Sibling Rivalry ... competition - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-19-2003, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So how do you deal?

Just talking about getting out of the house in the morning ... mine argue about who closes the apartment door; who gets to press the elevator call button; who gets to press the first floor button; then about who gets to hold which hand of mine when we cross the street ; then about who sits by the "dinger" on the bus; then about who actually gets to press the dinger when our stop is coming up ... etc., etc., etc.

Went to Faber & Mazlish's website, where they have a small q&a about sibling rivalry. It was not helpful.

Anyone?

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#2 of 7 Old 05-19-2003, 11:57 AM
 
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Have you read "Siblings w/o Rivalry?" I don't know how helpful it is, I read it before it was an issue for us and don't remember it. I should read it again because I really need some ideas as well.

My kids aren't quite as intense as yours sound, but I can relate! Until recently, their main rivalry was over me, and it was really hard. Mainly, time changed it for us and making sure I spent good quality time one on one with each.

I don't know how old your kiddies are, but maybe they could take turn making decisions or one could make the decisions until lunch and the other after or every hour or whatever time frame works for their ages.
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#3 of 7 Old 05-19-2003, 12:14 PM
 
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I have this friend who has two daughters about my age (early twenties). She says this is the best parenting tip she has.

King for a Day!

It works especially nice if one has an even birthday and one has an odd (I am assuming you just have two kids), and on the even or odd days that child is king for a day. Tha means if today is the 19 then the child who has an odd birthday gets to make the decisions (whats on tv, where to sit, what hand to hold, push the buttons) and you don't have to argue- just say what is today and the decision is made by some arbitrary number not you. And the other child will know that tommorrow it will be their turn.

I haven't actually applied this in our family yet (my youngest just turned 2 last week) but I can sure see how it could be helpful.
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#4 of 7 Old 05-19-2003, 12:42 PM
 
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I heartily recommend Siblings Without Rivalry, it's an awesome book that is a very easy read.

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#5 of 7 Old 05-20-2003, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have read "Siblings Without Rivalry." Like noted in the OP, even went to their website for advice.

Problem here is specific: this competition thing they've got going about who does the [fillintheblank].

I like the king for a day idea. Have 3 kids, btw, but the littlest is a mere princeling still so not yet involved ...
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#6 of 7 Old 05-20-2003, 09:20 PM
 
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YOu could do king for a day, or let them take turns, ie, she pushed the down button, so you get to push the floor button etc etc. My sister and I were like that I know it had to drive my mom's nuts lol My kids aren't quite there yet so no advice from the mother's point of view.
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#7 of 7 Old 05-20-2003, 09:59 PM
 
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I don't have experience as a mother with this, just lots of experience around kids (my brother and sister now are 7 and 10 and we lived with my inlaws for a while when my BIL and SIL were fighting about this all the time).

And I don't think every other turn works very well, because unlike King for a Day where the decision is made by the completely univolved calendar, this still causes all those-- he always gets the fun things, but i didn't really want that turn, I want this one and so on and so on. And my inlaws tried the in the morning or in the afternoon, but thier big fight was who got to sit in the front seat and the person in the morning always felt like they got a bad deal, because there were almost always more chances later.

So when my friend told me about her plan I thought it sounded like it really overcame some of these problems.
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