I have a friend who is due in a week and a half who is *hoping* to be pregnant sometime between July and October (at the latest). I think she is crazy for planning them so close together.
My daughters are 2.5 years apart which I think is great. I think a space of about 2 - 3 years is nice. I am probably biased though because my siblings and myself are all spaced about that. lol
However, having said that, I also don't like the idea of having more than 2 under the age of 5. So, even though I'd like to have 2 more (if things work out), I will wait till my youngest is 4 to think about trying and then would hope to have another one 2.5 years after that.
That's my plan in theory and who knows what life holds in store!
Anyone else's thoughts?
Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven. PROUD to be a Catholic! :
Ds was/is a high needs child and I think if we had them closer, he would not have adjusted as well as he did.
I would love to have another, much closer in age to dd. But, alas, dh cannot be convinced.
that said, if i got pregnant right now (ds is 5 months old) i would be very disappointed. i think that i'd have to work extra hard and probably be medicated not to take that disappointment out on my kids, but i would find a way to do it without making dc #2 feel like a mistake. *sigh* i'm working very hard to not be put in that position.
I am the oldest and closest to the one 14 years younger, if he is going to call and talk to someone it is me, and when he gets a little older (he is 10 right now) I am sure that I will confide more in him. The same with the other two, they are 16 years apart and very close, when my brother started dating his girlfriend 4 or 5 years ago she became very friendly with the youngest. A couple years later she told us it was because she knew that if Beth (my baby sister) didn't like her she wasn't going to be around for very long. I always felt it was kind of like Little Women, how the 2 older girls were close to one of the 2 younger girls.
But none of us are particularly close to the sibing near in age to us. I am not close to my brother who is 11 months younger. I don't even know his phone number and haven't talked or seen him since last October. Its not that we hate each other, I'll be back in town in June and see him and he'll be glad to see us, we just don't really have anything to say to each other.
So I vote for more than 10 years
I don't think there is one "ideal" that will fit ALL families as far as spacing goes!
Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan age8, Ava age 4 and baby Georgia (6/3/11).
But I know for some moms and kids different spacing is better.
My son will be 4 years old when the next little one arrives..... I really wanted my kids a little closer in age. My sisters girls are 4 years apart, and she says it has worked wonderfully for them.
And for your friend, is she planning on nursing? Doesn't she remember the sore nipples? Just as she is getting the hang of it again she would be getting the first trimester sore nipples.
In my family (growing up) we were four years apart (me, 4 years later my sister, 4 years later my brother) and it worked out so well. We played, were very close, not much sibling rivalry, etc. And you don't have to pay for more than one college education at a time! I liked the fact that my siblings and I didn't have to compete for the same things - spots on sports teams, chairs in band, homecoming court, friends, boyfriends, whatever. I know winning and losing is something everyone must learn but it was nice not to have to compete with them.
I think the spacing of your own family (growing up) and your perception of it as good or bad makes the majority of many people's decisions on how to space their own kids.
Dd1 and dd2 are four years apart - just like my sister and me. But then we screwed up our four year plan (boy did we surprise everyone) by expecting #3 when dd2 is only 2 and 3/4 years old. We'll see how that goes.... But during childhood I was much closer to my sister (not sure if it was that we were both girls or that 8 years apart was a lot - between my brother and me) but now I am very close to both of them. I just feel that my sister and I had more of a shared childhood. By the time my brother was running around and talking, I was really into my friends and going out of the house to ride bikes or go swimming or stuff that he was too little to do.
I also think that spacing kids four years apart is easier on the parents - emotionally, physically, financially. I understand that parents of closely spaced kids have it harder early on but that they say it is easier after that. Maybe so. I myself liked having the time in between kids to sleep, not change diapers, have the freedom of going out while dd was with a sitter. I adore the baby stage but it is challenging and I don't know that I personally could do it year after year after year if I spaced my kids closely. I also think that for me I would have a hard time perceiving it as fair to the child - I like having the individual time with the first one - then when the first one is in school, you have individual time with the second one.
There are lots of variables to consider....
The only exception in our family was when my mom miscarried. So, there are two that are nearly 4 years apart and the do are not close, at all. Right now one is almost 13 and the other just turned 9. They really don't get along. That 9 year old, however, is only just over 2 years older than the baby (6 year old) and from birth they have been the best of friends. The always want to be together, they get along better than I have ever seen children get along!
This is just how the children came in our family, and it worked out wonderfully. It was just natural. Taking in consideration of extended breastfeeding, family bed, etc. Soon after my mother's fertility returned, and in some cases before she new it did, she got pregnant, and that naturally spaced her children!
I've seen this work in many cases. I know some people who's fertility returned earlier, and their children are spaced closer and it works great for them. When things are done naturally they will work out beatifully.
All of that said, I've found that children that are close friends and spaced close together. I think 2.5 it pretty good (it's what I'm shooting for!)
My 3 year old is a feisty, spirited child and is still nursing - the thought of having had a baby before now makes me think I would have had a hard time. I always thought I would like kids about 2-3 years apart, but my body (and my baby) weren't ready.
My siblings and I were VERY close (3 in 3 years) and that wasn't really so great growing up and we are only semi-close now. I'm close to my sister who is 4 years younger than me.
WOHM married to SAHD, living the dream w/our: 3 girls (14,12,10) and 3 boys (7,5,3) and tie-breaker due Jan 2014
This is Soleil's last summer as our only child, and I've planned a million adventures, that I hope she'll never forget!!!! (a mothering convention one of them if possible!!!)
I think 3 years will be ideal for our family. For one thing, Chase has always needed lots and lots of one-on-one attention, so I don't know that I could conceivably even take care of him & another baby while he is still this young. Secondly, I like the idea of them being in different stages in school -- for example, it will be nice not to have to pay for two proms in one year...things like that. Yet they will be close enough in age that they can still relate to one another and find common interests, hopefully. (My sister and I are 6 years apart and totally did not understand each other growing up, although we are very close these days.)
We are planning on having 3-4 children and want to be done by 30 (we are both 20 now), so the 3rd and 4th may have to be a little closer in age )