My ds1 will be 3 in a couple of weeks. My ds2 will be 1 in a couple of months.
I am having a nightmare of a time with ds1. I can't really say it got worse when ds2 came along, it's just been getting worse for a LONG time. I really believe in GD and AP but I can't seem to make it work for him. I always had this dream of the perfect *hippie* family. Just hanging out all the time, babies rolling around on the floor with me, snugglie, going on field trips, showing them everything, you know, the works. It's not like that though. I feel like I prepared my ds1 right. We still cosleep, I wore him in the sling constantly until he wanted to be down a lot (after he started walking he didn't go into it much) I've always tried to be pretty child led in what I do. I'm pretty flexible and my kids can experiment and do MANY things that other moms in my area have a fit about. I don't know why my ds1 is such a monster. Don't get me wrong, he can be very nice and he has his good points--he is awesome at sharing! He always has been. If someone asks him for it he will give away the last bite of cookie. (Don't take anything without asking though *ouch*) Anyway, he just has his HORRIBLE moments and lately they've just been turning into bad whole days/weeks. Instead of being good with bad spots, he's bad with fewer and fewer good spots.
It's gotten to where last night I probably screamed at him for a good 2 hours before I got him to go to sleep and I totally cut out his nursings because I can't stand to be around him. Last night I told him that if he can't be good then I won't either and I won't let him have any more nursies. When he could start behaving then I would think about letting him have nursies/do things he wants to do.
Here's some examples:
He constantly throws things--since about 6 months old I've tried everything I can think of to get him to stop. Just yesterday we were playing at a kid place and he was building with blocks by himself and just chucks a pretty big block at a little girl just sitting the the play basinet. For absolutely no reason that I could see. When I'm shopping I can't keep food in the cart. I can't keep his shoes from becoming projectiles. I have been just picking them up/making him pick them up when I can. It's getting really old, picking up my groceries off the floor and trying to catch them before they hit someone with the 10 month old in the sling. Tonight he was throwing his spaghetti. 1 strand at a time like 5 times. Then he got up and ran to the living room laughing like *what are you going to do to me now?* Then my husband made him come back and sit at the table (mind you he hasn't eaten anything yet and he likes spaghetti for the most part(he doesn't like food unless it's junk)) He throws his bowl. I tell him he has to come and clean it up so he comes and acts like he's going to clean it up then he throws it again.So tonight he went to sleep with no supper and he kept crying for nursies. I reminded him that he couldn't have them if he couldn't behave. I was sorry that he was hungry. His spaghetti was in the floor. I almost didn't even feel sorry for him.
He pours out everything--It's not that he spills things, he has pretty good control for a 3 year old. He pours. I think he does it to make me mad. He gets a drink of my water bottle, after he's done out it goes. He pours his food out of the bowl at just about every meal. He usually just slowly pours it onto the table then smears is around until it's all over the floor. That is when I can keep him at the table long enough to get that far. He poured a whole glass of grape juice on the carpet like 2 days ago. I can't get one mess cleaned up before he's made another one.
He won't listen to me at all unless I'm screaming. It makes me wonder if he really can't hear me. I know he can hear just fine. Just not me.
We go out to eat a lot, my husband would rather take us out to eat than watch at least 1 kid so I can cook. I would say that half the time he pours a drink in the floor. Everytime we struggle to get him to sit at the table as opposed to climbing on the table, running out the door, running to the buffet and grabbing food to throw in the floor, throwing his food on the floor. He almost never eats more than a couple of bites.
I've tried explaining things to him et nauseam. I've tried time outs. (I've tried spanking) My husband tried alternatives like putting his face in the grape juice on the floor like you do a dog. Nothing changes anything.
I know he's smart. I know he understands what he's expected to do. I say things like You know you're not supposed to do that and he replies I don't know. I say Did you hear me he says I not hear you.
He can be playing really nicely and then all of a sudden just mess it up with some meanness. Throwing, pushing, running into the road, pushing the cart at walmart like a big boy then just push it straight for a car and laugh, be painting and dump the paint on the floor and laugh, be helping his brother walk with the push toy then jerk it out from under him. It's like he knows he's not supposed to and he knows he's going to get into trouble, he just can't help himself and he has to do it anyway. I think that sometimes he just needs the violent attention of my wrath. I've tried a LOT of positive reinforcement but it just can't carry the same level of emotion as anger. I just don't get it
I'm ready to give him up for lost. I have no idea why he acts this way. It's not like I don't play with him. I play all the time. When I do my chores I try to get him to help. I'm constantly interacting with him (I feel to the neglect of ds2)
Any ideas? The longer it goes on the more guilty I feel about not letting him nurse... It was easy last night to not let him nurse because I was sooo mad at him. Tonight it's going to be harder when he wakes up crying for it.
Do all the other moms with kids like him just not go and do things? Or do you think there could really be something wrong with him?