Better stop your cryin - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-16-2003, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone know that Dar Williams song- When I Was a Boy?

It is haunting me:

Quote:
When I was a boy, see that picture? That was me
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees
And I know things have gotta change,
They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in, they've got implants to remove
But I am not forgetting
That I was a boy too

And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep
Except when I'm tired, except when I'm being caught off guard
I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way
To catching fire-flies out in the backyard.
And I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived
And I say now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won
And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see
When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you.
You see, my little boy does cry. But when he cries his nose runs. And his runny nose makes him upset, so he cries more, while sobbing, "my nose is running!" And I find myself trying to help him blow his nose, and explaining that the crying is what is making his nose run, and that if he keeps crying, it will keep running.

And then I find myself wondering what I'm saying. I don't want him to not ever cry, I think crying is a healthy thing to do upon occassion. But I feel like I'm sending the message- YOU SHOULDN"T CRY.

Help me out- here. Anyone have suggestions? Sure fire ways to clean out a snotty nose?

Am I creating a gender stereotype here?

thanks
-jeanie
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Old 05-16-2003, 08:30 PM
 
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I don't think you're sending a bad message.

You're not saying don't cry, you're explaining cause and effect in this case.

I'm sure you're not trying to stop him from crying.

He'll figure it out soon, and then he'll know how to deal with the runny nose while he gets the crying done when it needs to be.
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Old 05-17-2003, 02:08 AM
 
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I hope I'm not trite and dismissive, but in a case like this, I'd say to my son, "I know your nose is running, and that's okay. That's what a tissue is for. Let's get one, and I'll help you clean up."
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Old 05-17-2003, 03:28 PM
 
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Make him laugh!

Better still, give him a frozen banana from the freezer. Delisious! And imposible to eat while crying.

Stick around for the final dribbles.

Good luck.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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Old 05-17-2003, 03:48 PM
 
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with all due respect, trying to make someone laugh when they are crying is dismissive of the persons feelings. It also sends a mesage that you shouldn't cry. I've had to explain that to my dh many times as he trys to make dd laugh when she is crying.

Please lets not try and change someone elses feelings. THey need to be validated. It is a power trip to try and control someone elses expression.

jeanie, I'm not sure how old your ds is, but I think what your doing is fine. It doesn't sound like you trying to control his expressions but just explaining how things happen. And what a great mom you are to even think about it, most people don't.
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Old 05-17-2003, 10:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Arduinna
with all due respect, trying to make someone laugh when they are crying is dismissive of the persons feelings. It also sends a mesage that you shouldn't cry.
Good point.

And I agree. However, once the initial crisis that caused the cying is over, and the nose flow is now the central problem, then he is not being dismissed. But jusdging at the moment may be the only way to judge.

There is still the frozen banana

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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Old 05-19-2003, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey- Thanks for all your replies.
I feel much better about this now.

Eli will be three this summer so blowing his nose is still tough, and he is very aware when it is running and hates the sensation. But we are working on it.

I think I will talk to him about crying a little when he is NOT crying- its easier to have a conversation then.

Quote:
And what a great mom you are to even think about it, most people don't.
Thanks Adruinna-

Quote:
you're explaining cause and effect in this case.
You are right sohj- but I hadn't thought of it that way- thanks!

Alexander- do you put bananas on sticks when you freeze them? Do you dip them in anything?


-jeanie
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Old 05-19-2003, 01:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Elismama
Alexander- do you put bananas on sticks when you freeze them? Do you dip them in anything?


-jeanie
I Peel, jam them onto chopsticks, cover with cling film, pop them into the freezer and hey presto! the best banana ice-cream in the world. No added nothin' !!




a

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