Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Yikes, living w/ my ILs!
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know how you feel. Mt stepfather abused me as a child and I cringe when he want s to hold dd. People even in my IL's side want to call him Grampa, and the worst part is-- my dad died right before I got preggo!! I don't want dd to grow up thinking this man is her grampa, he isn't, he has been in my life since I was 2 1/2, but he never was family, he never "raised" me, IMO, he didn't put in the work to get the title, kwim? I legt my moms house as a 12 y/o and never came back to get away from him, so he isn't grampa! It's not just my mom who doesn't understand, it's her dad and stepmom, who incidentally, has always been grandmaw, and my MIL, FIL and MIL's mother. Dp finally said to his mom, "Look, if you knew the kind of person he is, you wouldn't be so damn anxious to get your granddaughter into his arms!" Thank god for DP. I don't even want him to have a pet name. I call him by his first name and she should too. It gets tricky because I call his parents Grandma and Grampa in Japanese, which makes Gma and Gpa even more endearing, which makes everyone think I think we're family. Can I like the guy's parents but hate him? I think so. *sigh* Anyway, I told my mom privately that there are just going to be rules about his contact with her, including pet names. I set the guidelines and I explained that I realized some people wouldn't understand and that her feelings might be hurt, but in order to do what I felt protected dd the most I had to make the rules. I'm afraid that if she thinks he is grampa she will trust him and from experience that scares me more than anything ever. I an't eliminate him from my life, but I can protect my dd. Even if I weren't concerned for her well being, what I say goes and I don't have to explain it, kwim? I set the rules and people interested in being in our family's life follow them or go on punishment. LOL, yes, it is what it sounds like, Sephie restriction. It works, I tell ya...