggestions or anything, but I am in the same postion.
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#5 of 8 Old 07-12-2006, 11:01 PM
 
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Introvert mama here, with an extremely extroverted dd.

I'm sending her to preschool this fall, for 3 mornings a week, because of this. I can't keep up with her need to socialize. I'm not a recluse by any means - we go on playdates and have friends we see regularly. But in order to satisfy her, I have to run myself ragged.

She's going to love preschool (she's jumped right in when we visited) and I will appreciate a few quiet hours to get things done and recharge.
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#6 of 8 Old 07-13-2006, 12:24 PM
 
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Another intovert mom here. DS1 seems to be a bit introverted, too, but lately he's been wanting to be around children his age more often. I feel bad that I'm not one to meet other moms or find him playmates.
I do go to work 10 hours a week- two five hour days. Partly to recharge/relax and partly to keep my foot in the door and get the benefits (free museum and science center visits!).

And thanks Tellera for mentioning that book. I just put in a library request for it. I was just starting to feel okay with being me before I became a mom and now I'm feeling like I'm doing a disservice to my children by not having tons of friends and jumping right into everything.

Marie-Mom to two boys and a girl.
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#7 of 8 Old 07-13-2006, 12:49 PM
 
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Another introverted mama here with a 2 y.o. extroverted DD!

After DD was born, I returned to work part time (approx. 2 days a week). I really love my job and take great pride in it, which is the original reason I went back to work. But as DD's very outgoing personality has emerged, I find the time at work as my little refuge. Although it really isn't alone time, it is away from DD and her neverending energy.

I have seriously considered being a SAHM, but I know I wouldn't be the mother DD needs if I didn't get that time for me. I also wonder about future children and how their needs will affect my working or not.

I feel right now, my working is best for all of us. DD's care providers are her grandparents and they have developed a wonderful bond. Because I work nights occasionally, DH has really gotten to know all her quirks. And I'm a better mommy overall when I've dealt with my needs first. And consequently, DD's needs get met with everybody she sees each week .

I wish I could just volunteer a few hours a week, but most volunteer jobs involve that whole human contact thing:. Not exactly what an introvert needs.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-13-2006, 08:12 PM
 
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That book is really great. I recommend it to any introvert I come across! It actually has sections on being parenting both introvert and extrovert children.


An introvert and ain't ashamed of it!  love.gif
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