I need input and opinions -My emotions right now - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 05-22-2003, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
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are way too raw to see clearly

I went on a trip with my mother. My 16 yr is capable of running things while I am away but since we homeschool etc I needed to have another adult around. My best friend couldn't do it because he was taking care of his sick mother.
I hired a friend of mine to come 10-2 or 3 Mon and Tue. She drives an hour each way so trying to factor gas into it I left a check here for $125.00

My special needs kiddo who usually loves her to death, refused to pick up his toys. This is not normal for him as he usually puts things away on his own. She also came over while feeling ill. Later they played cards and my two oldest told her that he doesn't know the rules and makes his own so it wasn't a good idea to play unless you were prepared for such. She played anyway and he did and she is still up in arms about it.
My son also said she sat around a good part of the time she was here. She says they lied to her about their schoolwork but I have the schoolwork that I assigned while gone. Apparently my teen go up with dad and did school with the six year old. All I had asked her to do was keep the 5 yr out of the way when ds was doing school.
The second day my dh ended up staying home sick so she was only here close to a couple of hours

She posted on our board how awful my six year old was and when I called to see how she was feeling her dh ripped into me about my kids!

I feel if she was still sick she should have called my dh and NOT come at all. Since she didn't and if things were truly that bad why didn'[t she call me ( i could have cut short the trip my mom would have understood and we would have been back here and I would have used the money I paid her for the cancelled reservation it was only a 5 hr drive) or call dh? I left ALL the damn numbers on the fridge>>.

I know my kids aren't that bad or dh and I wouldn't get all the compliments in public we do on them!!
I feel absolutely villified by the dh though I understand him taking up for her but still
I feel she didn't handle things well at all

Am I wrong?
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#2 of 3 Old 05-22-2003, 05:07 PM
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I think the answer to your question of "am I wrong" can only be answered by you.

I would try this. Write down EXACTLY how you are feeling about this situation and what you would tell this friend if you spoke to her right now. Then set that aside for a day. Tomorrow, take a look at it. Do you feel the same way? Are there things that you can phrase differently? What would you really want to tell her? Can you boil down your written rant into a 3 sentance "I expected this and I perceived that and the difference really bothered me?"

I would then talk to the friend once you've gotten the rawness out of your system.

And no, it is not the place of your friend's DH to yell at you. It is her place to say something.
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#3 of 3 Old 05-23-2003, 09:10 AM
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i so agree with Foobar about writing out exactly how you are feeling and going back and re reading and evaluating again how you are feeling. Great idea.

I personally am a big believer in evaluating how I feel about something and then saying something to that person you consider to be a friend.

If the friendship is important to you, maybe call her and tell her that you want to work it out and propose that she write out how she is feeling as well. Tell her to think about it for a few days and then get back to you...that you want to clear it up with full clarity of thought put into it.

I have been a professional caregiver for many years. When I was a lot younger I was a live in Nanny for two families. There is nothing worse than miscommunication between caregiver and Parent. I would work it out somehow. Give her a chance to be clear on her feelings again without the anger and you do the same.

I also agree however that since you left her all the numbers where you could be reached, she should have tried some of those if there really was a problem that caused her to feel this way. I have always made it a policy of mine to be clear and concise about the things that upset me. A lot of the times, being upset and feeling angry comes from a lack of true communication and an unwillingness to work it out.

Good luck !!!
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