Questioning the 'Naturalness" of AP - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-23-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cmlp View Post
I think it is not so much that AP is not "natural" but that our society is not natural. As a previous poster has said, it is not natural for a mother to have to leave her baby to go work all day when her baby is only 2 or 3 months old. It is not natural for a mother to have to stay at home all by herself with no other adult contact and have discussions with her 3-year old all day long. It is not natural to live in a house alone with no support or companianship from other adults all day. It is not natural not to be able to carry your baby around with you all day while you work if you want. It is not natural to have to cover up my baby whenever she wants to breastfeed outside our home because people might catch a glimpse of my nipple. It is not natural to guilty about taking a shower in the morning because you have to leave your baby in the infant seat for 20 to 30 minutes to do this and she cries the whole time and there is no other adult in your home to hold her.

All of these factors add up to the fact that all the (what I believe to be) very natural aspects of AP like breastfeeding and close and prolonged contact with one's infant are really difficult to do in our world unless you are willing to live like a hermit, which itself is - not natural (and not healthy)!

Nicole, mom of 3. Mitochondrial Disease.: Epilepsy
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Old 02-24-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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Isn't living in isolation natural? No, not even close. We were ment to live surrounded by extended family and close friends of all ages who would take joy in our children with us and allow us to bask in motherhood. We were not meant to do this alone, where the routine care and nurturing of our children would become a burden.

I say -- let's all live tribally! My 8 and 10 year old would love to spend some time making faces at your babies and playing with your toddlers (while learning how to some day be mothers themselves), and we could all give each other a break. And the little kids would learn so much from the big kids, knowing they could ran back to you anytime they wanted to, but using that knowledge as a basis for playing freely. We could chat while we cook and clean, making the time fly.

We were ment to AP, but we were never meant to do it alone.
I agree very much with this.

I'll live tribally with you, I'm all for that kind of life. Heck, I'm bored.

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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Old 02-24-2007, 03:17 AM
 
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I practice AP, but my stance on babies/kids crying are that if they fall down I'm going to acknowledge the accident, offer hugs and kisses and nursing... the child can decide what s/he wants... and I'm not going to distract them to keep them from crying... I've read that they need to feel comfortable to express their crying in that regard. But I wouldn't let them cry as an act of neglect/ignoring.
Agree.

There is a world of difference btw a 3 month old and a 3 year old crying. My 3 year old has options. He can self-soothe if he needs too. And I can help him learn, in supportive and gentle ways.

I was definitely one of those "terrified of crying" moms with my first. I was so convinced that any crying - regardless of the reason or my response- would lead to irreversible brain damage or psychological trauma, that I would freak out whenever my baby started to cry.

I am a lot more laid back with my second, realizing that it isn't about any one situation but rather the pattern. Letting my baby cry for 20 minutes in the car one day when I am in gridlocked traffic on the freeway won't result in permanent damage to my kid. If it happened every day? Maybe there would be long term impact, but now and again? Not so bad.

Of course, I avoid those situations because listening to extended crying sucks.

I think my overall thoughts on AP is that many many people take the individual techniques way too seriously and too literally. I know I did. It is the philosophy that matters and parents need to look at the big picture as well as the here and now.

My 2 cents.

Siobhan

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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Old 02-24-2007, 07:00 PM
 
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I think my overall thoughts on AP is that many many people take the individual techniques way too seriously and too literally. I know I did. It is the philosophy that matters and parents need to look at the big picture as well as the here and now.
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Old 02-24-2007, 08:45 PM
 
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I fell into parenting at 19 while travelling in Mexico. I knew I couldn't carry all the stuff I wouold need for formula or rely on good water supply so I breastfed. When we rented hotel rooms with only one double bed it was obvious ds would sleep with us. I carried him because a pushchair seemed impractical for constant travel by bus etc

I parented ds2 in the same way here in the UK because it had been easy with ds1 evn though I was materially better placed to be more mainstream. It was only when I got online in 2000 that I found other folk who did this consciously and called it AP.

I totally agree that the make up and perceived priorities of our society lead away from attachment which is why AP starts to look like hard work to so many people. Even our statutory 26 weeks paid maternity leave with 12 of those weeks at half pay if you agree to return for at least 3 months at any time after the 26 weeks has ended doesn't seem to encourage more women to breastfeed babywear or co sleep.

I am all for parenting as a tribe. I want to share my time with other mums with children so that we can support each other in real physical ways like bulk food preparation or domestic tasks or even do something like sewing without needing to stop every 10 minutes.

I feel for my new mama neighbours with small children but when I offer any practical support to them they often give me the impression that they feel that they should be able to manage alone. 'I'm ok, it's OK I can manage'

My SILs house is spotless and I know that her dd spends a lot of time in a bouncy chair or her cot while SIL cleans.

The expectation that each of us is an island and that we must keep everything running smoothly, have perfect children, a perfect house and work outside the home is distracting us from connecting with our chidren or just taking time to 'be'.

Adding the 'must haves' of AP to this already great burden just seems like madness to many and therefore the 'naturalness' or 'normalness' of it is doubted.

Sorry of this is a bit disjointed; I wrote it in four short sittings!
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Old 02-25-2007, 01:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
I parented ds2 in the same way here in the UK because it had been easy with ds1 evn though I was materially better placed to be more mainstream.... I totally agree that the make up and perceived priorities of our society lead away from attachment which is why AP starts to look like hard work to so many people.
I agree that AP is much less work in the long run than mainstream parenting. I stumbled into AP, and have always felt that it was like finding parenting short cuts.

When my kids were babies I had less stuff to cart around and could be more spontaneous. My kids were happy in the toddler years and discipline issues where far less than those that my mainstream friends were going through. We are moving into the adolescent years and expect them to be as pleasant as the trip has been so far because our kids are super to be around and really like us. More importantly, they like themselves

So yeah, parenting is work. But is it *more* work to parent our kids this way? I don't think so.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 02-26-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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