...by a stranger? So says that dude John Stossell on 20/20, right now in my living room.
I've brought this up before and asked about how much fear we are putting in our children, and why are we calling CPS and the cops on other mothers who leave their children in the cart while they take a pee at the grocery store. And I've been SHOT DOWN, as have others.
But, now that it's been *validated* by a TV show, anyone wanna talk about whether it's smart to put all this 'stranger danger' fear into our children for such an infintessimally small risk?
I'm watching it right now and I don't know ... I think I'd rather play it safe with my child. She isn't super fearful of strangers but I do think I've taught her to be cautious of people. I'm cautious myself!
Originally Posted by thismama
But, now that it's been *validated* by a TV show, anyone wanna talk about whether it's smart to put all this 'stranger danger' fear into our children for such an infintessimally small risk?
Sure! I am anti stranger-danger. I am all for teaching kids to listen to their intuition. I'm much more worried about a situation where my child finds someone "icky" or "scary" than some random stranger in the grocery store.
Did you see how terrified those kids he interviewed were about being kidnapped? I was terrified like that as a child. All for naught. More likely struck by lightning. Huh.
Does this information mean I can let my kids play in lightening storms from now on?
I don't think either one is safe.
Kindnapping may be low while we are off taking a pee, but one in four kids are molested, and only one in four of those ever tell anyone. And some children are molested in a split second, while someone literally just walks by, grabs them between the legs, and keeps on going.
Originally Posted by beansavi
Kindnapping may be low while we are off taking a pee, but one in four kids are molested, and only one in four of those ever tell anyone.
And yet omg the sh!tstorm that rose up when someone suggested extra screening for male babysitters, altho men statistically are by far the most likely perps.
And we drive our kids around in cars at huge speeds all day right? Gotta be more chance of serious injury from that than kidnapping and lightning.
For me it demonstrates how affected we are as a culture by what we are taught. We've had stranger danger drilled into our heads, but car danger not so much... wouldn't be good for industry.
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans
Duh. Of course not. I have the pole run into grooves in the ceiling, litle tracks, right? This is to prevent them from being kidnapped.
And it's like... what is lost from this fear? Freedom? Sense of safety? I know in my generation this crap was DRILLED into us, to the point where it haunted me at night. The children interviewed in this piece spoke of the same thing. Why haunt and terrorize our children over something this minute?
I think it also takes someone to become PASSIONATE about something. Parents who have lost kids in accidents have become vocal leaders about carseat safety. And just think of Adam Walsh....
We as humans...as MOTHERS....desperately want to control things. So we take and make the things we CAN control, like carseats and minding our kids in public, and worry on them.
Lightning strikes on the other hand...not much you can do about those besides not sending your child out for a lovely swim in the middle of July thunderstorm.
Originally Posted by beansavi
Does this information mean I can let my kids play in lightening storms from now on?
I don't think either one is safe.
Kindnapping may be low while we are off taking a pee, but one in four kids are molested, and only one in four of those ever tell anyone. And some children are molested in a split second, while someone literally just walks by, grabs them between the legs, and keeps on going.
Duh.
What's your point?
When I was a kid, my sister and I used to catch the bus halfway across town to go to movies with a friend (he was 8, I was 7, and my sister was 6 when we started). Other times, we'd walk the ten blocks to the rec center and go swimming. I never - not once - had an unpleasant encounter with a stranger, nor was I ever molested. We did these outings on a regular basis for years.
However, I was molested by my grandfather, with my grandmother's knowledge (he was seriously brain-damaged and couldn't have gotten far without her help in the form of the "buy off"). I was molested years later by the janitor at my elementary school.
So, I'm one of the four. (Where do you get your stats, btw? I love how people say "this number of kids are molested, and most of them never tell anyone". Where do the numbers come from? Educated guesswork is still guesswork.) I'm not worried about the random guy who walks by my kids at the grocery store, unless I get a bad gut reaction to him.
Originally Posted by thismama
And we drive our kids around in cars at huge speeds all day right? Gotta be more chance of serious injury from that than kidnapping and lightning.
My dh has a saying "Driving is probably the most dangerous thing you do all day - and probably the most dangerous thing you expose your kids to on a daily basis. Give it a modicum of respect and STOP TALKING ON YOUR F--ING CELL PHONE!"
Okay, he usually shouts this while watching some mom in a huge SUV drive like a drunk on speed, while chatting on her phone about god knows what, and the kids in the carseats in the back.
RE: the point about kids being molested. Kids are much more likely to be molested by someone they know - a family member or a neighbor. So stranger danger is a fantasy we believe that we can keep bad people from our kids and that we know what bad people look like.
I plan on teaching my kids street smarts. It starts with training my 3 year old how to say (sing, actually) his name, address, and telephone number.
Didn't they also say tap water is safe to drink? Hmmmm. I caught most of the show but missed that part, so clue me in if I'm misinformed about what they said, but I personally don't care to drink tap water. Ew.
Originally Posted by siobhang
Okay, he usually shouts this while watching some mom in a huge SUV drive like a drunk on speed, while chatting on her phone about god knows what, and the kids in the carseats in the back.
I've seen this quite a bit, too. Putting a kid in a carseat, then crossing four lanes of traffic against a red light isn't keeping your kids safe.
I plan to take a defensive driving course when I'm a little more experienced (I've only been driving for a year and a half). I think being in the van, and being a pedestrian near traffic, are the most dangerous parts of my kid's live.
Originally Posted by funkygranolamama
Didn't they also say tap water is safe to drink? Hmmmm. I caught most of the show but missed that part, so clue me in if I'm misinformed about what they said, but I personally don't care to drink tap water. Ew.
I don't know if it's 100% safe, but I'm very sure my tap water is safer to drink than the water a lot of the earth's people are stuck with.
When I hear stuff like that it always brings up more questions than answers for me. For instance what if (not saying I believe either way) the reason stranger kidnapping is so much less likely is because of all the stranger-danger education? Because so many families do a lot to avoid risks, like not leaving kids unattended, or teaching them not to get in a van to see a puppy? If we stopped teaching parents to be vigilant and kids to be careful would the incidence of stranger-kidnapping increase due to increased opportunities?
And isn't that like a national average risk? I would think that doesn't mean your particular individual child has less (or more) risk of being kidnapped by a stranger than being hit by lighting. I would imagine that a lot of risk factors would go into that individual calculation, one of the biggest being location. Wouldn't an unattended kid in say...the New York subway have a greater chance of getting kidnapped by a stranger than an unattended kid at a mom-n-pop grocery in a tiny rural town far from tourism and drive-through traffic?
I think the real question is how do we keep a healthy balance? My main concern is how to teach my children to avoid danger without robbing them of their innocence, and remain cautious myself without being ruled by fear.
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
I don't know if it's 100% safe, but I'm very sure my tap water is safer to drink than the water a lot of the earth's people are stuck with.
well that is true.
It also depends on where you live. In Washington, DC, they had elevated lead levels in the drinking water for years. But out in Fairfax county, where I live, no lead. Our water is considered pretty good.
London had a contaminated water crisis a few years back - supposedly it was out of control and growing until it hit Buckingham Palace - and then BOOM, it got fixed. Funny, that.
Oh, and NYC water is supposedly some of the best water in the world. Some company even bottles it and sells it. Who knew?
However, this site has some interesting facts over the leading causes of child mortality in the US.
But something to keep in mind - in 2002, 1,641 children under the age of 4 died from an unintentional injury (including motor vehicle crashes and other causes). The census reports that the estimated population of children under the age of 5 in the US for 2002 was 19,537,222. That is a ridiculously small percentage of children in the US who die from the number one cause of death. Obviously a good thing. Homocide claimed only 423 children's lives in 2002.
Originally Posted by alegna
Maybe we need to teach more lightning safety.
-Angela
Funny you say that.. I live in Florida, which is the struck by lightening capitol of the northern hemisphere, and lightening safety is very much a real thing here.
No, I don't leave DD in a cart alone to pee at the super market, or alone in the car while I run into a store, but that doesn't mean I'm all "stranger danger" either.
I think teaching her to get out of the water when it gets stormy is going to be higher up on the ranking then telling her not to talk to strangers. Seriously.
Originally Posted by airmide_m
And isn't that like a national average risk? I would think that doesn't mean your particular individual child has less (or more) risk of being kidnapped by a stranger than being hit by lighting. I would imagine that a lot of risk factors would go into that individual calculation, one of the biggest being location. Wouldn't an unattended kid in say...the New York subway have a greater chance of getting kidnapped by a stranger than an unattended kid at a mom-n-pop grocery in a tiny rural town far from tourism and drive-through traffic?
Nope. bad people live everywhere, not just in NYC. And frankly, most kids in NYC are taught by their parents at an early age how to deal with people on the street - how to avoid eye contact, remove themselves from a situation, etc. And also very few parents in NYC would EVER leave a child unattended for any length of time. And in fact, most people in NYC are extremely aware of their environment - they NOTICE when something looks amiss, if a child is leaving with a different man than the child came with. It is the small town "nothing ever happens here, why lock our doors" environment where the best opportunity occurs.
Secondly, the number of true stranger kidnappings for under 12s is around 540 a year. 540 - with a population of over 40,000,000 children. This is a risk so small that it is nonsense to worry, except that it captures the imagination and terrifies parents.
I don't know what the cause of the low stranger kidnapping rate it (though I am glad for it). I do think fear of strangers distracts us from worrying about real danger - like confronting an overly affectionate uncle or teaching a daughter how to tell a neighborhood boy to stop touching her.
Originally Posted by North_Of_60
I think teaching her to get out of the water when it gets stormy is going to be higher up on the ranking then telling her not to talk to strangers. Seriously.
Since drowning is the number two cause of unintentional injury, yeppers! Our community pool has very strict rules about swimming with lightening.
My grandfather was struck by lightening sitting on a tractor in the middle of a field in Illinois- he lived, due to the honkin' big rubber tires on that thing. Tracker got fried, though - and we think grandpa was never 100% right afterwards.
What a depressing topic - hey, let's talk about the various ways our kids can get killed right before bedtime!
I drink my tap water. Drinking some right now in fact.
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