How do you DISCIPLINE your child? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-28-2007, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How would you discipline a 10 year old boy who simply will not follow rules, pees in the bathtub, and attempts to steal from the stores?

Yelling simply does not work, nor does preventing him from watching TV. Abuse is out of the question (also illegal), so what else can one do? :
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#2 of 9 Old 02-28-2007, 07:58 PM
 
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I would start talking and asking for his thoughts. Express very clearly, and as calmly as possible, what is bothering you. Try to use I statements such as "I am feeling..." or "When xyz happens I feel..." rather than "you always..." statements because the latter can make someone instantly defensive and that's not productive most of the time.

Preventing him from watching TV doesn't work likely because he feels resentful and it doesn't really get to the heart of the problems you are having. Those kind of punishments do not fix things because they are so superficial and unrelated to the stuff that is going on.

Have you asked him about peeing in the tub? What are his answers? Can he wash the tub out with a good rinse of hot water? (It would take like 7 seconds or so...) What are the rules he isn't following? Did he have a say at all in these rules? Stealing can be a way to have some power in one's life.

Just some things to think about.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#3 of 9 Old 02-28-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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10 can be a hard age. I agree, the peeing in the tub could be made no big deal- just get him to wash it out (maybe add cleaning the tub to a regular list of chores for him...)

What kinds of rules?

The stealing would cause me to treat him as much younger in a store situation. Constant contact (holding his hand) and heightened awareness of what he's doing at all times.

good luck!

-Angela
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#4 of 9 Old 02-28-2007, 08:30 PM
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I read this as "Ten MONTH old" and my immediate (mental) response was HOLY COW, YOU GOT ISSUES, LADY!

I would push lobical consequences at that age. You pee in the tub, you gotta wash the tub afterwards. You steal, or try to steal, you have to go to the manager, apologize and confess, and pay for the goods (which you don't get to keep). Other than that what sort of rules are you having trouble with?
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#5 of 9 Old 02-28-2007, 08:50 PM
 
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After finding out WHY he is doing these things, I would probably start having him take showers. He can't bathe in pee. But, he can pee in the shower.

But, beyond that one idea, I would really look for a possible problem. There may be absolutley nothing. But, it's something to explore.

Have you talked to him about it? Sometimes the best time to talk is in the car when the two of you are alone. He's a captive audience, and kids are sometimes more willing to open up when you aren't looking directly at him.
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#6 of 9 Old 02-28-2007, 11:50 PM
 
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Do you mean he pees in the bathwater when he is taking a bath, or that he opts to urinate in the bathtub instead of the toilet when he has to go?
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#7 of 9 Old 03-01-2007, 09:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
I read this as "Ten MONTH old" and my immediate (mental) response was HOLY COW, YOU GOT ISSUES, LADY!

I would push lobical consequences at that age. You pee in the tub, you gotta wash the tub afterwards. You steal, or try to steal, you have to go to the manager, apologize and confess, and pay for the goods (which you don't get to keep). Other than that what sort of rules are you having trouble with?
Agree with using logical consequences or, if you can, natural consequences. A lot of people on this board don't like this book but you might want to pick up a copy of the book Love and Logic.

Roman Goddess, mom to J (August 2004) and J (April 2009).    h20homebirth.gif signcirc1.gif
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#8 of 9 Old 03-01-2007, 09:42 AM
 
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He can't bathe in pee. But, he can pee in the shower.
I have no practical suggestions atm, but wanted to point out that there was a poll here on MDC not long ago, and there were many people who confessed to peeing in both the shower AND the bath. Pee is not dirty.
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#9 of 9 Old 04-08-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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Spank him.
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