Would you ever consider being a surrogate? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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Didn't she "consent" to give the baby up when she signed the contract of her own free will? How is that someone "telling [her] what to do?"

Also, you say "that baby will be taken at birth regardless of whether you want it to happen or not" but earlier you were very firm that a surrogate had the right to keep the baby if she wants to no matter what. :
People who have free will can withdraw their consent at any time. She cannot. She cannot decide tomorrow to withdraw her consent.*

*And please... I'm talking philosophically here about control over one's body when pregnant in general and a surrogate specifically, not feeling the need to rehash the whole "what if the court upholds her changing her mind" thing for the sake of not clouding the issue or beating a dead horse.
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#152 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 04:24 PM
 
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*And please... I'm talking philosophically here about control over one's body when pregnant in general and a surrogate specifically, not feeling the need to rehash the whole "what if the court upholds her changing her mind" thing for the sake of not clouding the issue or beating a dead horse.

No need for the "and please." I simply asked because I was confused about where you were coming from. It seemed earlier you were saying surrogates had the power to change their minds and then it appeared were saying the opposite. As far as the legal stuff I asked you about earlier, that was not a challenge. Sorry if you feel I was "beating a dead horse." But I seriously wanted to know more about the case. I find things like that interesting. Sorry if I offended you in some way.

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#153 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 04:34 PM
 
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Don't think I could do it, I would be afraid something bad could happen to me such that I could not be there for my own childeren anymore. Pregnancy and delivery are not without risks. Maybe I would do it for my sisters. I know what infertility is like, it took us 3 years to conceive DD.

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#154 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 05:57 PM
 
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My mom is married to a younger man, and he doesn't want children right now. She's afraid that if and when he wants a child, she might not be physically able to have one.

Would I be her surrogate?

I'm just not sure. It's not the issue of carrying a baby to term and then parting with it, because this particular baby would end up being my brother or sister so I'd be a part of their life. But...what about all the children in the world who have no family? Wouldn't adoption just be a better choice in her situation?

I just don't know. This is a tough question. Lots of conflicting emotional data to sort though. :

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#155 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 06:10 PM
 
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Sounds like you'd be his surrogate, not hers. She already has at least one child.

Does it not seem disturbing to think of receiving sperm from one's stepfather and gestating one's half-sibling? I would think this would fall under several social taboos.
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#156 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 07:00 PM
 
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Social taboos are just that... taboos. It was considered tabboo for women to wear pants, at one point. It was considered taboo for white women to "intermingle" with black men.(<- and still is in some places... : )

Western cultural paradigms. Not nec. right, and very often not.

No one's suggesting it's an ideal arrangement, nor that anyone ought to sleep with their mother's husband and such, but rather, that if circumstances arrange themselves so, and the need is there, some are willing to allow for that paradigm shift, in order to facillitate what, for their individual moral compass, seems right... the gift of motherhood / fatherhood. Some have the strength of character and spirit to do this... some find it abhorrent. Is it possible that those who find it distasteful are simply products of a puritanically-based society, reacting to paradigmal dogma?
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#157 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 07:32 PM
 
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I think the incest taboo is a pretty sensible one, actually. I wouldn't compare it to women wearing pants.
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#158 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 07:51 PM
 
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Incest is an ugly word for (potentially) agreeing to carry a child of one's mother, and one's step father... isn't incest: Sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom.
The statutory crime of sexual relations with such a near relative
?

I don't see any incest mentioned anywhere in this whole thread, girl, except by you.
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#159 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 08:03 PM
 
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Incest taboo is an anthropological term. For the last couple ten thousand years of human history, having your stepfather's child meant having sex with him. There was a taboo against this for a number of very good reasons. I don't think it's either good or reasonable to expect that history to be forgotten and thrown aside now that doctors can play god and put babies wherever they wish.
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#160 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 08:16 PM
 
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This 2007... welcome to the new millenium. The standards our predessecors set for us don't hold true all the time nowadays.

Slippery slope, indeed...
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#161 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 08:39 PM
 
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If you've got an argument in favor of abolishing the incest taboo I'm all ears. Just saying "it's the new millennium!" is not an argument, though.
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#162 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 08:56 PM
 
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Oh my. If I was really affected by social taboos, I'd be a melting, sobbing puddle on the ground by now.

In general, I've never really cared much about what society thinks of the way I live my life.

Now, besides the fact that I'm not quite sure that you (BSD) truly understand what incest is, I never said I planned on offering my egg.

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#163 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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It seemed earlier you were saying surrogates had the power to change their minds .
Everyone has the power to change their minds at anytime.
Surrogacy, pregnancy, jobs, which house to buy, what is for dinner........etc.

It is what you decide to do that makes the difference.
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#164 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 09:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
Sounds like you'd be his surrogate, not hers. She already has at least one child.

Does it not seem disturbing to think of receiving sperm from one's stepfather and gestating one's half-sibling? I would think this would fall under several social taboos.
Absloutely, however in a case like that more likely then not, there would be donor eggs or something so there would NOT be a genetic connection between the surrogate and her possible sibling.
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#165 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 09:25 PM
 
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Everyone has the power to change their minds at anytime.
Surrogacy, pregnancy, jobs, which house to buy, what is for dinner........etc.

It is what you decide to do that makes the difference.
Sorry I was not more careful with my words. I meant the legal right rather than simply "the power." Not sure if that makes a difference or not. Just thought I'd mention it.

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#166 of 178 Old 04-11-2007, 10:47 PM
 
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My mom is married to a younger man, and he doesn't want children right now. She's afraid that if and when he wants a child, she might not be physically able to have one.

Would I be her surrogate?

I'm just not sure. It's not the issue of carrying a baby to term and then parting with it, because this particular baby would end up being my brother or sister so I'd be a part of their life. But...what about all the children in the world who have no family? Wouldn't adoption just be a better choice in her situation?

I just don't know. This is a tough question. Lots of conflicting emotional data to sort though. :
Wow. I think this is really tough ethically. I think that you can feel a little better by knowing that *****HUGE DISCLAIMER: I'm TALKING GENERALLY HERE ****** women who have eggs that are still "good" are typically still fertile. It is highly unusual for a women who has a "proven" fertility track record (conceiving and bearing healthy children) to all of a sudden only lose part of her fertility, like she'd have great eggs and a bad uterus or a perfect uterus but bad eggs.... it all starts to decline together most of the time. So just saying, she'd be unlikely to have star quality eggs and a shot uterus. Unless you'd be okay with it being YOUR egg and your stepfather's sperm, you probably won't have to cross this bridge. (note: this info is based on the experience/clinical opinion of a fertility doctor I spoke with combined with common sense / knowledge of how menopause typically works)

As for the adoption question, I don't think it should be considered as any different than anyone wanting to have a baby of their own biologically. Either you care about that sort of thing or you don't. I think every person has a right to want their own bio child, and you can't slam a mother considering use of a surrogate to have a child any more than you can slam any mother who has her own offspring. That is one slippery slope. Where does it end? What about the mother who knows she will have a high risk pregnancy or knows she has HIV but hopes she can avoid transmission to the baby or knows she has a high risk of a baby with a birth defect... would you say "well, she should just adopt"? People aren't pound puppies.
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#167 of 178 Old 04-12-2007, 11:37 AM
 
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...and you can't slam a mother considering use of a surrogate to have a child any more than you can slam any mother who has her own offspring.
I hope that's not what you think I meant. I am not "slamming" any mother who wants to have her own biological children. I was simply considering whether or not it would be best for my own mother to adopt. She already has two biological children, and I'm not saying that she shouldn't want anymore, only that in her particular case, adoption might be a better choice.

This is all hypothetical, of course, she has never asked me to be a surrogate. I simply saw the discussion and it got me thinking about what I would do were I in this position. And you're absolutely right, it really is an insanely tough question ethically. Truth is, I have no idea how I truly feel about the issue. I'm confused.

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#168 of 178 Old 04-17-2007, 08:55 PM
 
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It is highly unusual for a women who has a "proven" fertility track record (conceiving and bearing healthy children) to all of a sudden only lose part of her fertility, like she'd have great eggs and a bad uterus or a perfect uterus but bad eggs.... it all starts to decline together most of the time. So just saying, she'd be unlikely to have star quality eggs and a shot uterus.
First of all, this is not true.
There are plenty of women how undergo what is called "secondary infertility". They had no trouble getting pregnany and staying pregnant for a kid or two but then cannot seem to be pregnant again for unknown or known reasons.
Also, it is not true that "everything" goes at the same time.
You will find plenty of women with bad eggs or with something wrong with their uterus.
There is many many factors when one is dealing with infertility.


Quote:
Unless you'd be okay with it being YOUR egg and your stepfather's sperm, you probably won't have to cross this bridge
There are many ways to do surrogacy and this is not really a viable option.
In her situation, what they would probably do would be to use DONOR EGGS and the Dad's sperm. Or just find a different surrogate who was not related.
No one said she would be donating her eggs.
Besides, the whole situation was hypothetical.
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#169 of 178 Old 04-17-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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I would think about it, but I know that DH is totally opposed. So I guess the answer is no.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#170 of 178 Old 04-18-2007, 04:57 PM
 
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I would donate eggs to a relative or dear friend....I would also support dh donating his sperm. I couldn't bear to carry and birth a baby and not get to keep it though.
Besides, I miscarry a lot, so I'm probalby not a good candidate.....

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#171 of 178 Old 05-09-2007, 07:02 PM
 
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Where would one look for info on donating Eggs to IPs??
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#172 of 178 Old 05-10-2007, 07:42 AM
 
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Where would one look for info on donating Eggs to IPs??
http://www.surromomsonline.com/support Try the ED (egg donation) board, to skim through or make a post with your questions.
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#173 of 178 Old 06-19-2007, 01:56 PM
 
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Bump

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#174 of 178 Old 06-19-2007, 04:15 PM
 
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No, I doubt I could handle it. I don't consider myself strong enough to give up a baby, genetically matched to me or not. Kudos to those who can though!

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#175 of 178 Old 06-19-2007, 05:12 PM
 
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i think i might would do it if all the cards were right...

~ pretty hardcore AP/NFL
~ no circ if it's a boy
~ i'd would want to be kinda involved in this childs life (not as a parent)
~ no vax
~ not my eggs

but since i know only two people IRL like this...i'm pretty sure it's never going to happen!
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#176 of 178 Old 06-19-2007, 05:14 PM
 
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No, I wouldn't be able to do. Actually I think it's unethical to do at all (no flames please, personal opinion).
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#177 of 178 Old 06-19-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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Honestly, I'm torn on the issue.

I'm really beginning to look at any kind of infertility treatment as not right. Something just does not seem right to play God. One person has that right and none of us are him.

On the other had, I know a couple who have ben trying for ten years. I have shed so many tears with her over her struggles. I know they would make wonderful parents and dream of the day they are blessed with a baby. I would consider doing gestational surrogacy to help them. I would also do that for my sisters.

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#178 of 178 Old 06-19-2007, 10:25 PM
 
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I say kudos to those who can emotional and physicallly handle being a surrogate, I don't think I could do it.
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