Ugh! Here comes Santa Claus. - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-03-2006, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe I am the only person who just detests the whole myth, the man, everything about him. : The only reason I keep it up is because it is so important to everyone in my family: my parents, my dh, dh's family, and especially to ds1, to *everyone* but me.

I am just so exhausted this year trying to keep up the sham. Ds1 is now 8 and of course the kids at school have told him the truth and he doesn't believe them, because "well Grandma wouldn't lie to me." ARGH!!!!!! I have already messed up twice this year on big things saying things like "Oh, I remember when I gave you that." Insert look of horror and ds1 saying "but, Santa brought me that for Xmas!" This is going to end badly I am sure.

Well, I guess this is more of a rant than anything else. Any other Scrooges out there that just don't find Santa to be necessary or fun?
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Old 12-03-2006, 06:50 PM
 
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I do not at all care for telling children that "Santa is a real, magical man that will bring gifts to our house on Christmas night." It bugs me. I am uncomfortable with the lie. I am well aware that many many people do not consider it to actually be a lie, but IMO, unless you believe that a being/man will appear in your home and leave gifts you had nothing to do with buying...it's a lie. Wierds me right the out. Your son's comment about how "Grandma wouldn't lie to me." is exactly why.

All that being said, I've got no issue personally with the myths and story of Santa when they are approached as just that: myths and stories. I told the kids about how Santa came to be over the years, what cultures have contributed to the myth, etc. I think that the character of Santa is generosity and kindness. I can totally get behind those ideas. Celebrating Santa can be as easy as reading different stories about him, still giggling as you sign presents as being "from Santa" even though everyone knows that they aren't, and practicing giving to those around us in mindful ways. Lying need not have any part of it.

I think if you are really bothered by this you have a right to make a change.

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Old 12-03-2006, 06:54 PM
 
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I'm going to tell my dd the truth about Santa. Her grandparents are pretty horrified by it. We spend Christmas at her grandparents' so if she wants to pretend that's fine with me, but she will definitely know that it is make believe.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:00 PM
 
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I do Santa. But, once my kids get to the point of asking me about it, I'll tell them the truth, as I did with ds1. It's already upsetting you and your ds...time to fess up, I think - and tell "grandma" (don't know if that's your mom or MIL) that he knows now.

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Old 12-03-2006, 07:02 PM
 
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My ds is five, and so far he has done well with knowing that Santa is just a "character", as we put it to him. He understands what Santa does, but in his mind it's just a story from a book or movie.

People often say "I want my dc to experience the magic of Santa just like I did as a kid." I have seen my ds year after year experience the magic of Christmas without Santa. Now my dd is 2 and she is just as excited about Christmas. They begged us to put up the tree today. Dd shrieks in the back seat "Kissmas lights!" when she sees them. It's going to be a really fun Christmas with a 5 yo and a 2 yo enjoying the simple things. The baby even enjoys the tree already.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:04 PM
 
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We don't do Santa, but like a PP said, we do plan to tell the kids that some people do. When DH was little his parents told him that some other kids played the "Santa game" and that he (dh) shouldn't ruin it for them, so he respected their customs.

Our families don't know yet that we're not doing Santa because we've never had occassion to talk about it, and I'm sure some of them will be horrified when they find out. Oh well.

I hope you can find a way out of your situation.

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Old 12-03-2006, 07:11 PM
 
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No santa here either. I don't believe in lying to children.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, as far Grandma, it's both of them. MIL however is far more into the whole scene than my mom. We unfortunately took on their traditions of having special paper and no writing to signify Santa gifts. Every thing has to be different for Santa gifts, different tape, bows, everything and it all has to be burned afterward to leave no trace. There has to be certain bell jingled to signify that the man has left, certain cookies, and nothing can be wrapped or assembled until Xmas eve. I HATE that the most. I would love to be ahead of the game. I dread it every year. I HATE it.

DH's family thinks it is so funny and cute that BIL believed in Santa for so long he got into a fight and decked a kid for saying that Santa wasn't real at a ridiculous age. I can't remember what it was, but he should have been well past Santa at that point. Now of course I fear that Ds1 will be that kid.

We have two little ones, so Santa is here for a while. I just refuse to say things like "Santa is watching you better be good" or actually bring it up. I do talk about the actual origins of the myths, but I just wish well meaning relatives would realize that he is going to be pretty upset when he does find out that they lied. I am included in that too, and of course that make me feel even worse.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:20 PM
 
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We do Santa. DH didn't grow up with Santa, but I like the idea so we do it.

However, I don't do photos with mall Santas. We don't really go to the mall anyway. Maybe when my kids are older they can write letters to Santa. But I'll be telling them that the mall Santas are just dudes who work in the mall.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Elyra View Post
We have two little ones, so Santa is here for a while.
I have two little ones, too. DS1 plays along with us..but then, he wasn't upset that Santa wasn't real.

I really think you're going to have to face down your in-laws (and dh?) on this one. They can't just demand that you do things their way. If you want to wrap gifts before Christmas Eve, then do so. If your dh has a problem with it, tell him that you either wrap them ahead of time, or he can do it.

Your situation is ridiculous, and I say that as someone who does do Santa, who enjoys doing Santa, and who also has a different roll of paper for Santa gifts. You're not having fun, and your ds is going to be upset - what on earth is the point???

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Old 12-03-2006, 07:24 PM
 
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Not sure what to do about Santa over here. I have gradually been saying things like it's what the spirit of Santa brings that is important, not the gifts etc. And reading more stories about Santa and other winter holidays.
I tell my son people make the choice to beleive in Santa. He can choose to or not.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:31 PM
 
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We aren't making a big deal about Santa either way. I'm not about to go to special trouble to make Santa seem believable (leaving cookies out, etc). Heck, I buy and wrap all the gifts and put them under the tree as soon as they are ready! Also, it's our tradition to take all the gifts to the in-law's house and open them there on Christmas Eve. So ds will never really get into the whole Santa thing, I'm thinking. On the other hand, I'm not going to go out of my way to have a big discussion with him on how Santa isn't real. So, I guess we'll see.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:33 PM
 
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I hate the whole santa sham too. I wasn't going to raise my eldest to believe all that crapola, but low and behold the whole rest of the family pumped him full of it and he was so excited about santa that i had no choice but to go along... i coulden't break his little heart like that, kwim? but i resent the way santa gets the credit for the gifts.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:35 PM
 
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We have never had santa, the easter bunny or tooth fairy.

My kids know it is a myth. And they have told me before they are happy I do not lie to them about it.
But they also know not to ruin it for other kids that do believe. They understand that legends can be fun and if other kids want to believe who are they to ruin it for other families?

that being said I do hate it when people ask my kids "are you ready for Santa?, Have you been naughty or nice"

My kids just smile and say "Yeah I guess" lol its actually pretty cute because they know its all just a ploy to get them to be good... and they know no kid is good everyday all year round... So they just paste this fake grin on there faces lol

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Old 12-03-2006, 07:39 PM
 
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I absolutely hate the "naughty or nice" crap. My parents never did that with us, and I've never done it with my kids.

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Old 12-03-2006, 07:41 PM
 
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I absolutely hate the "naughty or nice" crap. My parents never did that with us, and I've never done it with my kids.
thats what im sayin!!!

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Old 12-03-2006, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate the whole santa sham too. I wasn't going to raise my eldest to believe all that crapola, but low and behold the whole rest of the family pumped him full of it and he was so excited about santa that i had no choice but to go along... i coulden't break his little heart like that, kwim? but i resent the way santa gets the credit for the gifts.
That sounds like exactly what happened with me. I even remember when Dh and I were dating me commenting "not my kid" and he just rubbed ds's wee little head and said "you can't do that to him." My mom was all excited to have someone in her court about it, then I met the soon to be inlaws and and I never stood a chance. :
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We have never had santa, the easter bunny or tooth fairy.
I acidently killed the tooth fairy a while ago. Poor Ds sat there for like 3 weeks waiting with that stupid tooth in the pillow. Finally he just gave up. Poor little guy. I still feel bad about that.
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:51 PM
 
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We have never done Santa and Kailey absolutely loves the holidays. She will be 6 in February and all her friends believe in Santa. This year she said she wanted to believe in Santa too. So we are having a BLAST with Santa. There is a website www.emailsanta.com where you can email Santa and get an immediate reply with details of your email.

We have always reminded Kailey how she gets gifts, etc and she is still cool with this. But, we are just having fun with it. No good/bad crud at our house though.
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:08 PM
 
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I hate Santa. I hate the lying. I went through q genuine crisis of faith that lasted for years as a child after I found out I had been lied to about Santa. I have not done any of the holiday characters with my children.
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:36 PM
 
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I'm another who will NOT be perpetuating the Santa myth with DD and any brothers or sisters that arrive later. I was absolutely crushed to find out that there was no magical workshop at the North Pole.

We will teach our kids about various traditions of giving from different cultures, but never that there is a real guy somewhere bringing them toys on the night of the 24th.
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:44 PM
 
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Big, fat liar here.

We do Santa but I'm careful not to go overboard. He only fills the stockings, all other gifts are from family and friends. There is no "naughty or nice". Everyone, including Santa, gives gifts because they want to, behavior has nothing to do with it. So no one is "watching you" because it doesn't matter. And when my children ask if Santa is real I ask, "What do you think?" and base my answer on theirs.

Ds recently said he wasn't sure and really just wanted to know if Santa is real or not. So I told him the truth, that he's not. Ds doesn't seem at all upset about it and, in fact, is very excited about carrying on the myth for his sister.

So Santa, like a lot of other things, can be overdone and some children will not take well to the myth. If it's fun for your family and no one is insisting on it above all else, I think it's fine. I think there's a happy medium between going all out with the myth and not doing it at all, and if you want to find that medium you can.

ETA - For the OP, it sounds like your situation is less about the Santa myth and more about how your family's holiday traditions are not actually yours and you don't even like them. I agree that the Santa myth is being way overplayed and you have the right to tone it down. But the Santa thing is a symptom, not the actual problem.
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:57 PM
 
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hate it hate it hate it!

next weekend partner is taking the kids to the mall to sit on some perv's lap and profess all their affluenza desires to him.

i hate that i bred into a family that would pretty much pick up a sword to defend the blessed santa.

i find it completely weird and gross.
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Old 12-03-2006, 09:23 PM
 
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Mama Q~ You cannot be serious about calling the "santas" pervs. That just really rubbed me the wrong way. Are you saying that adults who have child-centered jobs are all pervs? Please explain that very grotesque comment.
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Old 12-03-2006, 09:30 PM
 
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Within 10 minutes of finding this thread, ds started talking about Santa. I worried about this since he started Kindergarten. I used the "game" idea in another post and told him it was our secret that we know Santa is just a character and that some parents like to play the Santa game. He's excited about our secret and not even telling dh.

I shouldn't worry too much. Another kid at school has fought skeletons and the same kid got bit by a cobra. When we said his friend has a good imagination, ds swore "Yes! He did!" What an imagination his friend has!
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Old 12-03-2006, 09:31 PM
 
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next weekend partner is taking the kids to the mall to sit on some perv's lap and profess all their affluenza desires to him.
Pervs? What on earth makes you say that? I've never had any weird vibes off any of the store Santas around here...and I definitely pay attention when I get "perv" vibes off someone around my kid!

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Old 12-03-2006, 09:35 PM
 
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Not sure what to do about Santa over here. I have gradually been saying things like it's what the spirit of Santa brings that is important, not the gifts etc. And reading more stories about Santa and other winter holidays.
I tell my son people make the choice to beleive in Santa. He can choose to or not.
I like your approach a lot!!

I think "allowing" children to believe in Santa is a great way to introduce the concept of having faith in something.

children believe in a magical man that will bring them a gift under the tree.

in most religions the act of faith or having faith is a major part of believing there is indeed a god. Most people have never seen or heard or even felt the presence of god...so how do they know for themselves that god is there?

they have faith.

it's a beautiful virtue/concept to foster in our children.

then when they decide to make a choice in what they wish to believe in they have had the practice at least in believing and having faith in something.

i think it's a beautiful, magical experience for children. I think as adults we could be a much more peaceful and happy society if we all practiced having faith in the magic and wonder and love around us.

Christmas and Santa are real. At least to me anyway!

Merry Christmas. Love Ang.

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Old 12-03-2006, 09:41 PM
 
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Ang, while I respect the spirit in which your post was written, it sounds like your trying to rationalize lying.

Children can have faith and believe in things of substance, such as their parents, friends, family and community.
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Old 12-03-2006, 09:54 PM
 
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We don't do santa with our dc, I've never said anything about santa, but dd1 has seen pics and grandma read her the night before X-Mas. We were were at the mall the other day and "santa" came up to dd1 and tried to talk to her. It was so funny, she just gave him a look like "dude, why are you all dressed up" and kept on walking.

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Old 12-03-2006, 10:15 PM
 
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I think the (short, novella-length, really) book "The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus" by L. Frank Baum (who wrote The Wizard of Oz) is the loveliest compromise on the Santa myth that's out there today. In it, Santa starts off as a human child who is abandoned in a mythical forest to by raised by nymphs (lots of environmental and nature themes) and the story expands from there.

For mamas who want a middle ground, I highly recommend giving it a read to see if the "story" might work for your family.

Christine

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Old 12-03-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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Thats a very odd statement that santas are pervs..

While I think thats just crazy. I do find it annoying when I go to the mall and see a baby screaming in santa's lap while mom and dad jiggle toys to try to make the baby smile for the camera... I saw that last week and I wanted to say something to those parents... they had that poor 9ish month old baby screaming and shreaking for them for almost 15 minutes... I was on a play date at the toddler center in the mall and santa is right next to it.

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