Mother's Day Rant - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-11-2003, 09:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I just had to vent about this to people who would understand...

I'm a single mother to 4 foster/adopt children, ages 5, 2, 1 and 7 months. I set up with my sister (childless) to make a brunch for my mother at my sister's house. My mother's youngest child (my sister) is 33. As everyone involved in the family acknowledges, my mother was a pretty rotten mother, screaming, hitting, demeaning, hurtful and blaming us for her behavior by saying we were "bad" kids. It's been many, many years. My mother and I didn't even talk for 10 years. We get along fine now. She's apologized so I am willing to connect with her again.

Anyway, I take my 4 kids to my sister's house which is white and set up with lots of delicate knick knacks and such. I spend the day running after my kids trying to get them to not hurt anythign or get anything dirty or whatever. We eat all my mother's favorite foods. Then my mother opens her presents. I have to say, that I thought that they would have at least gotten me a card. Last year they got me a 50 cent little thing from a street vendor I think. They got me nothing and hardly acknowledged that I'm even a mother. Luckily I brought the gifts that my 5 year old, 2 year old and 1 year olds made me at daycare and school. I had them to open and they were wonderful. Cute little ladybugs that they made themselves.

Oh, and then I got out to my car to start loading it up to leave and a neighborhood boy (it's a very shi shi neighborhood, my parents and sister are very well off) asks me if I'm going to the park. I said I don't know any park. He shows me that there's this beautiful playground with benches and a picnic table not 200 feet from my sister's condo. I said why didn't we go there? The kids would have been busy, happy and not capable of breaking anything and we could have sit out in the sun. My sister just shrugged her shoulders.

I do realize that my own children should be doing mother's day for me, but it's clear that they're too young. I worked way, way more than usual to make a nice mother's day for someone who isn't even mothering right now and did a lousy job when she did.

I just feel cranky and sad about it. I hope next year I remember to send a card and say that I'm doign a mother's day for me!
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Old 05-11-2003, 11:52 PM
 
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Well, Happy Mother's Day to you...you deserve more than that. I'm sorry your sister is so thoughtless!
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Old 05-12-2003, 03:13 AM
 
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I'm sorry, that sucks!

I can relate though. It was my first real mother's day (last one I was PG - a mother, but not the same as now, y'know?) and my DH didn't get me anything. Not a card, a flower, a note, nothing. My own mother got me a card though. You're lucky your kids gave you something. My DD isn't old enough for that yet, but the thought of little ladybugs made me smile!

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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Old 05-12-2003, 03:47 AM
 
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The ladybugs are sweet.

I feel kinda sad because I didn't get anything for Mother's Day either. This is also my first "real" Mother's Day because the last one I was also pregnant. The day felt so special to me, really. I know that I gave it my own meaning, but I wish my dh would have recognized this day too. This morning when the three of us woke up I reminded him to tell me happy Mother's Day. And he did with a genuine grin. But it is just not the same when you have to tell someone. I don't receive and gifts for any holiday and none of them are made special in any way because my dh does not believe in the commercialization of holidays, nor does he believe in designated days to celebrate. He prefers to give me things when he wants to or celebrate when he wants to. RARE, I tell ya, if ever. It all makes me sad. Not because I want material gifts, but because I think celebrating certain things is very beautiful. I really just wanted for the three of us to even just go for a walk today...or simply a great big ole hug and a . I really wanted to celebrate Mother's Day. It is special to me. I work really hard. I feel like crying right now, feeling sorry for
myself. I also feel dumb for getting so worked-up about this. Sigh.

Know what though? At the storytime at the bookstore I take my son to each week, we got to make his handprint out of dough for my Mother's Day gift. And I'll tell ya, that little handprint has made all the difference in the world!!! Sure can't wait 'til I get some homemade ladybugs one day.

Happy, happy Mother's Day to you!
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Old 05-12-2003, 02:53 PM
 
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I am so sad to read about all the unhappiness on what should be a wonderful, and extremely meaningful holiday for us. My dh was great. He took me to dinner, but what was better was that he weeded my flower bed! I haven't had ANY time to do it since Kaeleb came into the picture. The sling I have is simply too hot (denim and padded) to be out in 80 degree weather. I am takin that sucker back today and getting a Maya Sling this evening at the LLL meeting! On a sad note though, I called a dear friend of mine to wish her a happy mother's day and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said that her dh told her that she wasn't HIS mother, so he didn't have to do anything for her. He bought his mother a gift and roses. I felt so very sad for her.
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Old 05-12-2003, 03:04 PM
 
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I took *myself* out for Mother's Day brunch yesterday! My mom said that was sad, but I don't think so. I chose to be a mom on my own, so I can celebrate my motherhood on my own! Dd1 was very into it, saying it was my day and telling me Happy Mother's Day, but she is too little still to plan anything and there is no one to help her unless I do. Hey, maybe that's what I'll do next year. Maybe I could even act surprised!

SMC to Sophia, age 15, and Eleanor, age 9, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!

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Old 05-12-2003, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sofiamommy, I think that's what I'm going to do next year. I have no trouble taking myself and my brood out. I love being single and to be honest it's easier goign to a restaurant with all them than with my family. I was thinking also maybe ordering in, even better.
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Old 05-12-2003, 11:58 PM
 
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My first mother's day I went to my inlaw's - why I don't know, well, they were pretty pushy - and anyway it was horrible! I was so sad! That "first" mother's day was special to me too. But I'm glad I had a bad one in a way because now I have really resolved to do what I want to do on mother's day and this year was fabulous. Spent the day with friends and their kids and even the weather cooperated! I feel totally okay being "selfish" about not visiting with family because they were such jerks to me on my first mother's day. I know if they hadn't been we'd be there every mother's day.
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Old 05-13-2003, 12:16 AM
 
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Good Lord...what is wrong with people?? I feel like crying after reading your posts - of course mine was no better in the DH dept. - we are fighting & he barely spoke to me....My 2 lovely girls made breakfast & wonderful pics for me. My baby boy just nursed all day - that's love too, right?? My mom who is amazing gave me a beautiful card with a coupon for dinner & a movie WITH HER!! Perfect.
On another note, I have 2 aunts that are like sisters to me. One lost her DH 3 years ago at 41 to a heartattack. The other is childless but married 30 yrs. Anyway, My kidless aunt took over A LOT of responsability for my other Aunt's children (10, 7 & 5). Picking up after school, having sleep overs on late night work nights, carting them to soccer, etc. Yesterday, the childrens mother did NOTHING for her sister!! No card, no flowers, no nothing, but bought a plant for her boyfriends mother - UGH. I am so disgusted.
Last night I took an extra minute to love & appreciate my children - their love is amzing & CONSTANT & everyday is mothers day with them around.
I love thesse boards & thank everyone for the sharing that goes on!! It is a perfect ending to my hectic days. THANKS
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Old 05-13-2003, 01:26 AM
 
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My dh is also not into things being commercialized. But he did make me breakfast and it was yummy, and I got to hang out with him for a bit, and with the baby for the whole day. Oh, I miss the baby when I'm at work. It was so great to be with him all day! We just napped and nursed and played.

I'm kind of glad that I didn't have to go out or do anything else.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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Old 05-13-2003, 11:41 PM
 
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I had a good day, too...as a spur of the moment thing, we had my parents over on Friday night and called it a mother's day dinner (dh cooked). My folks were flexible and really loved it. Sunday dh made breakfast for me and we all went to church together. I had asked for us all to do a bit of shopping together after church, but as it worked out, the kids fell asleep, so dh stayed with them and I went by myself for an hour or so...it just felt like a really balanced kind of day--not too rushed, time together, time to myself, a very solicitous dh...

I feel a bit guilty hearing about all the people who had lousy days...I hope it gets better!

Be well,

Mia
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Old 05-16-2003, 03:02 AM
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Geekmom--

Don't you have all boys, as well? I have four boys, from age 4 to 15.

From one MOB to another, here's to you. Happy Mother's Day, Sweetie.

dlb
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