My daughter will be 4 in May, and we had a family bed up until she was about 2, then hubby moved out and she and I slept together until last summer. She got her own bed, a double so I could lie with her if needed, and we put the baby monitor in her room and the receiver in ours so she could call to us at night if she needed to. I would nurse her to sleep and sometimes nurse her during the night, but she weaned completely in Feb. I still go in and lie with her every night at bedtime.
So my experience is different, but the problem I've had even when she was a baby and I was trying to put her to bed first was that it just seemed to take so long. Sometimes we go up to bed and it takes a very long time for her to fall asleep. She will get very animated and talk to me about things--I read her stories first, but then once the lights are out we talk about dreams and such. Sometimes I get up and tell her I'm going to put my pj's on or brush my teeth, but I will come back. Often when I come back she is asleep. A few times I've told her that I will stay for a set number of songs (she listens to a CD every night) and then will have to leave even if she isn't asleep. Then I tell her that if she puts her head down on the pillow to rest like she is going to sleep, she will be asleep before I leave. There have been a few times where I've left before she was asleep, and she seemed to be fine with it. Lately she's been going to bed at 10 or later, though, and I find this schedule harder.
Last night she wanted to turn her closet light on so she could "read" her book. I told her she could do that, but I was going to go back downstairs and she could call me when she was done. So she did, and I said I'd be right up. Well, I ended up lingering a bit shutting down my computer and all, and by the time I got up a few minutes later, she was sound asleep. I do think that when she has a little quiet time without me there, she goes to sleep faster.
Maybe you can tell her that you will lie with her for a little while before she goes to sleep, and then stay a set period of time. Or you can offer to come and check on her before you go to bed for the night. Or if she needs you to come to her, she can call out you. I can't really think of anything else.