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Old 04-04-2003, 04:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone else feel weird, guilty, bad, less-than-comfortable when putting on makeup in front of their daugther??
Dd is only 8 mos. old and I have her in a sling sometimes in the morning while getting ready to go to work. I wear minimal makeup but makeup nonetheless... I feel like I'm sending such a bad message. I want dd to grow up knowing that she's beautiful naturally and here I am covering my face... I remember my own mother putting makeup on in the morning and just assuming that when I got to a certain age that is what I would do as well. I never even guessed that not all adult women wore makeup. (off topic.... I remember her looking happy putting makeup on because she would smile to get the blush on her cheekbones and I was too young to know about fake smiles...)
Soooo.... do I quit wearing makeup? (I don't think I can stand it... if I had perfect skin, no problem, but I like to cover the zits when they rear up). Do I not let her see me putting on makeup? (Seems pretty hypocritical to me AND dishonest) or what??
My dh prefers I not put any makeup on so on weekends I'm pretty natural but I basically lack the self confidence to go to work without at least SOME on. Any thoughts?:
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Old 04-04-2003, 05:30 PM
 
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I don't have girls, two boys, but I think if there is a balance between when you wear makeup and when you don't it isn't a big deal. I would hate to think that my kids didn't think I was comfortable leaving the house without it. I think that wearing it for work to look more professional is normal, and for your daughter to know that is fine. As long as she sees you take it off sometimes when you get home, or sees you without it on the weekends, she will grow up with a healthy idea of what makeup is for.

My dh would rather I not wear it too.
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Old 04-04-2003, 05:58 PM
 
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I don't really have an answer for you, but I have had the same thoughts. My dd is six months old, and she sees me putting on my make-up every morning. I certainly don't overdo it, either, but I often wonder how I'll answer her someday when she asks, "Mommy, why do you wear make-up?" I've been trying to come up with a good answer that won't make her think women have to wear it to look good, or that I think I NEED it. That's a tough one... On the other hand, I don't remember it being a big deal when my mom put on make-up. I'll have to ask her sometime what she told me about it when I was young....
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Old 04-04-2003, 07:25 PM
 
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As a mom who LOVES make-up and has an 8yr old dd, I just play it off as something I really enjoy. Not something I feel like I have to do in order to look "pretty." I wear make-up as an expression of who I am inside. Lots of sparkles and shine!

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Old 04-04-2003, 07:50 PM
 
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All I wear is eyeliner and occasionally mascara, but I will tell my daughter simply that I like the way I look when I wear it. I mean that is after all why I style my hair the way I do, pick the clothes that I wear, because I like the way I look and how it makes me feel. It is an "everything in moderation" topic for me. A little bit won't kill you and judicious use has a place in your life. What you need to do is figure out just why you wear make up when you do and explain it honestly to your daughter, and if it is..."I don't like my blemishes, so I cover them - it makes me feel better" then so be it. Better than you being secretive, dishonest and feeling guilty. There are a lot of other ways to convey your values about natural beauty and genuiness of self to your children.
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Old 04-04-2003, 08:43 PM
 
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i don't know if this helps, but i have the exact opposite worry! i never wear makeup (no time, my peasant stock gives me a very reddish complexion and foundation/blush never seems to look natural on me, and perhaps some feeling of who exactly am i dressing up for? dh doesn't like the look of makeup either). so i worry sometimes that dd is going to grow up without any idea of how to be more traditionally feminine (i think my worry tells me something about why i'm not wearing makeup -- maybe that i don't feel pretty/sexy right now and i'm worried she won't feel pretty when she grows up. which parallels in a way your worry, interestingly...) i've actually told myself before that i have to start wearing makeup from time to time, when she gets older...

don't know if that sheds any light on the discussion whatsoever, but thought i'd toss it out,
warmly,
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Old 04-04-2003, 09:51 PM
 
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It is just a dress up thing around here. just they like to dress up and wear fancy clothes and do thier hair fancy sometimes I like to wear makeup to make me look fancy. Another way is to compare it to nail polish. While your toes are still cute without it opink toes are just nice sometimes. I think it helps though that I only ocaisionally wear make up.

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Old 04-04-2003, 10:50 PM
 
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I love makeup, am a certified product junkie! i do wear it for work, yes, but on my days off, it depends on how much time i have. and i have an almost 16 yr old daughter who wears nothing but lipgloss and her hair in a ponytail or bun. i guess my product addiction and years of makeup and curling my eyelashes has yet to influence her. she could care less.
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Old 04-04-2003, 11:10 PM
 
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What's makeup?
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Old 04-04-2003, 11:23 PM
 
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I don't wear it myself but a friend of mine should make you feel better:
She would wake up at some stupid hour (like 4am) to put her make up on before her boyfriend woke up and saw her "naked". She'd climb back into bed when her face was on perfectly, just in time for his alarm to go off..........
I never did "get" that??????

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Old 04-05-2003, 01:49 AM
 
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OK, that is just WRONG... :

I think it can be seen as the same thing as high heels, or suit jackets, or other "professional" accoutrements. I am a SAHM but am on several committees that require me to get out my professional clothes, I usually put on some perfume, etc. (I pretty much never wear makeup, though, and if I do, it's just lipstick applied in the car when I get there.) But my dd has picked up on the difference -- the clothes, the shoes, the earrings, the perfume -- and will now say "Hey, where are you going?" well before I actually leave.

I think makeup can be part of the same thing -- something grownups do to look professional. No biggie.
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Old 04-06-2003, 12:01 PM
 
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If I change out of my pajamas my family says, "hey, where are you going".

When I was growing up my mom wore TONS of makeup and spent hours on her hair(blow drying, curling iron, lots of hairspray), she spent lots of money on nice clothes, shoes, jewlery. And I went through a phase where I did the same thing, but it just didn't feel right to me. I remember thinking so many times "my mom is so beautiful, what is she trying to hide?". Now, I hardly ever where makeup but simply because its too much trouble and really I could care less.
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Old 04-06-2003, 04:16 PM
 
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I really don't think that it's the makeup itself, but your relationship to it, if that makes sense.

My mom was obsessed about appearance when I was growing up. She'd never leave her room without her makeup and clouds of hairspray, she would tell me that I should start wearing it if I wanted to look presentable (starting from when I was 14), constantly picked me over for skin blemishes, ect. I guess it's not too surprising that I don't wear it and never did. For a long time I was extremely disparaging of makeup, but now I realize that it was her own internal unhappiness (that affected many other aspects of our life together too).

I know PLENTY of women who grew up with positive associations (or neutral ones) of their moms and makeup...it was something mom did to freshen up or make herself feel a little "pretty-boost" before going out, it was something she did before going to work, they had a good time watching her or chatting with her while she put it on, ect.

Just because you put on makeup does NOT mean that it's negative, it's all in how you relate to it. It sounds like you are just fine with yourself, you don't "need" it. Everyone has their likes/dislikes/quirks/boosts...it's healthy for your daughter to see you doing something that you like to do! She'll make her own decision about it when she's older.
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Old 04-06-2003, 08:05 PM
 
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If you have certain clothes you would wear for family pictures or going to church or to a friend's wedding, you're doing the same thing with your body that you do with your face with makeup.

I think natural faces are so beautiful. Unless you've got skin like mine. I have a clear complextion, but my skin is very fair and I pretty much look like a corpse without makeup. People don't believe me until they see me without it. I don't wear much and it's not worn like spackle, but without a little, I do look a bit...well, dead.

I tell my son not to wear those pants to school anymore and when he wore is "outside" shoes to visit family this weekend, I wanted to scream, "we're not slobs". We want to do the best for our kids and for ourselves...wanting to look and feel our best isn't a terrible thing, imo.

But my dd sees me without makeup often and when she says she has to wear this or that to be pretty, I make her look at herself in the mirror and tell her she's gorgeous just like that.
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Old 04-06-2003, 10:03 PM
 
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for me i *ONLY* wear makeup *IN* the house..and NEVER ever ever wear it out if anyone can see me; then again i dont wear my 'regular' clothes outside either..i wear my long headscarf(to my waist) and a long overcoat/dress as part of my faith

so hopefully my daughter (if i have one) will do the same..i only wear it for my husband at home or if i go to a girlfriends house for a get-together and there are *only* females there, then i wear it and put a veil over my face while i'm out and take it off when i get inside...

so my situation is very different from all of yours thought this might cause some confusion and get u girls thinking.lol

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Old 04-07-2003, 03:01 AM
 
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I want dd to grow up knowing that she's beautiful naturally and here I am covering my face...
You can have both - be naturally beautiful and still choose makeup for fun or to enhance stuff.

My mom never wore makeup, no hair stuff other than shampoo, no nothing! I started wearing nail polish to school when I was 10, eyeliner at age 11, and a full (and quite garish) face when I was 12. I look at pictures of me at age 13 on family camping trips and shudder - all of the pictures are of me putting on makeup! All this teal eyeshadow, fuschia cheeks and lips...yikes! And the worst thing is, I couldn't just stick with one shade of shadow - I usually went with teal, purple and pink.

I also crimped my hair a lot.

Fortunately now I wear minimal makeup, no nail polish, and don't do much with my hair. I don't feel that I'm being a traitor to feminism or a bad role model; I think there's more to that than makeup. I think I've got so much good stuff to pass on that some of it is bound to rub off and will be there whether or not dd chooses to wear makeup.
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Old 04-07-2003, 10:41 AM
 
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Ha. I had a crimper that had interchangeable plates. A regular crimp, a wavy crimp and a flat iron. I think there might have been a zig-zag plate, too.

I thought I was GORGEOUS. We should have hung out and been gorgeous and fabulous together, GB.
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Old 04-07-2003, 04:38 PM
 
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Yeah, that's the bad part. I thought I looked really good. I also cut my own hair a lot, and wore spandex.

My nails were usually painted dark pink with light pink spots and sliver sparkles. :
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Old 04-07-2003, 11:16 PM
 
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i rarely wear make up. i hardly do my hair. usually i look like you-know-what. i hate it. i hate looking gross, but i just feel i only have time for my kids and half the time i don't even think about myself until i catch a glimpse in the mirror of a public bathroom and i'm just like ugh!

otoh, my mil and sil are of the "don't go out of the house w/out their face on" ilk and i think it's cute that they play make-up w/my girls but i don't want that to rub off on my girls either.

i think like everything - it's the in moderation - happy medium - that will be best.

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