Scared to death to lose my kids!!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-18-2003, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have had a horribly volatile relationship with the father of my 2 kids (5 and 20 mos). We are currently divorced, but have gotten back together on and off for several years. This last "reconciliation" was initiated by me at the beginning of this year and really, I just figured I should get back together with him because he and his mother make my life miserable when we are not together (late for visitation, bitching about child support, taking the kids out of town without my knowledge, bad mouthing me to the kids, not letting me talk to the kids when they're over there, you name it, they've done it). After just a couple of months, though, I was really going crazy again. He is a pathological liar, and I recently found out he may have gotten a teenager pregnant while we were seperated. I was getting to the point of having suicidal thoughts and I started cutting myself. So I went to a psychiatrist and she put me on medication for manic depression. Long story short, he started an argument with me this weekend, I called the cops because he physically threw me out of the house, and they let him keep the kids for 3 nights because he told them I was on meds. He's not even supposed to have our baby overnight until she is 3 years old! But the minute the cops heard the word "psychiatric disorder" they sided with him. Now he's threatening to sue for full custody and declare me unfit. I have never hurt my children, and I am getting treatment for my depression, which only seems to hit me when I'm around him! I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare! Does anyone out there have any advice or words of reassurance???
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#2 of 9 Old 05-18-2003, 09:37 PM
 
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I am so sorry for you. I would be terrified also. i would definitely get an attorney first thing in the morning. then start some sort of log.
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#3 of 9 Old 05-18-2003, 09:40 PM
 
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Hugs to you, Star Jewel. I'm sorry to hear you're being treated so unfairly! And I'm sorry you had to be away from your children for three days!

Is there a women's resource center or women's shelter or YWCA or something like that in your area? They may have some good advice for you about protecting your children and your rights.

They may also recommend a good and affordable lawer. You may also want to contact your area's bar association. They may be able to refer you to an affordable lawyer specializing in family law.

Is family services involved? If it is, perhaps your psychiatrist can write a letter to your caseworker saying that you are no longer depressed because the medication controlls the depression and that you are a fine, fit mother.

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#4 of 9 Old 05-18-2003, 10:51 PM
 
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I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I, too, suggest you contact your local women's resource centre to find out where you can get some help and support.

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#5 of 9 Old 05-18-2003, 11:11 PM
 
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Wow. I'm not really sure WHAT to tell you, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you.

You know in your heart that you are a good mother, and your kids know too, no matter what happens.

Just stay strong for them, and for you.
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#6 of 9 Old 05-19-2003, 12:03 AM
 
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Find a good attorney.

My best friend had a nervous breakdown due to the abuse she suffered at the hand of her husband. He then tried to get custody because she was on psych drugs. The lawyers argued that since the breakdown was the result of his behavior, and because she was in treatment, she should get custody. She did.

Take care of yourself. It is not only possible to gain control of your children, you can have his visitation reduced or supervised due to his behavior.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

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#7 of 9 Old 05-19-2003, 02:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by star jewel
This last "reconciliation" was initiated by me at the beginning of this year and really, I just figured I should get back together with him because he and his mother make my life miserable when we are not together (late for visitation, bitching about child support, taking the kids out of town without my knowledge, bad mouthing me to the kids, not letting me talk to the kids when they're over there, you name it, they've done it).
This is what disturbs me the most. Now, I don't know you but I can say that the above statement shows a person who's self-esteem is at an all-time low. Getting back together because you were basically harassed into it? Paleese! Girl, I hope it's not just medication you are using to treat that depression. Regular therapy. An permanent ending to these toxic relationships and a qualified lawyer are the only way you will keep your kids and your sanity. Bad people have gotten the better of you. You need to get your head together and fast. Bad people will continue to get the better of you unless you do. Find the strength you need from picturing your babies gone from you forever. It does happen. Be strong. Stay cool. Get the therapist, get the lawyer. Now. Get up from the computer and do it. I think you can stop this bizarre situation if you want to.

Denny
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#8 of 9 Old 05-19-2003, 10:49 AM
 
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Contact your local domestic violence shelter. Your ex is abusive and they can help you in many ways (they don't just provide shelter, they also provide support groups and sometimes referrals to lawyers). Good luck. My heart goes out to you and your kids.
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#9 of 9 Old 05-19-2003, 02:05 PM
 
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I agree with all of the others that you need to contact (1) a lawyer who will represent your intersts (2) a woman's help line that can provide you with more resources and advice on what to do in a situation like this (3) your local county prosecutor's office.....to file charges of assault and battery against your ex and (4) the department of children and family services, to make sure that your children's intersts will be taken care of. Also, you want to be on record that your meds are not affecting your parenting.

If you can't afford an atty, there are a number of free legal aid clinics that can help you. As to the woman's help line, they will help you to get the counseling and advice you desperately need.

If I were you, I would also file a complaint against him and possibly get a restraining order against him. Not only does it protect you (physically) but it also creates a case against him for abusing you. Any record he has will be evaluated by the case workers that are looking out for your kids. KWIM? If he is truly abusing you then he needs to be stopped. Don't do it yourself. Simply call the police or lodge a complaint against him.

Finally, as to DCFS, you want to make sure that they know what is going on, that you want to work with them to keep your kids and let them know all of your concerns regarding your ex.

Try to cover as many bases as you can. I know it is tough, but you have two very beautiful reasons to keep going....your kids. Get the help you need.

The last thing you should do, IMHO, is to sit back and take this. Even if you are not a "take-charge" type of person, enlist the help of someone, family or friends, who will help you stay on the path to clearing up this situation. Get someone on your side that will help you. Whatever you do, don't just let it go. I wish you the very best of luck!!
As always, we are all hear to *talk* to you too!

Libby
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