i feel compelled to write a little about my experiences with this subject, incase there is a mama out there in shoes that feel somewhat like mine did..
while i was pregnant with my boy (my first) i read a lot of books, and quickly realized that AP was the only way to go.. i started filtering people out of my life who i knew weren't going to fit in with my shifting lifestyle (i was 20, and most of my friends, tho nice people, were into partying frequently, etc..) and focusing on the baby inside of me.. (i was also single)
well he had a really difficult birth, and few days after (my heart still sinks to the floor when i remember
), and consequently was a *very* high needs baby. he screamed/cried all the time, i mean all the time.. even in his sleep he moaned and grunted in ways that frightened me and kept me awake.. this went on for a year (diminishing gradually as he learned how to crawl and walk). and since i started out so staunchly AP and with the belief that he NEEDED me so badly (i had to carry him all the time, and couldn't imagine that anyone else would want to carry him that much, and his cries would've haunted me anyway), i never allowed anyone else into our lives to help. also, at the time, i was visiting a very pro-AP site (they even used the words militant to describe themselves), on which everyone seemed to be able to handle APing their little ones so flawlessly, and made anyone who didn't feel terrible. so the thot never really crossed my mind to let anyone help me, because that wouldn't have been "AP"- and so, i would have failed my son and myself..
well.. as a result of carrying him so much/never resting, and this way of thinking, i got a disease called fibromyalgia.. which is never-ending muscle pain and fatigue.
now, obviously i was living my own version of AP, and had taken it out of its intended context somewhat. but incase there are any other single mamas reading this, or mamas who are having a REALLY hard time of it, and feeling guilty for wanting others to share in the load, i advise you to allow others to help you. i'm pregnant and single again, doubting the father will come around to share in his responsibility, and tho it's unlikely this baby will be that intense, i already have it in my mind that i will accept any help that comes to me (if it's from a trustworthy source, of course), and if that means i NEED to go on a 20 minute walk, then i will do it! um.. maybe