tribe for large families/mamas of many kids? - Page 11 - Mothering Forums

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#301 of 419 Old 06-20-2007, 10:15 AM
 
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I've been asked if we have figured out how babies happen and I just say not a clue and then it's done.

As for the Duggers: I do believe she was on the pill then they had a child. She got back on the pill and got pregnant on it then had a miscarriage. They then blamed the pill for her miscarriage and shunned all forms of birth control. I don't believe they are having children to "build God's army". They do it because they love children. I do admire them for their stance. The only things I do not like is that they stop nursing at 6 months so she can regain her fertlity faster and they can have another baby. If they were really trying to follow God, they would allow her fertility to come back on it's own, when God decides she is ready. There are other things I disagree with, but, I'll stop here!

Mommy to ds12, dd11, ds8, ds6, dd4, ^dd^ HB Loss, and dd 1
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#302 of 419 Old 06-20-2007, 11:03 AM
 
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I am sure everyone here truly LOVES and wants their children!
there are many days I wished the Gypsies would come to my door and take a few off of me
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#303 of 419 Old 06-20-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Perhaps it is families like that that have been the reason that I have been accused of having 'trophy' children. I never really connected it before.
Oh I see. Like a, "Look what we can do, we can reproduce!"
I've honestly never thought that before. But it does take me back to my very snarky teenage days... something about when I was in 8th grade and this woman walked into the gym (basketball game) with 7 kids or so. I gave her the stink eye and said out loud, "My... THAT woman's fertile."

And that's when my teamate spoke up and said, "THAT's my MOTHER."

Foot firmly planted in facial orifice. Thankfully I am less judgmental and a lot more tactful now
But I think there are a lot of judgements still that say if you have more than two, you're doing something wrong or you don't use birth control (and not on purpose) or you have to be a religious fanatic.

We get SO many comments just having three! Now that we're on 4, I can only imagine.

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#304 of 419 Old 06-20-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommato5 View Post
As for the Duggers: I do believe she was on the pill then they had a child. She got back on the pill and got pregnant on it then had a miscarriage. They then blamed the pill for her miscarriage and shunned all forms of birth control. I don't believe they are having children to "build God's army". They do it because they love children. I do admire them for their stance.
I'll have to keep my eye out for where I saw these things. I believe the children were a burden I had actual heard in an interview, but the building god's army was in an article ... I thought it was supposed to be in an article on their site.

But no bigee! There are many things within the whole thing to admire and a few to cock an eyebrow at, no matter what

Not that it was our business at all... but now that it's all on TV, who can resist?

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#305 of 419 Old 06-20-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nata0742 View Post
there are many days I wished the Gypsies would come to my door and take a few off of me

I've offered one or two to friends before.

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#306 of 419 Old 06-21-2007, 11:37 AM
 
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I do offer a few to people at church and friends, lol. Only on days when they are really pushing either my buttons or their siblings buttons.

Mommy to ds12, dd11, ds8, ds6, dd4, ^dd^ HB Loss, and dd 1
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#307 of 419 Old 06-21-2007, 12:41 PM
 
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I've been asked if we have figured out how babies happen and I just say not a clue and then it's done.
That's really funny, it seems to be always old men that ask me that. I take it a step further and say "no, can you tell me?" Just to see them squirm!! lol
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#308 of 419 Old 06-21-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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Well shoot.. we've got three thus far, but we want lots more! I'm 29 so I think I've got lots of time, so make sure there's room for me here in a couple of years!
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#309 of 419 Old 06-21-2007, 07:01 PM
 
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Well shoot.. we've got three thus far, but we want lots more! I'm 29 so I think I've got lots of time, so make sure there's room for me here in a couple of years!

Awww!
I'm so stuck between being "done" and wanting more. Well, I know I WANT more, and would love to adopt, but I am not sure it's in the stars. I would also foster or foster to adopt someday.

Hubby has very valid concerns about money and time. We're in a VERY expensive area (and will not be leaving it for family reasons and the fact that our friends - support system- are here) and I don't know HOW we could fit more children in a tiny house, afford that big house, move to the country (where you need a minimum of 1 million dollars to buy), etc..

But also time-wise. Hubby is the soul bread winner who commutes quite a ways. It's all me at home. He worries more kids will take away from the kids we have and somehow, I fear the same. I am ragged running around now that the boys are really into sports, drama, dance, etc... and speaking of that, the COST to keep them in minimum activities they love is hard. We are in NO way over-booked! I am talking about the minimum here.

So anyway, I am baking #4 and trying not to think about the what ifs of less or more. i want to be happy and feel blessed with what I have and try not to regret anything.

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#310 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by GinaRae View Post
So anyway, I am baking #4 and trying not to think about the what ifs of less or more. i want to be happy and feel blessed with what I have and try not to regret anything.
That is me. For the first time in my life, I don't have 'baby-fever', yet I don't have the 'I don't want more' either. (Either one is a moot point for me as our fertility is left up to God.) But I am just happy to be blessed with what I have. Maybe it is because of my recent losses, But I am just living one day at a time with my children. Enjoying every second of each minute. I am driving my children crazy with my camera as I am taking hundreds of pictures all the time (my camera can hold 1,000 before I have to unload it). I take it with me to the library, to the park, in the back yard, to the grocery store. I snap shots just about every day. Sometimes they are eating, or watching TV, or playing, or singing, or just being silly. I don't want to miss a single thing. I don't want to forget a moment of time.

Life is so short. Things can change in a moment's time. Life circumstances can be drastically altered in the span of one breath. My DH and I both have learned over the last few years that now is the time to enjoy life. Do what you can. Be what you want to be. Don't wait until tomorrow. Don't wait until your dreams are realized. Don't live in the future, because you may not have one. Live every day as if it were your last, every minute as if you had no more. We do 'plan' for the future. We do have a 'vision' for our lives. But we live in the 'Now'.

So much is lost when you live for the future. When you 'yearn' for more children, when you 'desire' that bigger house, when you 'need' that newer car. So many times, in yearning, wanting, and needing, you don't remember that life is passing you by. I never want to miss one more moment in the lives of my children. I never want them to miss one more moment in my life.

If I were to leave them tomorrow, I would want them to be able to remember all the good times, all the things we did together, all the fun we had. No matter how simple to how complicated those times were. Nothing is guaranteed; not the lives of my children, my husband, or me. So all I can guarantee is this minute and doing the best I can in the here and now.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#311 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 02:54 AM
 
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Either one is a moot point for me as our fertility is left up to God
I'm so curious what you mean by this - and hope I'm not offending by asking?
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#312 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 03:03 AM
 
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Emily, I read it as this:
She neither desires nor rejects the idea of having more children and will be happy if she has more or does not, but regardless she does not feel the choice is truly hers because she has given her family size up to God. They do not use birth control nor do they actively try to conceive. The term used is Quiverfull.
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#313 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 03:17 AM
 
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I'm so curious what you mean by this - and hope I'm not offending by asking?
No offense taken. My DH and I believe that every child is a gift from God. And that He will only give us what He chooses. So we trust Him implicitly by not TRYING to get pg, neither are we trying to NOT get pg.

That said, I have always desired a dozen children (from the time I was 12) and that has never changed. However over the few years and our long journey, I have come to realize that I would be just as happy to just have the ones I already have.

So I am content to have only my six, just as I would be content to have six more (not at the same time though!)

We call ourselves QuiverFull, however, I find that many QF couples feel it necessary to TTC as many children as they can. We just don't believe that (and never have).

So, we act out our faith by NOT using birth-control, by choice, and NOT 'timing' things one way or another. We just do what comes natural, enjoying the bond of husband and wife with no worries of if I will become pg or not.

(And no, I am not Mormon or Catholic.) I do get asked that a lot. It is just a personal belief between my DH, myself, and our God.


You see. We trust God for every other aspect of our lives; our finances, our health, our home, our cars, our food. We could not very well take this one area back from Him and say we would not trust Him in that area. And to be quite frank, most of the arguments that are used for limiting the number of children you have are identical to the arguments used to justify abortion. And that is against our beliefs.

And to top it off, we feel that children are a blessing. And that each child is a unique individual. How could we choose to reject a child that was 'destined' to be ours. It is not delay-able. For each sperm and egg combo is unique and creates a unique life. If we choose to delay a baby, we could very likely be passing up a child that could have changed the world, and there are no second chances. Sure, you can have another one later, but it will never be the one you passed up. And I see the face of each and every one of my children and think of what would have been if we had stopped at two, or three, or five, or seven. I think of which of my children would I willingly forgo, and the answer is abundantly clear. Not a single one would I ever be willing to give up. And I don't want to bypass one I have not seen or held yet either.

Boy, I did not mean to write a book! I guess I am just very passionate about it (though I do not judge anyone else for their choices). There is a little saying that my e-mail group passes around all the time, it goes like this:

The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing.
In our culture we apply for a curse and reject a blessing.
Something is wrong with this picture.


I just love that saying. It speaks my heart.

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#314 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 03:20 AM
 
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Jenny, I am completely in total agreement with you, but minus the God part. I feel so comfortable with QF families even despite that (little, to me) difference.
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#315 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 12:06 PM
 
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I love your outlook on life!! It's beautiful and so true!!

I wish i could get my dh on board with the quiverfull stuff. I think it's awesome!!

I do know if we practiced it, I would have kids back to back, lol.

Mommy to ds12, dd11, ds8, ds6, dd4, ^dd^ HB Loss, and dd 1
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#316 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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I love it! I am not a religious person and hubby is planning a vasectomy, and that's OUR family's journey, but I love your outlook. It's refreshing and sweet to know families like yours. As you mentioned other QF families getting pregnant as often as possible and that leads my mind down the "god's army" route, whereas reading your post filled me with joy and reminds me of the passion I have for my kids. Sweet sweet sweet!

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#317 of 419 Old 06-22-2007, 06:35 PM
 
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here here Jenny! *clinks water glass with yours*
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#318 of 419 Old 06-23-2007, 04:25 PM
 
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There are other things I disagree with, but, I'll stop here!

I'd be curious to hear more.

Michelle: wife to J, mom to M (2001), E (2003), C (2005), S (2007) and O! (2009) And someone new in 2011!
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#319 of 419 Old 06-23-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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Can I join? I only have 4, not that that isn't enough! My kids are 15, 11, 6, and 2.5. The first 3 boys, then girl. When dh and I married 17 years ago we intended to have 2 or 3. After each ds I wanted another baby so desparately and dh really was content with a smaller family. I went through a major depression after ds2 b/c dh was done. I finally convinvced him to have one more (really long and really messed up story). I got pg right away and then had a miscarriage. Finally got pg again and had ds3. Of course i really wanted another babe (in all honesty in hopes of dd), but dh made me SWEAR I'd not ask for more. I had agreed that 3 was enough, but deep down I was so hurting and so wanted one more. Depression was setting in again and then...hooray, I was pg!! Dh was upset initially, but had great fun with the whole thing in the end. Dh has been snipped and burned so we won't be having anymore little surprises like the last one! And for the first time ever I FINALLY do not feel like I want another baby!!

If you can't take the heat get out of the Kitchen.
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#320 of 419 Old 06-23-2007, 08:03 PM
 
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Mamasgroovin, Welcome!

I love to see new faces in the tribe.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
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#321 of 419 Old 06-23-2007, 08:07 PM
 
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommato5
There are other things I disagree with, but, I'll stop here!
I'd be curious to hear more.
Me too.

I would love a discussion on that. It is very interesting to see where other people are coming from.

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#322 of 419 Old 06-23-2007, 08:14 PM
 
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Jenny, Thanks for your awesome statement on life, it is so true. That was a great statement!

Vicki- Homeschooling Mama to 4 girls
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#323 of 419 Old 06-24-2007, 11:31 AM
 
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Mind if I join in too?? I only have 3, but they are all a year apart, so I certainly am very busy! I was pregnant with #4, but it was ectopic and we just terminated last week. : Very sad.

All my real life friends only have singletons, so there is no one that really understands the joys and challenges of having more than 1.

Jenny : Mama to Irish Triplets: Haley Ella : Ronin
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#324 of 419 Old 06-24-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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CruchyMomto3, Welcome to the tribe!


Sorry about your recent loss.

I am glad you made it here. So much support from moms that have BTDT!

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#325 of 419 Old 06-24-2007, 11:46 AM
 
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CrunchyMomto3 ~ I'm sorry for your recent loss.
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#326 of 419 Old 06-24-2007, 04:27 PM
 
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Hi crunchymomto3! I just saw you sig on another page and noticed the ectopic date. So sorry for your recent loss.

You're right, moms of one don't understand, sometimes! But we were once there, too! Ds1 was soooooo easy, too. I remember thinking that being a mom is tough back then. HA!

Welcome!

If you can't take the heat get out of the Kitchen.
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#327 of 419 Old 07-04-2007, 12:23 AM
 
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Welcome and hugs for your loss.
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#328 of 419 Old 07-04-2007, 12:23 PM
 
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I'm preggers with number 5 due feb 2008 .....My ex had three kiddies who i raised they were with us full time so for 8 years have had a real tribe that was eventually 7 children...then i left and it was four......Still see the other children sometimes, they are nearly all grown up and far too busy :

Do you find sometimes that people treat you like your a bit weird for having had so many ????
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#329 of 419 Old 07-04-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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Abstar, welcome to the tribe.


Quote:
Do you find sometimes that people treat you like your a bit weird for having had so many?
ALL the time! :

I have very few people IRL that treat me as a person rather than an enigma. But I have gotten used to it over time.

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#330 of 419 Old 07-04-2007, 02:45 PM
 
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Do you find sometimes that people treat you like your a bit weird for having had so many ????

Absolutely. Especially in a place where the norm is 2 kids per family. It kind of bums me out that there is so much judgement. I guess I've got to learn to get used to it.

Ashley~certified nurse-midwife mama to 6 little novaxnocirc.gifhomebirth.jpglotbirth.gif loves, including sweet Cordelia Jane born at home waterbirth.jpgon 11/12/10.
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