What is WRONG with these people? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 05-12-2003, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have developed something of a relationship with my school nurse, because I use a room in her clinic to pump every day; her first granddaughter was born about six weeks after my ds, and she lives two houses away from me.

She and I have been going around and around as she asks me questions about my nursing relationship with Nate. It sounds to me like she is doing her very best to sabotage her daughter's attempt to nurse: "She isn't making enough milk; the baby wants to eat every two hours." "She'll take a bottle of formula right after she nurses; obviously she isn't getting enough." "Her milk is too thin; it can't be enough." "That baby is four months old, she REALLY needs some real food; they can't last that long on just bm/formula (the babe has been supplemented with formula since day one)." I have over and over again tried to set her straight, and I have Nate as living, breathing proof that bm can grow a baby just fine, but she refuses to listen. I even gave her my phone # and told her to have her daughter call me. No dice.

So mom's nursing less and less and having more and more problems (big surprise!) and grandma's newest kick is that she's pissed off that mom won't let her keep the babe for a weekend. Yes, take her away from her mom, in the midst of bfing struggles, for an entire weekend. Luckily, mom has the sense to say "No way" so I get an earful everyday about how pissed grandma is. I told grandma "If my mom thought she was taking my baby away overnight, I'd tell her she was stupid crazy." Grandma thinks that's insane. "That would likely ruin her chances of bfing all together," I say. G-ma says "She doesn't need to be doing that anymore anyway."

Today took the cake though. G-ma was complaining and bitching at mom about "spoiling" the baby -- "You're suffocating her! Give her a little room to breathe! Let her fuss a little!" So she tells me that mom decided she'd finally listen to g-ma. She put the baby in a swing and went into the back room to "get some work done." They baby fussed a while, then cried a while, then fussed a while, then cried awhile, and mom just let her fuss/cry while she finished her work. When she finally came back in the room (I don't know how long she was gone) the baby had somehow slipped in the swing and was being held in by just the strap across her legs, completely doubled over, with her head hanging so it almost touched the ground. I don't know what kind of swing she has, and I'm having trouble picturing it, but g-ma said the baby's head was brushing the floor each time the swing went back and forth. So of COURSE the baby was crying!

And the whole time g-ma was telling me this story she was cracking up laughing. She says "Mom felt bad, but I told her not to worry about it, it won't be the last time!" I'm ready to cry, thinking poor, poor baby, and she's LAUGHING! What the hell is wrong with this woman? What's wrong with her daughter that she listens to this woman?

And two sentences later she says "Any time you need to run out for something, give me a call, and I'll keep your baby for a little while." THE HELL YOU WILL! I nearly laughed in her face, then I went back to my room and cried for that little baby. It's so sad.

What the hell makes people think treating a baby this way is OK? Or even good?

Carrie
Mama to Nate (11/02) and due 4/12/11
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#2 of 29 Old 05-12-2003, 09:55 PM
 
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OMG, I have to say I don't know how you keep your mouth shut??
That is totally appalling, I think Gma has some serious problems. Who would laugh about that swing incident. SICK!

we have neighbors that give their babies ice tea and coke in bottles (never breastfed) and I told them flat out, you aren't babysitting my baby. They say, but they like it! ARG! some people.
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#3 of 29 Old 05-12-2003, 10:54 PM
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You know, I don't have a baby yet....but I feel so hurt and angry when I see these posts. How could these people treat little babies so callously, like they were inconveniences, annoyances? All I want in the world is a baby to love on and spoil, and these people are telling their own daughters to not breastfeed and laughing when the baby falls out of the swing and is nearly dragging on the ground. Ugh!!! I tmakes me so grumpy.

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#4 of 29 Old 05-12-2003, 11:18 PM
 
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How truly awful. Would this grandma think it was so funny if someone treated her like this in a nursing home? Doubt it. So why should a baby get treated with any less respect? Some people - sheesh. I hope that poor baby's mom will come running next time she cries.
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#5 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 12:02 AM
 
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Sadly, there are a lot of ignorant people in the world, and they aren't going to change or listen to a word of wisdom contrary to what they think. Hopefully that poor little baby's mom will wise up and quit listening to her mother, after seeing what can happen to an unattended baby left to "fuss".
Some people should NEVER be parents, but that won't stop them. It's too sad for me to dwell on. Sorry you have to listen to this kind of stuff from this woman. Let's all hope for the best for this baby.

Melanie
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#6 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 12:45 AM
 
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Why does the grandma think it is her business to tell her daughter not to continue breastfeeding??? Why is that some women want to drag other women down when it comes to nursing?? All the comments really bother me. You should tell the grandma that that is her DAUGHTER'S baby not hers, and it is not her place to pressure her to leave the baby for a weekend or start her on solids, or to down her for breastfeeding, or to encourage her to make her baby CIO!!!

((Hugs)) You're a bigger person than me for putting up with her.

Kylix
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#7 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 01:02 AM
 
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I was horrified when I read about the baby nearly falling out of the swing, with her head almost dragging the floor. And her GRANDMOTHER thinks it funny : She is a sick, sick woman. I hope now the mom will respond to the baby. It is sooo sad. The poor baby, fussing and crying all that time and nobody would respond. Poor, poor baby.
Ok, I think I'm done now. I just can't believe anyone would not respond to their baby's cries.
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#8 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 01:15 AM
 
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that is so sick. i am almost crying sitting here looking at my beautiful sleeping babe. how could anyone laugh? :

paganscribe, is there any way to connive & get her daughter's #? maybe, "starting a playgroup..." sounds like she could use some GOOD advice!!
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#9 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 01:23 AM
 
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cinnamonmom - that's a great idea! paganscribe, you should ask for her #, saying something like how your kids are the same age and they could play together, etc. Then maybe you could see her side of the story (ie. is she following this grandmother's bad advice to the letter? or venting to her friends about it?).

It's true that some people are just ignorant.

And it's true that the older generation has some really weird ideas about how to care for babies. It must have been so liberating for them to be relieved of loving and responding to their babies. :

Anyways, it's what they were taught, and they either think they're doing us a favour by imparting this "wisdom" upon us, or they're just being know-it-alls.

My own mother complains about not being able to take off with DD. She tells people (while I'm standing right there) "she's attached to her mother's breast!". She means well but...

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#10 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 02:52 AM
 
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OMGosh! That is just sick. G-ma needs to be told to shut up already! i'm on #4 and I swear, if he starts crying and I can't console him *I* nearly break down in tears! I can't imagine taking advice from someone like that

~Jennifer, mama to Connor, Cole, Cooper and Curran
Lovin my man Mike for 11 years!
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#11 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 03:02 AM
 
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Did I read wrong, or is the g'ma in question also a nurse?

Really scary, when you think about it.
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#12 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 07:18 AM
 
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I second the idea of getting her number- it really sounds like this poor mama could use some support!! I am so angry after reading about the swing incident!!!!!! What kind of person is this woman??? It makes me wonder how she treated her daughter as a baby.
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#13 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 08:04 AM
 
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nak, no caps

i third the idea of getting the number and calling this poor mom and baby!!! just tell g-ma you are trying to start a baby playgroup or something. i think you could make a big difference for this mom.

if you do meet this mom, i wouldn't bombard her with advice- just let her see how you interact with your son.

good luck!!!
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#14 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 12:52 PM
 
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Lie to the grandmother and tell her if she really wants her daughter to get the point and parent like she should, she should email or call you. Tell her, "I should really talk to her. Mind if I email/call her?" Act like you're on the side of the psychobeastgranny.

Then you call or email her & pass on the address of these boards and we can all give her the mothering support she needs. A baby throwing herself out of a swing is no laughing matter. They're lucky that baby is ALIVE. I can't imagine my son dangling from a swing like that. I'd be horrified. My mother would be as well.
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#15 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 10:11 PM
 
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Good lord!
How could anyone leave their child crying in a swing? Ok- Goo LOVES her swing. I have left the room with her in it maybe long enough to get laundry, but if I heard a peep, I was back there in a flash to check up on her!

Poor daughter. I am sure she is getting confused with all of this pressure from Gma....

Get her number. Give the poor woman moral support.
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#16 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 10:19 PM
 
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She is a feak
FREAK!
The only word I have for this grandma

Free To Be~
Traci
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
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#17 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 11:29 PM
 
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I can't tell you how many times I have dealt with this exact situation when working with my teen & young mommas. It is so sad how breastfeeding was lost & discouraged a few generations back--the long term effects are devastating. I agree with asking for her number-finding someone who says going with your instincts is okay & not to fight them all the time like "grandma" says could have a major impact on this momma (not to mention this mommas friends, family & mommas babies when they have babies). I just can't imagine listening to a sweet baby cry. So sad..
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#18 of 29 Old 05-13-2003, 11:43 PM
 
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O
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#19 of 29 Old 05-14-2003, 10:13 AM
 
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I would get ahold of the daughter and plan a day around or out or playgroup, whatever. I would "show" her how to better parent her child, maybe buy her a sling so that she could see how I miraculously seem to get things done during my day, without my child nearly dying. I would offer her some advise on breastfeeding, or refer her to a lactation consultant, or the LLL. Then, I would set up another room to pump in, there has to be a closet somewhere in that school. After I had all that set up, I would tell psycho lady where she could (and probably will) go.

You are a better person than I am for putting up with this negativity. She is a lunatic (and would probably get along great with my family *sigh*).
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#20 of 29 Old 05-14-2003, 11:14 PM
 
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That Grandma would hate me! My youngest son didn't have anything but breastmilk for his first 6 months, and I finally stopped him breast feeding when he was 27 months!!!!!!!!!!!
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#21 of 29 Old 05-15-2003, 01:24 AM
 
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OMG that poor lil baby swinging back n forth doubled over .. ughh I dont even want to see that image, but I HOPE the mother learned NEVER EVER to leave her baby's site again, and secondly to not let her cry and ignore it, HELLO it might just be she's hurt or something lady! I agree with you why do these people treat children like they are NOTHING? I have no answer~
And that grandma could use some parenting classes.

Valerie

"If you truly love nature, you will find beauty everywhere." -Vincent Van Gogh
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#22 of 29 Old 05-15-2003, 01:21 PM
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I think its scarey that this lady works with elementary school kids...how does she treat them when they are hurt. Does she find scraped knees as hilarious as babies hanging from their swing? If something like that happened to one of my babies, I would be too mortified to tell anyone, not even my own mother (she wouldn't find it humorous, she would probably yell at me for letting it happen).

dlb
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#23 of 29 Old 05-15-2003, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by dlb
I think its scarey that this lady works with elementary school kids...
She's not an elementary school nurse; it's a high school. Still, she has very little compassion for the kids and I wonder why on earth she chose nursing as a career. Ugh.

Y'all have inspired me. I am currently out of town (at home to be with my grandfather), but as soon as I get back, I'm going to try and get her daughter's number. Unfortunately, she lives several hours away, so I won't be able to be a real-live influence -- but maybe I can be a little support over the phone. Doubly unfortunately, she's not much into computers -- doesn't even have an internet connection at home -- so I can't direct her here. Oh well.

Thanks for the ideas and support letting me know that I'm not crazy for thinking she's INSANE!

Carrie
Mama to Nate (11/02) and due 4/12/11
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#24 of 29 Old 05-16-2003, 11:37 PM
 
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That just brought me to tears and made my breast ache....

I don't even know what to say after reading that.

I don't mind putting my kids in swing, but to ignore the crying? And then for her to laugh about it? what if that baby had been seriously injured!!!??? I bet she wouldn't be laughing then!


Jessica-
college student and mama to 7 kiddos!
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#25 of 29 Old 05-17-2003, 04:35 AM
 
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That is soo awful. I just can't imagine the baby swinging there like that. Is it just me or does it seem like the ones that interfere the most in other peoples lives are the ones that know jack about anything? I hope the daughter learned not to trust her mothers advice.
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#26 of 29 Old 05-17-2003, 10:23 AM
 
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How terrible! That poor little baby. To me, that is neglect, but then again, almost every parent I know in real life is guilty of neglect on a daily basis.

Hopefully that swing incident was a wake-up call to that mother, and she won't let anything like that happen ever again. With a mother like hers, though, I wouldn't be surprised if she were convinced into letting her baby run around the house with a butcher knife.
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#27 of 29 Old 05-17-2003, 03:58 PM
 
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Poor Mommy and Poor baby. the whole eason I gave up nursing my eldest ds is because of the lack of support. I know fist hand if you do not have support it is virtually impossible to continue without frustration. Alot of moms need that support and with my first it was something I desperately needed. Iam sosad for that mother and that child and I am sorry that Grandma is so old school that she thinks it is okay. Like a previouseposter said she needs to realize she is the Grandmother not the motherand just because the things she did worked for her does not mean that they will work for her daughter.

Hugs to that poor mommy and I really hope you will be able to get her # it really seems like she could use someone like you in her life.

I too am living proof that a child can thrive a lone on breast milk. I have not even attempted anything else for my daughter and she will be 7 months old in a couple of days. At that time I will begin cereal
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#28 of 29 Old 05-17-2003, 04:31 PM
 
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That made me so sick to my stomach and I think I'm gonna cry. That poor poor baby!!! That is just too far..too much!!! Can you imagine the fear that baby felt. God! I have to stop thinking about this now. I am gonna be sick.
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#29 of 29 Old 05-17-2003, 05:19 PM
 
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Oh, that is just DISGUSTING! Poor little babe. That grandma is one sick ticket. I am hoping and praying that her daughter is very different.

Jean

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
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