public restrooms for boys - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 01-26-2002, 06:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Why do men/boys have to pee infront of everyone else? I mean why do we get our private space to pee in PUBLIC restrooms and men dont?
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#2 of 27 Old 01-26-2002, 03:44 PM
 
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I think most men's bathrooms have stalls, too - atleast the ones I have been in! The lack of privacy does make me feel a little hesitant about letting ds#1 use a public men's room by himself. He's 6 1/2 and still has to go into the women's restroom w/ mom. I cannot imagine letting him go alone for a long time.
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#3 of 27 Old 01-27-2002, 04:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah, I guess Ill keep on bringing ds with me into the ladies r.room until hes a teen
dh was telling me that new restrooms have stalls and that only the old ones are still wide open. Maybe they will gradually keep on changing into more private spaces!
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#4 of 27 Old 01-27-2002, 04:39 AM
 
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Even better are family restrooms. I know that there are very few in this country. But it is worth suggesting. Even my husband suggests it to just about every place we go-- that and changing rooms.

Anyway, you got it! They are staying with me until they are as big as Dad!
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#5 of 27 Old 01-27-2002, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Familiy restrooms, thats great!

Ive never been to one but I will suggest them too!
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#6 of 27 Old 01-27-2002, 09:58 PM
 
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The two largest shopping malls, as well as several stores in our area have Family Bathrooms... usually just one big bathroom, wheelchair accessible, between the men's and women's bathrooms. The sign is really cute - an adult male, female, little gender neutral figure, and a figure in a wheelchair. Jadon calls them "everybody's bathroom". Anyway, if that's not available, I just take them in with me....

DH is even more vocal about this than I am - we were getting pictures taken with his extended family (really unpleasant experience) and one of his neices needed to use the toilet. She was 7 at the time...and her parents sent her to walk across the store and into the bathroom alone. Finally, (I think just to shut up my DH) one of the other adult women went to check on her. Everything was ok, but YIKES!!!! Maybe I'm just overprotective....

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#7 of 27 Old 01-28-2002, 05:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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maybe Im also overprotective about this one but Id rather be for as long as I can!

to your dh, maybe they will remember it next time she goes to a public restroom!

Ill keep my eyes open for the family restroom, its such a good idea!
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#8 of 27 Old 01-28-2002, 10:18 AM
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Just this weekend an 8yo boy was molested in the boys room at the Wendeys about 1/2 hour away.

This was in an affluent suburb.

They're looking for the perv.

Very very scarey because I let my boys go to the boys room thinking they're relatively safe because the restroom is such a public place.

Now I'm not sure what to do (maybe the buddy system) My boys certainly don't want to go into the ladies room with me but I don't want them falling victim to some perv in the boys' room, either.

Don't *ever* worry about being overprotective.

And may the creep be found!!!

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#9 of 27 Old 01-28-2002, 06:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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:mad: thats awful stuff !

I do hope they find that a***ole!
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#10 of 27 Old 01-28-2002, 07:15 PM
 
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they usually have a stall
they can pee in the stall if they like.
i have never heard of one that didn't have a toilet stall.

my nine year old now goes into men's bathrooms by himself.
I made him go with me until last year.
now I wait outside the bathroom for him.
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#11 of 27 Old 01-28-2002, 07:50 PM
 
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My 8 year old is allowed to go by himself IF it is a one person only bathroom and I've checked first, or a place that I feel safe with. There aren't many, though, I am very overly suspicious.

He and I have many conversations about what to do if he gets that funny feeling in his tummy, feels unsafe, or another person starts talking to him beyond hi. He knows to scream if he can't just leave, and that even if he has to go really bad, he is to leave immediately.

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#12 of 27 Old 01-29-2002, 04:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I suppose thats the best thing to do, to tell them to scream or leave immediately. Maybe would be good to do some loud scream rehearsing together I think If something like that had happened to me in a restroom I might have petrified!
Im thinking so far ahead, ds is 24 months I hope that in the meantime family rooms will be all around the place.
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#13 of 27 Old 01-29-2002, 12:34 PM
 
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i remember reading a tip one time that if you are going to teach your child about screaming when in danger to make it a word/words to indicate he's in trouble - ie help, this isnt my parent etc

most people wont act on a child screaming when being carried off esp. at like a toy store etc. i'm sure we've all seen it happen and just presumed it was a parent/child conflict
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#14 of 27 Old 01-29-2002, 02:40 PM
 
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I have taught my son to scream THIS IS NOT MY DAD. The school teaches them to yell STRANGER STRANGER. Which is all well and good but I like many of you will be taking my sons into the bathroom with me until they can drive. And while we're at it, why can't municpal rec. centers and pools provide a small family locker room for those moms who like to take their sons swimming?? There is a sign right on our locker room saying no kids of opposite sex over the age of six. I guess they think a six year old is abe to fend for himself in a locker room? NOT. So we go in and use the bathroom stalll to get ready. I think Im going to write a letter to the editor right now!!

We have 240 registered sex offenders in our county...thanks to the presence of a halfway house and correctional facility. My sons will not be going unsupervised to the bathroom any time soon.
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#15 of 27 Old 01-29-2002, 02:55 PM
 
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I hear you on the locker room issue! We left our health club because of this issue. Even though my son is only 4 and a half, their cut off is only 5 years old. I told them that they had a problem on their hands because I have no intention of letting my child go in there alone-- not to mention the fact that he wouldn't, anyway.

Ha! And we supposedly live in a very " child friendly " town! My friends tell me that this is my " comfort level " as opposed to theirs. No, I think that it is the false belief that that kind of thing always happens to someone else.:

Let's start demanding this everywhere! Letter writing to demand family bathrooms! Yea!!!

maybe this should be brought up in the activism forum, too?
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#16 of 27 Old 01-29-2002, 03:54 PM
 
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Please moms, do not EVER let your son go into a men's room by himself. My dear friend is a prosecuting attorney for Detroit and he tells me about the terrible situations that occur in public restrooms. Highway rest areas are among the worse locations, but look at what Debra Baker said... a Wendy's, for crying out loud! That was probably a one or two person only restroom.

My sons are coming with me for a long while. Women's rooms have stalls... it's not like the boys are going to be seeing women in a state of undress or anything.

The risks are much lower in a woman's room, but if dad is out alone with his daughter he could ask a mommy to watch over his daughter as she goes into the women's restroom.
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#17 of 27 Old 01-29-2002, 06:02 PM
 
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Lojoma,

You are in IC, IA aren't you? I couldn't believe it when I went to the Rec Center for my volleyball league and saw that sign. I can't imaging sending a six year old boy all alone into a MENS, not boys locker room. I also think it is creepy that they decided to put the women's locker room clear down a long, slightly scary hallway with an easy escape door at the end. That video camera provides me with little assurance! Everytime I walk down that hall I think of all the episodes of Law and Order I have seen, and all the news stories of women who disappear only to be found raped and dead days or weeks later. My safety and the safety of my sons will always come first. Anyone who objects to me bringing my son into a women's rest room should relax. We are all behind closed doors.
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#18 of 27 Old 01-30-2002, 02:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good tips on screaming

I second writing letters demanding family bathrooms!

Its the way of the future!
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#19 of 27 Old 01-30-2002, 03:43 AM
 
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In Canada, at least here in Vancouver, there are family bathrooms or wheelchair accessible bathrooms almost everywhere we go. But definitely, ds does not go ANYWHERE without me. I'm too paranoid, My dad always says 'Safety First!'

Merebear, I know a family with 3 dd's and a very involved dad. When he was out with his dd's and they were in need of bathroom facilities, he'd knock loudly on the door and say very loudly 'I'm coming in with my dd's.' I don't think he encountered any nasty comments. His dd's are all teenagers now but I don't know many other daddies that would feel comfortable doing that.
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#20 of 27 Old 01-30-2002, 03:44 PM
 
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I am so glad to hear that we all feel the same way about protecting our children in regards to restrooms and locker rooms.

I spoke with my sister in DC and she told me that there are many family restrooms there.

Letter writing and demanding it everywhere that we go, I think is the future. Also, my husband just hates it that there usually aren't changing tables in the men's room, either.

But, also tell everyone that you know that have young children that you bring them with you. Maybe this will empower others to do the same!

Thankyou Luma for bringing this up
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#21 of 27 Old 01-30-2002, 04:42 PM
 
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I just wanted to point out that women's restrooms are not always safe. We had an awful experience in the women's room in Sears. A woman went into the stall next to us as we were coming out and began to masterbate, vocalizing loudly, saying exactly what she was doing to herself. I was trying to talk over her, ds was 3 at the time and didn't understand, but she just kept getting louder to talk over me. Finally, I gave up washing our hands and left. We didn't stay to report her because I was so freaked out. I am all for pleasuring yourself but this was a bathroom filled with women and children. It was obvious that she was doing it for the audience. I was disgusted.
I do let ds go into a male bathroom sometimes but I stand outside the door and carry on a conversation with him. It is embarrassing but too bad. Most of the time he goes in with me or dh.

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#22 of 27 Old 01-31-2002, 12:25 AM
 
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I am going to disagree with much of what has been said here. I think it is important to talk to our sons about their bodies and how they can protect themselves. Whenever my almost 8 y/o uses the mens room by himself, I am right outside the door. I think it is important to him that he be allowed to use the bathroom by himself at his age. I want to protect him, but I also want him not to be afraid to go to the bathroom. I want to warn him of the possible dangers in the world, but I don't want him to develop phobias or fears unnecessarily. Thirty years ago, a child being molested in a public restroom wouldn't have been discussed, let alone in the news. We hear about everything that happens and I think it makes us unreasonably fearful.
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#23 of 27 Old 01-31-2002, 10:14 AM
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Hey, Paula,

I live in Chester County as well. If you want, email me dbakes@erols.com

I agree with you in a sense and I *do* have my boys (ages 14, 9, 6) go to the bathroom alone. But I must confess I'm *frightned* that something as horrible as a molestation could happen in the *Wendeys* boys' room (we haven't been to *that* Wendeys but we go to the one in Exton and Paoli frequently enough (about six times/year we're not fast food's best customers LOL)

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#24 of 27 Old 01-31-2002, 12:18 PM
 
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I don't think anyone is wrong or right on this issue. I think we should each do what makes us comfortable and makes our children safe. My ds cannot play outside unless I am watching (I mean at our apartment in the city, not at the house in the country). He may think I am overprotective but he isn't filled with fear over this. I just told him that it is my job to see that he is safe and that if something did happen to him, I couldn't live with myself. If he had a strong personality, I wouldn't worry so much but he is a very obedient child and as many times as I have talked to him about strangers, he would still talk to them if they were adults. I would rather be overprotective and have him be sheltered, than not and deal with the unexpected. Two men attempted to snatch his best friend at our last apartment.
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#25 of 27 Old 01-31-2002, 06:29 PM
 
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#26 of 27 Old 01-31-2002, 07:08 PM
 
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Yes, my boys are 9 1/2 and almost 5 yrs. old. Both of them still go into the women restrooms with me if my dh isn't with us. I agree that there should be family restrooms. Much safer!!

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#27 of 27 Old 01-31-2002, 07:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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paula bear: Its true that theres fear transmited by the media, and is difficult to avoid it. We watch tv at nights when ds is asleep, mostly movies or nature shows and just by doing this we get information thats frightening. Even the nature shows are too violent for me sometimes. And news, well I just dont watch them, dh does.
How much of that fear is real? I dont know. I too dont want ds to grow up scared, and I dont want to be scared either.
For me it would be difficult to let him go alone to public restrooms when hes a bit older, that would make me nervous and maybe he would feel it, so I better do what Im going to feel calm with so he feels calm too!
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