I am really realizing how much of this has to do with two things primarily: sleep, and isolation during the day. The past few nights were horrible, and I was soooo tired during the day. It made me cranky and depressed, thinking about how this was too hard, I must not be cut out to be a mom, and that there was no way I could have another baby. Then last night I actually got a good night's sleep, and I wake up this morning still thinking about a second baby, and it seems to be so much more doable. Ds is in a better mood too, playing more independently, doing things with me rather than clung to my leg, etc.
And I really can't gripe enough about feeling isolated during the day. I live in the middle of a big city, and all our family lives 20-45 minutes away, and I have plenty of girlfriends (all childless), but with all that, there is not a single person available during the day to hang out with us. How I long for a mom friend. We could hang out during the day at each other's houses, cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, playing in the backyard, we could run errands together, take field trips, etc. What a difference that would make! The first year of ds's life my mom used to have a lot of free time during the week (she now works full time), and it made such a difference to have someone with me during the day. I meet moms, and we have playdates and such, but as of yet no real friendships. I feel like I try and really put myself out there, but everyone seems so much busier than we are - they always have plans. Anyway, this is getting off on another topic.
I really don't know what we're going to do. A part of me really wants to wait until ds is 4 or 5, but yet I feel an equally strong pull to TTC this year. I guess I'll just wait and see how things go around here in the next few months.
I have really enjoyed, and appreciated, reading everyone's responses. Please continue to share your experiences - I find the decision to have a second baby soooo much harder and frightening than the decision to have a first baby!
(Oh, and I wanted to add that my age per se isn't a huge issue, I'm 31, but my mom went through menopause in her early forties, and I've read that age of menopause is hereditary, and that fertility begins to decline years before menopause sits in. So I don't feel a huge time crunch right now, but don't feel comfortable waiting too long either.)