The NERVE of some kids! - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-04-2003, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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There is a beautiful new playground in my area and I take dd there several times a week. Sometimes we bring toys with us - balls, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, etc. Not many other kids do this, so of course many of them, including ones she does not know, want to share. Fortunately, dd doesn't usually mind, as long as they ask her first.

The other day, though, it got a bit overwhelming for her, because it seemed like every kid on the playground had something of hers. One boy who wanted to share would not ask her - he actually said to me, "Tell your kid I want to share," which of course I refused (kindly) to do. A few minutes later dd pointed out to me that this boy and two others, none of whom had asked, were playing with her bubbles, and said that she wanted to put them away because so many kids had been playing with them and she was afraid they would get all used up. So I went over to the boys and explained that they should have asked first, and that we were going to put them away now. The "tell your kid" boy actually said, "The next time you go to the store, buy me one of those." !!!!!!!!!
I guess that's how he's used to talking to the adults in his life, but a stranger? Scary. And when I tried to explain that I don't buy toys for kids I don't know, he said, "I'm Jackson!" and walked away! Yikes.

Most kids I meet at this playground have fairly good manners, and if they don't, their parents usually will reprimand them and apologize to us, but this kid just blew me away. I guess I don't know his story, but I just can't imagine most five year olds doing something like that!

Well, I'm off to the store now to buy Jackson some toys...:LOL
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Old 06-04-2003, 12:19 PM
 
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OMG!! I would have been livid!!!
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Old 06-04-2003, 12:58 PM
 
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Old 06-04-2003, 01:17 PM
 
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Old 06-04-2003, 01:32 PM
 
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Out of curiosity....was Jackson there with a parent or caregiver? If they witnessed that behavior and didn't intervene, that's even more sad.
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Old 06-04-2003, 01:35 PM
 
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where was this kid's parent? that is the really sad part, that this kid is just left to bully others with no guidance a similar thing happened to us the other day, dd and her cousin had just gotten off the swings and 2 boys came running over, knocked the 2 girls down and grabbed the swings. my sil and i were ticked off and gave the boys a lecture on politeness that their parents apparently never gave them.:
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Old 06-04-2003, 02:36 PM
 
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I guess my reaction would depend on how old Jackson was? Was he young or was he a little older? If it was a younger child then I guess I wouldn't sweat it too much. Kids sometimes say rude things even if they were taught not to, IMO. But, if he was at an age where he should know better, then I guess I would be a little disturbed by it too. Was his mother or other caregiver around? I would think that they would step in and see who their child was talking to anyway. Just my 2 cents!

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Old 06-04-2003, 02:55 PM
 
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Old 06-04-2003, 07:01 PM
 
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I would have to reword your post to the nerve of some parents. Where were they. I also just feel sorry for this boy because he obviously has never been taught to share or how to politely interact with other. I also wondered about his age, if he was real young it could just be a lack of understanding, but if he was older, then he just hasn't been taught good socialization at all, and obviously wasn't supervised well if there was no parent or caregiver to step in.
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Old 06-04-2003, 09:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To answer the question so many of you asked, Jackson was there with a caregiver who may have been his grandmother but I wasn't sure. When he was sitting there saying, "Tell your kid I want to do bubbles, too," she was sitting right beside him and just sat there mutely smiling as I explained to him that if he wanted to share, he needed to ask my daughter. He told me, "But I don't like to do that," and I responded, "Well, I'm sorry, but that's the only way you can share the bubbles, if you ask her." I don't know why she did not intervene when he went ahead and used them anyway once my dd and her other two friends walked away. I didn't see it until after they had been playing with them for a while.

He was probably about five, maybe four and a half, same age as my dd. Am I expecting too much by thinking that a child this age should have better manners? I can't think of any children my dd knows from school or elsewhere (okay, well, maybe ONE kid in her class) who would say the things this boy said!
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Old 06-05-2003, 12:39 AM
 
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: Poor kid! Won't know what's good when he has it!!!
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Old 06-05-2003, 01:04 AM
 
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Well, I'll be the dissenting opinion and say it's not a big deal. Maybe the grandma thought you were handling it just fine by telling him your boundaries? If I were her, I probably would have just sat there too since it sounds like you were talking to him just fine. And maybe she didn't see the bubbles being taken or she thought your dd had said yes?

Really, that sounds like a typical kid to me. It does not sound like bullying or like he has bad parents or anything. Am I the only AP parent here with an obnoxious 4 year old? LOL! (an obnoxious 4 year old who was just weaned last week, still co-sleeps, has a SAHM, etc etc. maybe I need to start spanking? JUST KIDDING!!! )
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Old 06-05-2003, 05:26 AM
 
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"He was probably about five, maybe four and a half, same age as my dd. Am I expecting too much by thinking that a child this age should have better manners"

A "normal" child no. But other children like some on the Autism spectrum are like this. I am not defending him by any means but I know a few times until ds got things more under control he would every now and then do something inappropriate like this until he had more therapy etc ..






then he just hasn't been taught good socialization at all" Again some disorders you can teach and teach until you are blue in the face and not everything and sometimes not anything will stick.


and maybe the gma like me one time was too damn embarrassed to say anything right there or thought you had handled it very well. I think you did
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Old 06-05-2003, 05:33 AM
 
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My just-turned-five-year-old has been known to spout off obnoxious statements similar to this and in my presence. He is so very little. I wouldn't make anything of a five-year old acting out this way.

<edited to remove my redundant use of the word "yet", lol>
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Old 06-05-2003, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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See, I guess I have to just disagree. I'm not saying this kid deserves to be burned at the stake or anything, I was just really put off by his lack of manners. I don't know anything about him, like if he has "issues" or not, so I can't make much of a statement about him specifically, but I guess that lately I've been really appalled at the lack of manners-teaching by so many parents. I think a lot of them just assume (wrongly) that their kids will sort of learn them naturally, like they learned how to walk.
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Old 06-05-2003, 12:46 PM
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i just want to point out that i think this why many parents don't bring toys to the playground: to prevent sharing squabbles. If there is nothing but playground equipment to play with most kids will get along. i didn't figure this out for a long time and now my ds expects to take stuff to the playground. I make it clear though that he will have to share.
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Old 06-05-2003, 01:16 PM
 
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he, he... a future CEO in the making! But seriously, the poor kid won't have many friends if he continues to act like that.
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Old 06-05-2003, 05:39 PM
 
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I'm with Liz on this one. We occasionally take toys to the playground with us (ds is almost 4). I expect him to share, if he is the only one at the playground with something cool of course other kids are going to want to have a turn. I tell ds that if he doesn't feel like sharing we can put it in the car and play with it when we get home. He usually wants to share though because it gives him an "in" and then he has someone to play with.

I always offer other kids the chance to have a turn with his things if he is off doing something else and they ask. And there are always some that do. Ds usually doesn't protest and if he does a again tell him that we can put it away and play with it at home.

I always feel sorry for kids who act like the one you described in the OP, you're right he did behave rudely but he is young and can hardly be blamed.
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Old 06-05-2003, 06:15 PM
 
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Until you said he was like 5 I would have said it is normal.

My 3 year old will occassionally spout of obnoxious things. She is getting better, but when she was 2.5 she told our neighbor in no uncertain terms that she expected her own fireworks the next day.

But at 5, this kind of behavior should be gone. I mean, kids should know by then that bossing people around isn't particularly nice, and should know that bossing adults around is just not something to be done.

I would also fault the caregiver here. What nerve, letting him play with your daughter's toys after you said no! I mean, sure, the kid is the one being obnoxious, but I just cannot imagine sitting by and letting the child do that. I would never let my kids play with something of someone else's without permission, much less after having been told no already! And I imagine that this would hold whether my child had developmental problems or not. Whatever the child said afterwards I think can be excused; but this caregiver should not have just let him play with your daughter's things, and that, IMO, is a more serious issue.

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Old 06-05-2003, 06:46 PM
 
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Just A Thought - maybe the caregiver was hard of hearing (?) I know for myself I have difficulties seeing (even with brand-new prescription glasses) and often-times miss seeing exactly what is occurring nearby.
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Old 06-05-2003, 07:09 PM
 
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Wow, I would never bring a toy to the playground that I didn't expect my son to share. It is really unfair to the other kids to bring some tantalizing toys and then not allow them to play with them, especially if you child is not using them at the time. This goes for snacks too. When we go to our housing complex playground, we always bring enough bubbles, popsicles, or whatever to share. Toys that they are unable to share should be left at home. Plus a big 64 ounce bottle of bubbles is 2 bucks at Walmart, or use dish soap and make your own! Just my opinion,

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Old 06-05-2003, 07:18 PM
 
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This site is one of my favorites :

"There are lots of different recipes for bubble mix to choose from..."

http://creativekidsathome.com/activi...tivity_5a.html
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Old 06-05-2003, 07:48 PM
 
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Well I can't say that I am so shocked some five year olds say the craziest things but If that was my son or someone I was watching I would have been absolutly horrified and embarressed when I eard him say that and spoke up right away. It's strange to me that she didn't.
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Old 06-05-2003, 08:18 PM
 
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Oh, I know it. My dear friend gave my 3 yr old PLATFORM sandles for her birthday. She loves them, I hate hate hate. them. She will not be parted form them. I am hoping they are cheaply made and will fall apart. (A cute side note, she calls them her "flit flots".)
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Old 06-05-2003, 09:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by water
Wow, I would never bring a toy to the playground that I didn't expect my son to share. It is really unfair to the other kids to bring some tantalizing toys and then not allow them to play with them, especially if you child is not using them at the time.
Just let me clarify, because it sounds as though you misunderstood my original post. I never said I brought toys and didn't expect my daughter to share. In fact, the toys I do bring - sidewalk chalk, a big bubble tumbler with three wands - are made for sharing. Dd is happy to share these things. Please re-read my post and you'll see what situation I am talking about.
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Old 06-05-2003, 09:46 PM
 
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Wow, that's bold! I can't imagine.
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Old 06-05-2003, 10:17 PM
 
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Four-year-olds always say strange things to me at the park like, "Tell your baby not to play here." I think "rudeness" is almost normal in that age. You guys don't agree?
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Old 06-05-2003, 10:46 PM
 
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My recently-turned-five-year-old certainly says the darndest things. He's big for his age and constantly gets mistaken for a grade one or two age'd child. Being adament about his demands I simply speak to him *later* about his comments. His lateness at beginning to speak may be a contributing factor to his *not as developed social speaking skills.*
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Old 06-05-2003, 11:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dodo
Four-year-olds always say strange things to me at the park like, "Tell your baby not to play here." I think "rudeness" is almost normal in that age. You guys don't agree?
I absolutely agree with you. I did not realize either really until I had my kids and they got to be that age (and I was a kindergarten teacher pre-kids!). My daughter use to want to bring her ride on toy to the park--but I soon realized that it was torurous to the other kids at the park. It was also very hard for her too--because although she did not mind sharing some, she did not want to share with everyone.

I don't really find that little boy's behavior shocking at all--sounds like what we encounter at the park all the time. I agree it is up to the parent to help the child navigate these things--and it was probably tough for the grandma (or nanny for that matter) to step in for whatever reason. That is why I am happy that I am the one to take my kids to the park.
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Old 06-06-2003, 12:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by LunaMom
Sometimes we bring toys with us - balls, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, etc. Not many other kids do this
LunaMom - I'm not saying this kid wasn't rude or that you handled it any differently than I would have. I'm just saying that I think kids have a better time at the playground when there are no other toys around and I think this is why allot of parents do not bring toys. What I didn't get across is that I wish I had realised this earlier and not started the practice of bringing toys. I think that somewhere out there, there is a thread from some parent saying "Don't you just hate it when other parents bring toys to the playground? It does nothing but cause problems."

I didn't mean it to be a criticism. Just a "I do that, too, but I don't think I should." Sorry I got your back up!

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