This has been something that I have been thinking about a lot since dd was born. I have always been super close with my mother and she has been a poster-child of motherhood to me. It's always been very clear to both my brother and I that we were the most important people in her life. She sacrificed a lot for us and was always there for us. In terms of being an AP parent, she practiced many of the concepts, such as bf me for 9 months, co-sleeping for the first 2 years (same room but not the same bed, gentle discipline, etc. I think as we got older, however, and other stresses in her life took over (my dad is a recovering alcoholic), her patience wore out a lot. Nevertheless, she was always there for us.
However, after I had my dd, I started to feel really distant from her. Part of it was that I felt that she was pushing her views onto me. At the time she had me, she was very well-read and was really into parenting me. So, she had a lot of advice to dispense to me. But, she failed to realize that nearly 30 years had gone by and that some things had changed. I didn't agree with some of the stuff that she was telling me. She continued to push and I pulled away. It made me so incredibly sad because she was the one that I always turned to for advice and I felt that I couldn't and didn't want to turn to her for advice now She, in turn, felt rejected and defensive about her choices. I don't think I handled the situation very well either because I was too forceful in telling her why I wouldn't take her advice on certain things. This made her defend her choices. I realized finally, that she did the very best she could at the time. Afterall, who knows what my dd will be saying to me in 30 years when I explain the concept of AP to her. Different parenting trends emerge and different research is done. I'd like to think that we can all learn from advancement. That's the logical answer. But, when dealing with parents, you aren't always dealing with logic. I found that I was butting heads with my mom more and more. Now that dd is 15 months old, I think that I have relaxed a bit more and she has backed off. In between, however, are a lot of hurt feelings and resentment. I hope that we can work through these things.
I guess to answer te OP's original question, now that I'm a parent, I fully appreciate all of the sacrifices that my mom has made for us and I totally respect her for them. I also feel that she was a wonderful parent and that we are much better people because of it. At the same time, I kind of resent some things from my childhood which really bother me now (such as hearing my parents fight, getting spanked ocassionally, etc.) Being a parent makes me look at those things with different eyes and see how they impacted me. I'm trying not to be too hard on my parents, however, because they are only human. Like one of the other poster's said, the "hero-worship" that I had for my mom has turned into more of an understanding that we have different philosophies on some aspects of parenting. On other aspects of parenting, I still follow what she has done. Namely, being there for my dd, letting her know that she is the world to me and giving ALL of myself to her. That's one of the best and most valuable things that I learned from my mom. All the other little differences can be overcome. Sorry for the long post.....this thread just really struck a note with me!
Mama to a little bobka