Question for parents - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 04-30-2003, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
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Hello, I'm a student writing a paper for my Adult Development and Aging class about the pros and cons of having children.
I just have a few questions that I'd like to ask: What do you feel are the advantages of having children? What are the "joys of parenthood", for you? How have your children changed your life for the better?
Thanks very much for your responses.
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#2 of 10 Old 05-01-2003, 02:33 AM
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It's lame to say this, but these were sort of tough questions to answer. So often I come to these boards searching for support while I bemoan the work of motherhood, not to sing its praises.

But here goes...

The primary advantage to having children is love. I don't have the language to properly explain love, but that's what it is. I always had this inner urge to have babies; to have someone to give my love to and someone to be loved by. The best part is when my son hugs me, or snuggles with me; the warmth of his body next to mine when we sleep; the way he looks at me and smiles; when he wakes from a nap and his face lights up when I smile down at him; when he is tired or hurt and depends on me to comfort him. All those instances are where the love becomes apparant. And having that much love in my life has enriched it beyond comparison. Having my son reminds me to enjoy life. He informs me of the joys of learning and discovery. He reminds me that life is precious, that our time here is valuable. He keeps me honest and calm and patient. There's the lesson that comes from parenting - patience! He reminds me of the cyclical nature of everything; that everything comes in its own time and everything has its own rhythm. He reminds me to act with respect and care for others. He reminds me to slow down, to take it easy. He fills me to overflowing with happiness.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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#3 of 10 Old 05-01-2003, 09:55 AM
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I'm happy to answer your questions with my experience in motherhood. Firstly, my impression of motherhood and parenting before my daughter was born was that it would be a life long experience in huge burdens of responsibility. I was not prepared for the incredible and undescribable emotional attachment and joy that I feel.

The main advantage of having children is that you have the opportunity to experience "true love" up close and personal. Having a child helps you grow and develop personally; to refine some of those qualities that humans seem to naturally need more exercise in - patience, compassion, living more in the present, flexibility, etc. There is a certain sacred reverence that surrounds babies and children; perhaps because they are 'so fresh from God" , as Charles Dickens says.

Families are like mini societies, places for learning, support , comfort and recreation.

to participate in parenting, knowing and loving a child is the highest calling.

sorry if I didn't answer your questions completely, but I know others will add good insights to these questions.
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#4 of 10 Old 05-01-2003, 10:45 AM
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What are the advantages of having children?

Well, I can't say that I thought about it in those terms. I think before I had dd I was terrified, convinced I would repeat the errors of my mother. But, the second she was in my arms a true peace descended. I knew I would do as good as I could, the best that I can, love would gets us a long way.

What are the "joys of parenthood", for you?

These are almost too numerous to list. Like Annakiss, one of my favorite joys is when she's waking up from a nap and making cooing sounds and I come to get her...the second her eyes hit mine, her face lights up. It is the most beautiful and precious moment. I love *dancing her down* to sleep, that slow drifing off and her increasing heaviness as she drifts off. The laughter that comes when I tickle her or the dog walks by. Sometimes it's just the smoothness of her skin. I guess it ranges from the small, subtle things, to the big stuff.

How have your children changed your life for the better?

I am not the person that went in to deliver this baby. I know that I am a better person. I am more grounded, less selfish, more loving, more patient. All the things I worried wouldn't be there, came pretty naturally. It also has a way of putting things so cleary into perspective. I don't need that material possession, I would rather work a few hours less and be with my family.

I hope that helps, and I wish I could be more eloquent to truly phrase the magic and miracle of having a baby.
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#5 of 10 Old 05-14-2003, 06:58 PM
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#6 of 10 Old 05-15-2003, 09:19 AM
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My children on 18, 16 , 14 and 9 ( and my much loved spirit child would be 12 now)

I feel the greatest advantage to having children is the gift of knowing pure, un-conditional love. I once thought that the fact that most poetry, music and great works of art describe romantic love meant that romantic passion was the deepest, purest love one could feel. But I know now that the love a mother feels for her children is LOVE in the purest, deepest from.... So deep no words, lyrics or works of art could begin to describe it....

The joy is the love that goes without end, beyond time.......

And knowing this type of love has made me a better person..

My mother said many time, " you will not understand until you have children of your own." She was right and now I understand....

Peace to you,
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#7 of 10 Old 05-16-2003, 12:57 PM
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Parenting has changed my whole perspective on life. I'm much calmer, more focused on family, I think more about the long-term consequences/benefits before I make a decision. Joy is in the smiles, giggles, nth game of peek-a-boo, the looks of pure adoration my son gives me. I'm learning to look at everything through the eyes of a baby, those blankets on the floor are no longer a mess but an obstacle course, the dining room table is a cave, etc. Instead of being jaded everything is new again. I can now prioritize better than before, I differentiate between needs and wants, and am generally a better person.
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#8 of 10 Old 05-17-2003, 01:17 AM
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he is only about 3 mos old. so far joy is a quiet night together with him and i just loving each other with no colick episodes.
it is great when he is happy and cooing at me.

i hate how much i am tied down now to my house and to him. breastfeeding and exhaustion make for a very full and dull life.

i cant wait for the day when he says it was all worth it and he appreciates the sacrifices i have made to make him into the man he will have become by then.

love and sacrifice that relate to the way Christ loves and sacrificed for us really is the main advantage. i have become so much closer to God since he was born.

he has also changed me for the better with: patience perserverance and peace. i have an advanced understanding of life now that i never had before.

joy is his hug, his look, his touch...i am in love with my whiney wonderful baby boy and i cant help but just stare at him all the time. JOY!!!
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#9 of 10 Old 05-19-2003, 04:16 AM
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What do you feel are the advantages of having children?
Well, people at the store will let you in front of them sometimes. =) The first few weeks I kept thinking, "What the heck did I get myself into?!" And then DS started smiling and cooing at me. Then I thought, "Oh, OK! I can do this!" It sounds so selfish, please try to understand my meaning through my words. I'm never alone now. I always have someone to hugs and kiss. When I'm at the store trying to decide on which paper to get for a stamping project, I can talk it out because I'm talking to my baby not to myself like an insane person.

What are the "joys of parenthood", for you?
Baby giggles and baby toes are pure heaven. Baby hugs, kisses, and snuggles can melt any heart. Baby smiles light up the world. DS is so entertaining. It's amazing to watch him grow and learn. I'm sure it won't be a joy later, but now it's touching to know that when I leave it upsets DS's world. Again, very selfish, but I know I'm loved also. I love watching the relationship between DH and DS grow. DS started playing pass-the-baby between the two of us and the way DH's face lights up when the baby wants *him,* not just mommy, is so great.

How have your children changed your life for the better?
It's forced me to really think about the kinds of person I want to be. In bouts of frustration, when the baby would be crying and nothing I could do seemed to help, I told him he was being rediculous. It was angry, but not public. Then I saw a mom at the store shaming her weeping 3-4yo son with the same words. I realized I didn't want to be like that and so I changed. I'm learnig what's really important in life.
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#10 of 10 Old 05-19-2003, 09:38 AM
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"Whenever people ask me about having children I never tell them what to do." Morrie said, looking at the photo of his oldest son. "I simply say, `There is no experience like having children.' That's all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children." So would you do it again?" I asked. "Would I do it again?" he said to me looking surprised. "Mitch, I would not have missed the experience for anything..."

~ Mitch Albom in "Tuesdays with Morrie"
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