forced bra wearing?--updates pages 4 & 6 - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 03:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyMine
And it is pretty sad to be willing to self define yourself so limitedly. .
All right, I was that girl with purple hair, and it was not at all ever limiting. It was very freeing to be able to express myself. Not to mention the reality check I got in terms of other people and their ability to be kind or not. I was and am glad to have seen that early on. Now I have normal hair and I shave my legs etc.. but because I want to. Not because I feel like I will be harrassed if I don't.

and the whole, the girl will be labeled as a slut. Come on... Girls label other girls as sluts for soooooo many reasons. And many of them are not based at all in reality. Instead of raising our girls to conform to the patriarcal notion of womanhood, let's let them find their own path. And let them decide if they want to wear a bra or not.

I never wore one until my breasts got large during pg and I don't think I was damaged or sexually preyed upon. I think the issue here is the need for other women to be in line with your comfort zone, which apparently does not include free breasts.

Louise

eta that I read all of the posts now lol. should have done that first. I totally agree with the way the op is dealing with this. I am still a little shocked with the other side here. Wow, I would have thought that on a NFL site the reaction would be different.
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#122 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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You know, I got labeled as a narc when I switched from Catholic School to public because, after eleven years of wearing skirts, I wasn't comfortable wearing pants. Should I perhaps have dressed more provocatively to keep people from talking? I think it's ridiculous bordering on dangerous to teach our children that they are responsible for others thoughts.

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#123 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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I don't understand why people would particularly care that boys are having sexual thoughts about their daughter, especially since it's pretty inevitable regardless of what she wears and there's nothing you can do about it anyway. There's nothing wrong with having sexual thoughts about other people, finding some girl in your class attractive. She's probably having sexual thoughts about the boys too.
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#124 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 05:15 PM
 
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When I was 13, I was called into the principal's office for not wearing a bra. At first she said she was sending me home, then she relented and said I could stay until the school bus took me home, but beginning tomorrow I had to wear a bra. Then she very kindly asked me what was the problem; did I not have any clean bras? I was so completely ashamed and embarrassed by that point that I couldn't talk, so I nodded. She then proceeded to instruct me as to how to wash bras by hand and dry them so that I would have one to wear tomorrow.

I left the principal's office and went back to my classroom. Somehow all the kids new about it. The whole day long they whispered things in my ear, such as, "Did Danny take your bra?" (Danny was a very poor child who was picked on constantly by the other children), they passed notes to me, they looked at me and snickered. I spent the day with my head down, trying to stop crying, holding my books against my chest so no one could see my chest. It was by far the worst day of my life in school. It would have been better if I HAD been sent home.

My mother got really mad and called the principal and gave her a piece of her mind about me not needing to wear a bra and it wasn't the school's business, etc.

It didn't help me. What would have helped me was for my mother to help me find shirts that were thick enough you couldn't tell I wasn't wearing a bra, or some undershirts, or even try to find a comfortable bra for me. I still had to go back to school. I still had to face those kids, who I imagined were looking at my chest every day from that time on to see if I was wearing something or not. I was terrified in gym class to change my clothes because we didn't have private dressing rooms.

I don't know why I'm telling this. I'm certainly not in favor of forcing any child to wear something they are uncomfortable wearing. I guess I worry that other students, and teachers, can be cruel, and passive-aggressive, and make a child's school experience miserable even though the parent of that child is in the right and rightfully stood up for their child.
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#125 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 05:42 PM
 
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Sooooo.....are we thinking that if girls wear bras, boys won't have sexual thoughts?
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#126 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 05:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie
When I was 13, I was called into the principal's office for not wearing a bra. At first she said she was sending me home, then she relented and said I could stay until the school bus took me home, but beginning tomorrow I had to wear a bra. Then she very kindly asked me what was the problem; did I not have any clean bras? I was so completely ashamed and embarrassed by that point that I couldn't talk, so I nodded. She then proceeded to instruct me as to how to wash bras by hand and dry them so that I would have one to wear tomorrow.

I left the principal's office and went back to my classroom. Somehow all the kids new about it. The whole day long they whispered things in my ear, such as, "Did Danny take your bra?" (Danny was a very poor child who was picked on constantly by the other children), they passed notes to me, they looked at me and snickered. I spent the day with my head down, trying to stop crying, holding my books against my chest so no one could see my chest. It was by far the worst day of my life in school. It would have been better if I HAD been sent home.

My mother got really mad and called the principal and gave her a piece of her mind about me not needing to wear a bra and it wasn't the school's business, etc.

It didn't help me. What would have helped me was for my mother to help me find shirts that were thick enough you couldn't tell I wasn't wearing a bra, or some undershirts, or even try to find a comfortable bra for me. I still had to go back to school. I still had to face those kids, who I imagined were looking at my chest every day from that time on to see if I was wearing something or not. I was terrified in gym class to change my clothes because we didn't have private dressing rooms.

I don't know why I'm telling this. I'm certainly not in favor of forcing any child to wear something they are uncomfortable wearing. I guess I worry that other students, and teachers, can be cruel, and passive-aggressive, and make a child's school experience miserable even though the parent of that child is in the right and rightfully stood up for their child.
You poor baby!
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#127 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 06:02 PM
 
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BC!! That's aweful! School can be *SO* hard on pre-teens.
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#128 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 06:14 PM
 
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not caught up with all the posts, but "we" haven't worn a bra since we found the webpage

www.007b.com

and "we" work in a conservative office where "proper undergarments are required." "We" wear jackets over all of our blouses now and "we" are EVER so much more comfortable. Our nipples are quite erect, too these days.

BellinghamC - what an awful story. I'm so sorry for you. That's a terrible thing to have happened.


To the OP, you sound like a GREAT mom. You've handled it really well.

I'd like to think I'd be encouraging my DD to do some of her own research on the history of bras, undergarments and forcing women to conform to different image ideals (see The Body Project - book and website) but as my DD is only 3, I don't really know what I'd do in your situation. Have we told you enough what a great mom you are?

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#129 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 06:18 PM
 
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I haven't read anything but the OP and one update (it was all I could find)

I just had to throw my 2 pennies in the pot.

It is IMO none of the teacher's business. She has hang ups with boobs.
I think if more people saw boobs giggle- THE WAY THEY JUST DO- we might have an easier time accepting BF as adults.

To the teacher: WOMEN HAVE BOOBS! THEY JIGGLE. THEY SWAY. THEY POKE OUT. GET OVER IT!

I get so mad.

When I went to midwifery school we talked about bras and the hangups that people have about "seeing" free breasts. We all agreed that it's silly. Fast forward a few months. We received a dress code from the school saying that we need to all wear bras. I WAS
We were also told to keep our legs covered or shaved.
UM! I'm sorry, but if a midwife can't be comfortable with the human body in it's true form how can we expect women to trust their bodies are normal.

I would be tempted to meet with the teacher (without a bra on myself) and say- I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable with the sight of natural development and breasts. We don't accept the American cultural fear of breasts. If my daughter becomes uncomfortable not wearing a bra she may choose to wear one.

Not wearing a bra isn't a matter of hygiene or decency.

This is just me.
I had to rant or I would die.
I do think you handled things well.

I LOVE the website www.007b.com
IT ROCKS

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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#130 of 130 Old 09-14-2006, 06:46 PM
 
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"we" haven't worn a bra since "we" became pregnant with dd last year. "We" worked part-time at a conservative office also where appropriate undergarments was specified in the dress code until dd was 5 months old. "We" always wore (and still wear) spaghetti strap tanks (withOUT built in bras) under "our" shirts

BC - that's terrible! So many reasons to homeschool...

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
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