So Sad about Impending Vasectomy . . . - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 04-01-2003, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
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Well, didn't know where to post this, and it is really just to get it off my chest.

We have a 4-1/2 year old boy and a 12 month old boy. My husband only wanted 1 child, but was willing to go for 2. I have very mixed feelings. For the past year, I have accepted that we were "done" and felt pretty good about that. Now I wonder . . .

The new baby is very easy--I had a great pregnancy & childbirth experience. Still, in some ways, it has been a rough year & I questions if I'd be able to go through this again somewhere down the road. On the other hand, when I picture DH coming out of the doctor's office & knowing that's it--I'll never have another baby, I just want to cry and cry. He says he feels a little sad, too, but I know he doesn't want more kids.

Sigh . . .
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#2 of 10 Old 04-01-2003, 06:09 PM
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My dh wanted two kids...I want four. We agreed upon three. Our third child is almost two months old. I did get dh to agree to wait and have it done no sooner than baby's 6mo birthday.

It's sad for me because I know all this stuff about being a parent now and feel so much more relaxed. It's like I SHOULD have more now. And seeing the older kids with the baby...they're so in love. I'd love to see them this way again and again, you know?

But I know this is it. I had a huge issue with that immediately after babe was born. I think it's right to mourn our fertility. It's not supposed to happen until it happens naturally to us.

One thing that does help..I get to have even more fun with my kids as they get older. The baseball games and swimming lessons and's fun for me as well as the kids. Once you've gotten over the surgery as much as you can, look forward and not back.

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#3 of 10 Old 04-01-2003, 06:24 PM
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DH had his done when Sam was a little over 2. He had a slightly painful recovery, but so far it has been a successful surgery. Aunt Flo has been a very faithful visitor.

The odd thing is that we decided one was it when he had it done. In October, about four months later, he said he was not so sure we had made the right decision. This came from the man who didn't want any children to start. Admittedly, I was a little surprised.

All I can say is, really make sure this is the right choice for you. The way dh's was done, this is absolutely totally irreversible. (Not that he would want to go through the reversal because of pain and the fact that we still might not be able to have another after doing the reversal if there was still enough for them to link together.) If it is the right choice, you could consider storing some of those little soldiers away in the bank. DH said that he wished he had done that. It really doesn't cost too much to store them.
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#4 of 10 Old 04-01-2003, 07:58 PM
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we're going through the same thing now. i have add who will be 3 at the end of this month and an almost 9 mo. i am so incredibly happy with the two of them, that in some ways i think ok, i am really lucky, just stay where we are. however, i am an admitted birth junkie and would love to have more kids.
my husband already cancelled his first vasectomy appointment. it just did not feel right at the time. our midwives said why not wait and see how we feel after the first year, so that is the plan for now......
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#5 of 10 Old 04-02-2003, 02:04 AM
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It made/makes me sad too. I can't force dh to accept another if he doesn't want one, but I was ready for that third. I'm sorry.
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#6 of 10 Old 04-02-2003, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
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Just when I thought it couldn't get any more difficult to accept, my sister called me last night to tell me she's pregnant.
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#7 of 10 Old 04-02-2003, 03:47 PM
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When were done having kids, my dh is getting one as well. I know I will be filled with a hollow empty feeling. Weve also done a he-wants-2-she-wants 4-lets-compromise-with-3 thing. My MIL even had the nerve to say, "WHat if he decides he wants to have children with someone else down the road?" SHeesh...

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#8 of 10 Old 04-02-2003, 05:51 PM
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It doesn't sound like either of you are 100 percent sure about this. Perhaps you should wait a year or so before making such a permanent move.
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#9 of 10 Old 04-03-2003, 10:13 AM
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Maybe you could get an IUD - supposedly they are a very reliable form of BC that lasts anywhere from 3-10 yrs depending on which one you get. That way, you wouldn't have to make a decision,

"We shape the clay into a pot but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want" Lao Tzu
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#10 of 10 Old 04-03-2003, 04:04 PM
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I second the suggestion to wait. You may just be under the influence of hormones right now (not that that is a Bad thing!) but it's important to make sure both of you really want this. There is no harm in waiting. Sometimes vasectomies are reversible but I wouldn't count on that.

We are planning to have one more child and then DH will get snipped. I'm sure I will mourn no more pregnancies, no more newborns, no more breastfeeding once the two are weaned...but like chellemarie said, I also look at the positive. I can start getting back into my old hobbies again that I gave up to be with my babies. The big one was horseback riding. I can't WAIT to teach my daughter to ride, and wouldn't it be lovely if she shared my passion for horses!!! We can go places and do things with older kids that babies aren't really cut out for. I see each stage of our children's life as something new and different. Not the same, but still enjoyable and fun. I look forward to all those stages, and know that at some point I'll have to say goodbye to the baby years. That's why I treasure them so much right now!

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