Adding kiddo #2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: What was your experience of the addition of kiddo #2?
Way more work and energy than I expected (but more love too!) 9 34.62%
No biggie -- I was already doing all this stuff for #1, just added another 8 30.77%
Well, about double. 1+1=2 9 34.62%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm curious as to what MDCers feel about this.... Some folks tell me that the addition of child #2 was not merely additive in terms of work (1+1=2), but more like 1+1=10! Others say that number two was not such a big thing, cuz they were already doing all the work with number 1, and it didn't add that much to just do it for 2. Personally, when I try to think about having another, I feel pretty overwhelmed.... Two to try to get to nap and sleep and keep clean and keep happy.... Anyway, what do those who have 2+ think???
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#2 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 03:05 PM
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I don't have two children yet, but just talked to an AP mom yesterday who added to her family 3 months ago. When asked how it was going she replied, "Let me just verify that this is a ton more work than everyone said it would be!".
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#3 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 03:17 PM
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I spaced mine 4 yrs apart, and I am so glad, Cathryn will help feed PJ, she lays on the floor and plays with him, and she understands when he needs me alittle more then she does at times. I think for me it worked spacing them apart
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#4 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 04:36 PM
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One to two was SOOOOO hard for us. I think a big downfall (if you can call it that) for us is that our first child was so easy going. Seriously the most layed back easy going baby I have ever seen. We were like "What's the big deal? Why do other parents complain about being tired and junk???"
Then Hero came along. I love her to death but she has been such an intense person since the day she was born.
So, maybe things wouldn't have been so hard if they didn't have the personalities they have (I think God has a sense of humor for sure) They were also 18 months apart, making it really tough.
We are expecting #3 (big suprise!) now so we'll see if it is as hard this time.
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#5 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 05:32 PM
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I think it's harder because you have to switch from dealing with a child- one on one, to children- meeting many needs at the same time. My midwife told me that having a second child would quadruple the work. I think that's about right. Think about trying to come to a decision between yourself and one friend. Now think about a group of three trying to come to a decision. That's what EVERY little thing turns into at our house. It actually wasn't so hard when the second was a baby, but once she was walking and talking and had opinions- ugh!
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#6 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 06:54 PM
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I voted for way more work. Adding a second child really changed the dianamic of the family. My older child was jealous and I was sad I couldnt devote the amount of time to the second child like I had with her. Dylan needed different parenting and needed a very structured schedule opposed to what I had done with my first child. When he was nine months old I found out I was pregnant. So now we have three, and having three was like a peice of cake. It really doesnt seem like work at all. In fact going to three was way easier than going to two.
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#7 of 14 Old 05-17-2003, 07:13 PM
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I'm of the opposite opinion that it wasn't nearly as hard going from one to two as I thought it would be. My boys are 29 months apart and it worked well for me. My first ds was such a high needs baby, that although my second was in no way, shape, or form an "easy" baby, he was easier than my first.

I found that it kept me sane to keep on doing what I always did. If I stayed home I would go nuts, so we continued to go to our usual morning activities and visit friends, so we were out of the house four a couple hours nearly every morning.

I should note for the record that I have a dh who cooks, cleans, does laundry, etc, so I didn't have to handle all that stuff AND two kids on my own.
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#8 of 14 Old 05-18-2003, 08:26 AM
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I have been around children all of my life, so it was a very natural thing to do.

Experience is the hardest teacher.
It gives the test first and the lesson afterward.

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#9 of 14 Old 05-18-2003, 09:14 AM
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I actually found that #2 wasn't so bad, but #3 was a HUGE adjustment. I expected "well, we've already got two down pat so how much more work can #3 be?"...well, with 3, even if dh is home, you're still outnumbered. And if you're alone with them and they're all needy at once (and they usually are) it can be a bit overwhelming.
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#10 of 14 Old 05-18-2003, 11:16 AM
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I didn't think that two was too bad (although it is a lot of work). But dd2 was more laid back than dd1, so I think that helped a lot in my perception of how hard I had to work (i.e., I was expecting to have to work a lot harder!).

I'm also pregnant with #3, so we'll see how that goes...I have thought about the issue of always being outnumbered, but...I guess it's going to happen, so we'll adjust.
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#11 of 14 Old 05-18-2003, 11:27 AM
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Great question, as I am considering TTC #2 soon. Slightly off topic: Reading this is really making me glad that #1 was such a needy baby! At least I won't go from a mellow one to a high needs like some of you.
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#12 of 14 Old 05-19-2003, 12:24 AM
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Our children are 3 yrs. 9 mo. apart. My dd was a VERY high needs baby and I was as prepared as I could be that #2 would be the same! He is way more mellow and made the transition easy. Well kind of easy. It was hard to adjust to juggling the two of them for the first couple of months because dd was so attatched to me. But we made it. It's almost like an art form. Trying to work your way through a day w/ 2. I was really happy that we waited so long. I think it would have been a lot harder for dd and me if I hadn't. But she was and is a high needs. A friend of mine had her 2nd baby and was floored because he was high needs. Her first was really easy and they are 4 yrs. apart.
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#13 of 14 Old 05-19-2003, 09:28 PM
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My second dd was more work but she was also a high needs baby who was born at 33 weeks, so we were thrown a curve ball My third dd is very laid back. Lily is such a sweet baby. She makes you want to have 5 more kids
Going from 1 to 2 was a big adjustment but once you get a handle on time management, it's not too bad. I would say it's like 1+1=2 or sometimes 3 but not 10, at least not for us.
I should also add that my older 2 are almost 6 years apart, so that does make a difference. Alyssa started kindergarden a month after Lauren was born, so I just had Lauren home with me all day. Having Lily was an adjustment all over since this is the first time I've had 2 home with me all day. And this summer, it will be all 3 ladies all day.

Stephanie, mom to 3 big girls ('94, '99 & '02) and to my little guy (12/30/09) intact & CD'ed!
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#14 of 14 Old 05-20-2003, 11:42 PM
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