well... I'm not a mom myself yet, but I have definitely dealt with having to put down limits with my mom.
My parents got divorced about 3 years ago. It seemed very sudden at the time and all these things I didn't know about starting spilling out-- my dad was having an affair, etc. While it was certianly okay that my mom told why they we're getting a divorce, in the months to come she kept telling me all these horrible detials that really should have been saved for her therapist, not her daughter.
I knew she was blurring the boundaries and had my therapist confirm that for me, then I called her and did my best to explain that there were a lot of details she shouldn't be telling me and that I no longer wished to hear about x, y, and z. My mom and I have a pretty close relationship-- but boy did this tick her off! At first she seemed to understand, but in later conversations when she would start talking about off limits stuff and I would try and end that line of discussion, she'd get mad and say things like "well, I just don't know what i'm allowed
to talk to you about anymore." She even once told me that her therapist said that I was in denial of the fact that I was now caught in the middle of my parents divorce and that hearing painful details was unavoidable.
: I said "fine, I'll have my therapist call your therapist and they can duke it out over what appropriate mother daughter boundaries are and they can get back to us."
Luckily, my mom has a good sense of humor.
This is all to say that it's hard to lay down boundaries with moms when you're close, so I imagine it's even harder when you're not. My advice would be to figure out what exactly you want and lay it out for your mom and expect resistance. If you would prefer she stay in a hotel while she's visiting (which is TOTALLY understandable if you have a small place and a new baby), talk to her about that and try to make it about the fact that your place is small.
I would also *try* (I know it's hard) to tackle only one issue at a time, even if the issues are related. For ex, If you can, try and steer clear of the issue about you felling like she expects you to take care of her-- unless that's an issue you want to try and talk about-- In which case I suggest trying to talk about that first and in a seperate conversation.
OR-- if all the issues you mention in your post come up at once, just expect that it will probably take several messy conversations to work it out. And that your mom will probably protest or (like mine) try to make you feel guilty, but you need to stick to your guns for your own sake.
From what it sounds like, your mother's obliviosness to the distance in your relationship, will probably make it hard for you to ask her to stay elsewhere when she visits. However, I think it is probably better to hurt feelings now and talk now, than to let her stay with you and either resent her the whole time, or end up having a huge fight when you want to be enjoying your new baby.
Just my thoughts, take what you like and ignore the rest.