She and I have been going around and around as she asks me questions about my nursing relationship with Nate. It sounds to me like she is doing her very best to sabotage her daughter's attempt to nurse: "She isn't making enough milk; the baby wants to eat every two hours." "She'll take a bottle of formula right after she nurses; obviously she isn't getting enough." "Her milk is too thin; it can't be enough." "That baby is four months old, she REALLY needs some real food; they can't last that long on just bm/formula (the babe has been supplemented with formula since day one)." I have over and over again tried to set her straight, and I have Nate as living, breathing proof that bm can grow a baby just fine, but she refuses to listen. I even gave her my phone # and told her to have her daughter call me. No dice.
So mom's nursing less and less and having more and more problems (big surprise!) and grandma's newest kick is that she's pissed off that mom won't let her keep the babe for a weekend. Yes, take her away from her mom, in the midst of bfing struggles, for an entire weekend. Luckily, mom has the sense to say "No way" so I get an earful everyday about how pissed grandma is. I told grandma "If my mom thought she was taking my baby away overnight, I'd tell her she was stupid crazy." Grandma thinks that's insane. "That would likely ruin her chances of bfing all together," I say. G-ma says "She doesn't need to be doing that anymore anyway."
Today took the cake though. G-ma was complaining and bitching at mom about "spoiling" the baby -- "You're suffocating her! Give her a little room to breathe! Let her fuss a little!" So she tells me that mom decided she'd finally listen to g-ma. She put the baby in a swing and went into the back room to "get some work done." They baby fussed a while, then cried a while, then fussed a while, then cried awhile, and mom just let her fuss/cry while she finished her work. When she finally came back in the room (I don't know how long she was gone) the baby had somehow slipped in the swing and was being held in by just the strap across her legs, completely doubled over, with her head hanging so it almost touched the ground. I don't know what kind of swing she has, and I'm having trouble picturing it, but g-ma said the baby's head was brushing the floor each time the swing went back and forth. So of COURSE the baby was crying!
And the whole time g-ma was telling me this story she was cracking up laughing. She says "Mom felt bad, but I told her not to worry about it, it won't be the last time!" I'm ready to cry, thinking poor, poor baby, and she's LAUGHING! What the hell is wrong with this woman? What's wrong with her daughter that she listens to this woman?
And two sentences later she says "Any time you need to run out for something, give me a call, and I'll keep your baby for a little while." THE HELL YOU WILL! I nearly laughed in her face, then I went back to my room and cried for that little baby. It's so sad.
What the hell makes people think treating a baby this way is OK? Or even good?
Mama to Nate (11/02) and due 4/12/11
That is totally appalling, I think Gma has some serious problems. Who would laugh about that swing incident. SICK!
we have neighbors that give their babies ice tea and coke in bottles (never breastfed) and I told them flat out, you aren't babysitting my baby. They say, but they like it! ARG! some people.
Adina mama to B 4/06 and E 8/13/12 (on her due date!)
Some people should NEVER be parents, but that won't stop them. It's too sad for me to dwell on. Sorry you have to listen to this kind of stuff from this woman. Let's all hope for the best for this baby.
((Hugs)) You're a bigger person than me for putting up with her.
Ok, I think I'm done now. I just can't believe anyone would not respond to their baby's cries.
paganscribe, is there any way to connive & get her daughter's #? maybe, "starting a playgroup..." sounds like she could use some GOOD advice!!
It's true that some people are just ignorant.
And it's true that the older generation has some really weird ideas about how to care for babies. It must have been so liberating for them to be relieved of loving and responding to their babies. :
Anyways, it's what they were taught, and they either think they're doing us a favour by imparting this "wisdom" upon us, or they're just being know-it-alls.
My own mother complains about not being able to take off with DD. She tells people (while I'm standing right there) "she's attached to her mother's breast!". She means well but...
Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)
~Jennifer, mama to Connor, Cole, Cooper and Curran
Lovin my man Mike for 11 years!
i third the idea of getting the number and calling this poor mom and baby!!! just tell g-ma you are trying to start a baby playgroup or something. i think you could make a big difference for this mom.
if you do meet this mom, i wouldn't bombard her with advice- just let her see how you interact with your son.
Then you call or email her & pass on the address of these boards and we can all give her the mothering support she needs. A baby throwing herself out of a swing is no laughing matter. They're lucky that baby is ALIVE. I can't imagine my son dangling from a swing like that. I'd be horrified. My mother would be as well.
How could anyone leave their child crying in a swing? Ok- Goo LOVES her swing. I have left the room with her in it maybe long enough to get laundry, but if I heard a peep, I was back there in a flash to check up on her!
Poor daughter. I am sure she is getting confused with all of this pressure from Gma....
Get her number. Give the poor woman moral support.
The only word I have for this grandma
Free To Be~
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
You are a better person than I am for putting up with this negativity. She is a lunatic (and would probably get along great with my family *sigh*).
And that grandma could use some parenting classes.
|Originally posted by dlb
I think its scarey that this lady works with elementary school kids...
Y'all have inspired me. I am currently out of town (at home to be with my grandfather), but as soon as I get back, I'm going to try and get her daughter's number. Unfortunately, she lives several hours away, so I won't be able to be a real-live influence -- but maybe I can be a little support over the phone. Doubly unfortunately, she's not much into computers -- doesn't even have an internet connection at home -- so I can't direct her here. Oh well.
Thanks for the ideas and support letting me know that I'm not crazy for thinking she's INSANE!
Mama to Nate (11/02) and due 4/12/11
I don't even know what to say after reading that.
I don't mind putting my kids in swing, but to ignore the crying? And then for her to laugh about it? what if that baby had been seriously injured!!!??? I bet she wouldn't be laughing then!
college student and mama to 7 kiddos!
Hopefully that swing incident was a wake-up call to that mother, and she won't let anything like that happen ever again. With a mother like hers, though, I wouldn't be surprised if she were convinced into letting her baby run around the house with a butcher knife.
Hugs to that poor mommy and I really hope you will be able to get her # it really seems like she could use someone like you in her life.
I too am living proof that a child can thrive a lone on breast milk. I have not even attempted anything else for my daughter and she will be 7 months old in a couple of days. At that time I will begin cereal